What was yours like? What, if any, impressions about how parents were did you get from the experience you had with your parents?


I always find it odd that I'm considered my father's favorite because as a child, you could sure never tell it from my perspective. I was always getting in trouble and ALWAYS getting yelled at, and I HATE that, even to this day I hate being yelled at. And as a result of how things were between us, I never bought it when I saw a TV ad with a father and daughter and they were happy together. There was some kind shown at Christmas with parents with their kids as they unwrap their toys, and the ones where it was a father and daughter and they seemed so happy, that to me was not reality. As a child I was like 'no, he's not yelling at her, dads aren't nice like that'. Towards boys perhaps but not the daughters, that to me was just pure fiction and it took me a few years to figure out that there were fathers who got along with their kids and were obviously nice to them, that you could tell they loved their kids.

Now, my relationship with my mother was an exact opposite because from being around her, I was to the idea that mothers knew everything and they could solve any problem and even if they themselves didn't know how to do something they would know who could. She and I always got along VERY well and we still do, though not as much now because I've grown and got my own life and my own preferences and opinions, but we're still very close. And I learned pretty early on not to ask my father for much of anything, he would say no, so to ask my mother because she was more lenient. As a kid it just always seemed she always knew how to do everything right, and he did so maybe 50% of the time.

My mother had 5 kids (2,3,14,16,17) when my father died. She had to go to work and at one point I only saw her for an hour a day. The house was so noisy and crazy that for the most part, we learned to read lips while watching tv. With all that noise, my mother was able to sit and read her paper everyday, oblivious to her surroundings. She told us that she worked to get away from us. She has always been there financially whenever any of us needed it, but could be very cold and distant. We all grew up and no one landed in prison, so i guess she did something right.

Now that's cold, sorry to hear that W2L, and you'll have to excuse me for bringing this up, but that reminds me of something I thought of earlier to put in a story I'm writing.

I don't know what kind of writer you'd call me but I tend to take inspiration from a LOT of things I see and hear, and I don't even know where this one came from, but for a story I'm doing, a girl is explaining to the two boys she plays with why her parents are married but her mother is nowhere to be seen. I'm figuring something like "A while back she called us both into the library and said 'my darling family, I love you both so much, but I'm SICK TO DEATH of looking at you', so she packed her bags and is spending 2 weeks on vacation from us."

hahaha... sounds like mom! no seriously she never ever left us. She never dated anyone after my dad died, and she took us on vacations. But she did weird things. When I was 18, she bought my brother a $2000 stereo for christmas. At the same time my car died. She was always pretty fair about money, so (without sounding like a brat--too late) I was expecting the same amount of money. I was working two jobs and wanted a new car. She said she would give me the downpayment for christmas, but chose the car. She only gave me $500 and insisted that I put the car in her name because she wouldnt co-sign a loan for me. I paid the car off in 3yrs, paid all of the insurance, and gas. She got mad cause I moved in with my bf, so she held the title over my head---saying that she was trading it in for a truck for my brother!

Man. I don't even know what you'd call that.

Being an only child seems less shitty tonight!

In seriousness, don't we all just adapt to what goes on? It is all so different for everyone. My high school best friend had a much more difficult time with her parents than I did. And it is odd...She was so grateful that it was my dad that would agree to drive over ten miles to pick us up from dances. All she remembers is how great it was to get to go. All I remember was how drunk Dad was and how embarrassing and scary it was. We all retain and process so differently.

RedBedroom wrote:

Being an only child seems less shitty tonight!

In seriousness, don't we all just adapt to what goes on? It is all so different for everyone. My high school best friend had a much more difficult time with her parents than I did. And it is odd...She was so grateful that it was my dad that would agree to drive over ten miles to pick us up from dances. All she remembers is how great it was to get to go. All I remember was how drunk Dad was and how embarrassing and scary it was. We all retain and process so differently.

i can understand your situation. Both of my mom's parents were alcoholics---so much so that my mom is soooo susceptible to alcohol that when she takes nyquil, she is asleep before the spoon is out of her mouth. Like i said in another thread, you never know what someone went through in their lives, so you dont really know what makes them the way they are.

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you never know what someone went through in their lives, so you don't really know what makes them the way they are.

SO true. We all take things in in a manner that represents our experience. That is why I try to be fair on message boards when people are vastly different in my opinion. Because we are all different.

My parents were slightly older; both were over thirty-five when they had me, and plus they had already had two kids previously, so by the time I was old enough to run and play, they didn't have that much energy or patience to be that tolerant. Just for their own sanity, they were quasi-strict with me. It wasn't an uncomfortable rapport, but not especially loose. I think that's why I tend to be more lenient with my daughter than I probably should sometimes.

My relationship with my parents was/is great. I have young parents so even though there is a generation gap....we do/did have a lot in common. They were firm when they needed be and chill when they needed to be. I honestly can't complain. Me and mother are just alike in a lot of ways and I clashed with her more often that my father, but it was still civil.

I was pretty close to my parenst growing up. We had the usual spats when I was a teenager but I wasn't a rebel and was a pretty good kid, so there weren't any big fights. My Dad was my running coach and my Mom made my dance costumes and was on the costuming comittee. Both parents have always been there for my brother and I.