I had a really cruddy situation come up tonight

Ugh, I swear being a parent is rough when the kids hit jr. high. Sorry if it seems like I have posted a lot about my son lately. Just that parenting forums suck...I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but some people get so nasty on parenting forums that is it unsettling.

Well, my son was about to leave for a friend's tonight and he told me about a note some girl gave him in class today. She's a girl who has had a crush on him for a while...he's talked to me about her before. He doesn't have a crush on her, finds her annoying and hopefully is respectful (If the lectures I give work) in telling her he doesn't want to be her "boyfriend."

Tonight, just before he was to leave, he tells me about this note he got from her. It said that if he doesn't go to the next dance with her she is going to kill herself. I told him right away that something said like that can't be ignored (he threw the note away) and we need to call someone.

Of course, then he was ticked for telling me. He doesn't want any embarrassment that accompanies being the one who told on her. I "think" he is pretty open with me and my first thought was to just leave it alone so he continues to trust me. But I can't do that.

What I told him is that I won't say anything as long as he promises to keep all notes from her to show me in the future and tells me right away if she talks about suicide.

I don't intend to keep that promise as I will call the school counselor Monday morning. He hasn't told her that he won't go to the dance, so if she really is considering harming herself based on his reply, I hope Monday will be sufficient. He told me so late today that the only call I could have made is to the police. Which, if he still had the note, I probably would have done. I have called every parent I know to see if they know the family (without telling them why) and nobody I know does.

Her friend did give my son the note, so he did not have any opportunity to say anything at all to her, not that he would have acknowledged the note, but he didn't make her feel bad as she doesn't know for sure he even read it.

More than likely, she is just being dramatic. But I have to call the school counselor just in case. But I am at a loss of how to request/insist my son isn't outed to her for outing her.

This really sucks because my son tells me a lot about personal issues and this could be the thing that screws it up. And selfishly, it pisses me off that she would put him in this position if she is just being dramatic. But if she isn't, it is my responsibility to do something.

So, what I am hoping for advice on is if you would call the police this weekend and if not, what should I say to the counselor?

I think you're doing the right thing by not just assuming there's nothing to it that the girl said she was "going to kill myself." Hopefully there is nothing to it but I think you're also doing the right thing by calling the school. Let them have a talk with her.

Thanks, Alan.

What a shitty situation for you and your son to be in Red. I would not call the police but monday call the guidance counselor and explain the situation and tell them that you would like to keep your son's name out of it. Let them deal with the parents and you can have the peace of mind knowing that you did something about it and the right thing. As far as telling your son what you did that is up to you but I would be honest about it.

Thanks, Tony...It is going to be hard to be honest about it since I am in a mind-set of not wanting him to stop telling me about social situations at school and such. He tells me a lot about who is doing what and that kind of thing. I am sure he leaves stuff out, but I like that he is relatively open. I hate to end that. But you are probably right....I will need to tell him about the phone call.

If his name is left out of it I am sure he will feel better about it and your communication will not drop down any.

Well, things did not end up as I hoped. The school counselor said she insists on a meeting with him and the girl and the only thing keeping her from doing that without my permission was the lack of him having the note.

So, she won't make him come to her office and meet with her and the girl. My advice to him was to not accept any note from any of her friends and to avoid it all together.

The counselor won't do anything unless I would agree to the face to face thing since he does not have the note. She actually told me that without the note it would be her word against his and that was such a slap in the face. My son isn't accusing her of anything. He doesn't want any of this spoken of. I am left feeling disgusted.

So, I told her that she had the girl's name and she should do something with it and the next note my son gets will be talked about at the next parent network meeting. So, I hope she opts to talk to the girl alone.