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    Hands Stained With Tears

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    Forgiveness Man
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    default Hands Stained With Tears

    Post by Forgiveness Man on Fri Mar 18, 2011 9:09 am

    Removed by author for a specific reason.


    Last edited by Forgiveness Man on Fri Jun 22, 2012 11:10 am; edited 1 time in total



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    default Re: Hands Stained With Tears

    Post by TPP on Sat Mar 26, 2011 3:07 pm

    I think it's good. But did you mean to say "I tried to call for help but he kept my mouth shut"?

    If not, then whey did he keep his mouth shut when he was trying to call for help? Because he was scared?
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    default Re: Hands Stained With Tears

    Post by Forgiveness Man on Sat Mar 26, 2011 5:22 pm

    thepossiblepolice wrote:I think it's good. But did you mean to say "I tried to call for help but he kept my mouth shut"?

    If not, then whey did he keep his mouth shut when he was trying to call for help? Because he was scared?

    Yes I believe I did mean that. Probably fixed it since I did some light editing on this since then and I remember catching a few typos. Class has it now and we'll workshop it next time. big grin

    Any more detailed comments? Thanks for reading though. Thought this was just gonna fade away. Smile



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    default Re: Hands Stained With Tears

    Post by (Oh!) Rob Petrie on Sat Mar 26, 2011 8:25 pm

    Okay, overall I think this is a good piece. I liked the twist-- took it above just another bullying story. The only thing that gets me is that he's able to recall the abuse done to him but not the retaliation. I think if he were consistently confused (or confusing), it would make his character a bit stronger.

    And again, I think you could benefit from quit grammar reviews, but I liked this piece better than the last one I read. I'd be happy to print this out and go through it for mechanics if you'd like.

    :-)



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    default Re: Hands Stained With Tears

    Post by Forgiveness Man on Sat Mar 26, 2011 8:35 pm

    Sure thing. Burbled nevsebd you the edited version though. It's got some subtle changes that make a little difference. And also a lot of grammar is fixed. Lol so yeah, if you want to run through for mistakes, I'll send an edited version. I can compare your suggestions with the ones from the class. big grin



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    default Re: Hands Stained With Tears

    Post by (Oh!) Rob Petrie on Sat Mar 26, 2011 10:27 pm

    Sure, send it along.



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    default Re: Hands Stained With Tears

    Post by Forgiveness Man on Sun Mar 27, 2011 12:21 am

    What did autocorrect do to my last post? FORGIVENESS MAN



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    default Re: Hands Stained With Tears

    Post by (Oh!) Rob Petrie on Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:53 am

    Sent back a full edit. Smile



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    default Re: Hands Stained With Tears

    Post by Forgiveness Man on Sun Mar 27, 2011 11:02 am

    Awesome! I'll keep it on file for when I get my other stuff back this week and see what everyone says. big grin



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