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I have a relative that is a pathological liar. He lies over the silliest and stupidest things. For example, he had to go to a graduation party friday night and last week I asked what time was the party and he told me at 6. I saw him friday night at 5:45 in his work clothes and I said I thought the party was at 6 and he said no its at 7. It was not an honest mistake either, it was calculated and presented to me as a blatant lie. This is just one stupid example of the lies. Over they years I have caught him in many many lies and have never said anything until a few weeks ago when I caught him in one and confronted him. He basically covered up the original lie with another one. He is also very sneaky, vicious and clever. Unfortunately I can't just wipe this one out of my life completely but I am also sick of being lied to and the lies are uncalled for and stupid and petty. Its like dealing with a 12 year old and this is a thirty something grown man. What would you do in this situation, any suggestions on how to handle it? My initial thoughts on how to handle it are to give him a good punch in the face and rattle his brain up a little bit. No I don't like violence but this is how angry he gets me.
+9
Alan Smithee
wants2laugh
Nystyle709
Bluesmama
tmontyb
CeCe
RedBedroom
Shale
Tony Marino
13 posters
How do you handle this situation
Tony Marino- …is a Global Moderator.
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Shale- ...is a Chamber Royal.
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Become a redneck, move to Mississippi, buy a large shotgun and tell your relative that he is sniveling, pathological lier and you don't want him coming around you any more.Tony Marino wrote: ... What would you do in this situation, any suggestions on how to handle it? ...
(Well that worked for my dad who had a couple of brothers who lived in town and didn't see him for decades)
But if you want to remain a family oriented Italian New Yorker IDK how you would deal with it. I would let him know I was on to him and didn't like it and ask him to keep his distance if he could not stop with the lying. (OMG - I've become my dad
)
RedBedroom- …is a Chamber DEITY.
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Tony, that is rough. A father to a kid my son races with is also a pathological liar and he makes up the most ridiculous things. I think there is just that block in their thought process that they lie as naturally as we tell the truth.
Really, I don't know that there is anything you could do. I have called out the guy I know, and have seen others do it, and he just always turns it around. And everyone that I have seen call him out just lets it go after he flips it one time. Because what is the point? I don't think there is any changing a pathological liar.
Really, I don't know that there is anything you could do. I have called out the guy I know, and have seen others do it, and he just always turns it around. And everyone that I have seen call him out just lets it go after he flips it one time. Because what is the point? I don't think there is any changing a pathological liar.
CeCe- …is a Chamber DEITY.
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I don't think it's a character trait that ever changes, Tony. I know someone like this & I've had to limit my involvement with them. You try to be nice to your relatives but there's only so much of this you can stand because it's not even little insignificant lies. They're huge out of this world lies. We communicate, but rarely. It's only when absolutely necessary. It's just not worth the rise in blood pressure & frustration. The only real choice you have based on my own experience is to deal with them as little as possible. Punching him in the face will only get you arrested & he will probably make up some other lie about that too. They're not going to change.
tmontyb- …is Authorized.
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CeCe wrote:I don't think it's a character trait that ever changes, Tony. I know someone like this & I've had to limit my involvement with them. You try to be nice to your relatives but there's only so much of this you can stand because it's not even little insignificant lies. They're huge out of this world lies. We communicate, but rarely. It's only when absolutely necessary. It's just not worth the rise in blood pressure & frustration. The only real choice you have based on my own experience is to deal with them as little as possible. Punching him in the face will only get you arrested & he will probably make up some other lie about that too. They're not going to change.
Gonna agree with this and take it further and just ignore it. There is no point in getting yourself worked up over it.
Bluesmama- …is a Power Member.
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Tony, you don't need to punch him in the face ~ someone else will do it before long when one of his lies backfires. For now, I wouldn't rely on him for a damn thing, not even the time! He has to know that his b.s. is going to cost him, but I don't know what you should do.
I would hate this because I'd consider him a waste of my time. I do know an adult man like that. He exaggerates and tells outrageous lies. But he has a likable personality, whereas your nephew likes to instill upset. THAT, is not good!
I would hate this because I'd consider him a waste of my time. I do know an adult man like that. He exaggerates and tells outrageous lies. But he has a likable personality, whereas your nephew likes to instill upset. THAT, is not good!
Nystyle709- ...is a 20G Chamber DIETY.
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You already know what I'm gonna tell you Tony. I'd go with the punch....then claim self defense. I can lie too. Why is it that you're unable to just write him off? I wouldn't want to deal with a pathological liar either...family or not.
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Nystyle709 wrote:You already know what I'm gonna tell you Tony. I'd go with the punch....then claim self defense. I can lie too.
Tony, I know exactly how you feel. I have a cousin like this, and she would tell lies to my friends about what i said, then tell me lies about what my friends said-- then it would go thru the family change.
One time i got a flower delivery at my work with a "It's A Girl/Its A Boy" balloons. My cousin claimed my best friend told her i was pregnant. My cousin told her mom, who told my sister, who then called me screaming at me that I didnt tell her and she was soooo freaking hurt. None of this was true.
Eventually I had to stop talking to any friend who talked to my cousin, and completely seperate myself from her as well. Years later we hooked back up on Facebook and she began telling people that she was dying of cancer and taking money from people & church groups. When I confronted her online that she was full of it, she hit ignore. It is much better without her in my life! good luck
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Tony, one of my mottos is "don't assume" but in this case it's probably OK. Just assume that everything he tells you is a lie. If this bothers you that much and you don't want to go NY's route, you might consider getting one of those cheap spy recorders and record his lies. When he tells you, "No, I didn't tell you 6. I said 7", play it back for him. And everyone else.
http://www.tmart.com/blue-mini-4gb-spy-camera-video-recorder-pen_p91224.html?ref=nextag
http://www.tmart.com/blue-mini-4gb-spy-camera-video-recorder-pen_p91224.html?ref=nextag
CatEyes10736- …is a Power Member.
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If it were me, I would let him know that lying to me was a big waste of energy on his part because I didn't trust a word out of his mouth. Liars are usually attention seekers and in my experience when you shatter their delusions that you believe their fantasy, they won't bother saying much else to you. You won't cure his penchant for being a liar. He will keep on lying to everyone else he thinks will buy into it, but at least he won't be burdening you with his lies.
TSJFan4Ever- …is a Chamber Royal.
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I don't really know what you can do in this situation but Cateyes' sufgestion sounds good. Also, don't take his word, no matter what he's saying, and if he asks why, let him know that he always lies so why bother beliving anything he says.
It's a tough situation!
It's a tough situation!
wants2laugh- …is a Power Member.
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Tony Marino wrote:I have a relative that is a pathological liar. He lies over the silliest and stupidest things. For example, he had to go to a graduation party friday night and last week I asked what time was the party and he told me at 6. I saw him friday night at 5:45 in his work clothes and I said I thought the party was at 6 and he said no its at 7. It was not an honest mistake either, it was calculated and presented to me as a blatant lie. This is just one stupid example of the lies. Over they years I have caught him in many many lies and have never said anything until a few weeks ago when I caught him in one and confronted him. He basically covered up the original lie with another one. He is also very sneaky, vicious and clever. Unfortunately I can't just wipe this one out of my life completely but I am also sick of being lied to and the lies are uncalled for and stupid and petty. Its like dealing with a 12 year old and this is a thirty something grown man. What would you do in this situation, any suggestions on how to handle it? My initial thoughts on how to handle it are to give him a good punch in the face and rattle his brain up a little bit. No I don't like violence but this is how angry he gets me.
Question... is he involved with alcohol or drugs? Addicts lie about stupid stuff. Had a bf who tried to convince me the silver can in his hand was diet coke, not coors light
Tony Marino- …is a Global Moderator.
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I have read all of your responses, thank you for your help in my decision on how to handle this jerk. My gut would like to go with NYstyle's advice and give him a punch in the face but my practical side tells me to just take everything he says as a lie until it is verified as the truth. Ignore him as much as I can and I will let him know that anything he says to me is going to be considered a lie unless he can prove otherwise. Maybe when he realizes that I am really disgusted and on to him he might think twice about lying but I somehow doubt that it will matter.
Tony Marino- …is a Global Moderator.
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wants2laugh wrote:Tony Marino wrote:I have a relative that is a pathological liar. He lies over the silliest and stupidest things. For example, he had to go to a graduation party friday night and last week I asked what time was the party and he told me at 6. I saw him friday night at 5:45 in his work clothes and I said I thought the party was at 6 and he said no its at 7. It was not an honest mistake either, it was calculated and presented to me as a blatant lie. This is just one stupid example of the lies. Over they years I have caught him in many many lies and have never said anything until a few weeks ago when I caught him in one and confronted him. He basically covered up the original lie with another one. He is also very sneaky, vicious and clever. Unfortunately I can't just wipe this one out of my life completely but I am also sick of being lied to and the lies are uncalled for and stupid and petty. Its like dealing with a 12 year old and this is a thirty something grown man. What would you do in this situation, any suggestions on how to handle it? My initial thoughts on how to handle it are to give him a good punch in the face and rattle his brain up a little bit. No I don't like violence but this is how angry he gets me.
Question... is he involved with alcohol or drugs? Addicts lie about stupid stuff. Had a bf who tried to convince me the silver can in his hand was diet coke, not coors light
Nope, not at all, no drugs or alcohol involved in his life just a natural born loser that unfortunately is related to me.
Hyacinth Girl- …is a Power Member.
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I'd just cut him off from my life--tell him point blank that you feel you've tried to maintain a healthy, positive, relationship but you feel his lying and jerking people around are causing too much stress on you. Toss the ball back in his court and tell him to contact you when he feels he's shaped up and can treat everyone with the honesty they deserve, and until then, he won't be hearing from you at all--you have the remainder of your life to live and contend with, without the added stress of this guy dinking you over.
If that doesn't work, you could always give him a taste of his own medicine, and pull a few stunts on him, like he does to everyone. . . might be kinda fun, too!
If that doesn't work, you could always give him a taste of his own medicine, and pull a few stunts on him, like he does to everyone. . . might be kinda fun, too!
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I agree with Cat; I would just reconcile that he's a liar, and let him know that I trust nothing he has to say. I can believe that he probably wouldn't bother talking to you much after that.
Tony Marino- …is a Global Moderator.
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Hyacinth Girl wrote:I'd just cut him off from my life--tell him point blank that you feel you've tried to maintain a healthy, positive, relationship but you feel his lying and jerking people around are causing too much stress on you. Toss the ball back in his court and tell him to contact you when he feels he's shaped up and can treat everyone with the honesty they deserve, and until then, he won't be hearing from you at all--you have the remainder of your life to live and contend with, without the added stress of this guy dinking you over.
If that doesn't work, you could always give him a taste of his own medicine, and pull a few stunts on him, like he does to everyone. . . might be kinda fun, too!
I thought of that to HC pull a couple of lies on him myself but then I am just as bad as he is even though it would probably be some fun to be had.
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Tony Marino wrote:Hyacinth Girl wrote:I'd just cut him off from my life--tell him point blank that you feel you've tried to maintain a healthy, positive, relationship but you feel his lying and jerking people around are causing too much stress on you. Toss the ball back in his court and tell him to contact you when he feels he's shaped up and can treat everyone with the honesty they deserve, and until then, he won't be hearing from you at all--you have the remainder of your life to live and contend with, without the added stress of this guy dinking you over.
If that doesn't work, you could always give him a taste of his own medicine, and pull a few stunts on him, like he does to everyone. . . might be kinda fun, too!
I thought of that to HC pull a couple of lies on him myself but then I am just as bad as he is even though it would probably be some fun to be had.
Just watch your back.He is also very sneaky, vicious and clever.
Tony Marino- …is a Global Moderator.
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Alan Smithee wrote:Tony Marino wrote:
I thought of that to HC pull a couple of lies on him myself but then I am just as bad as he is even though it would probably be some fun to be had.
Just watch your back.He is also very sneaky, vicious and clever.
Oh I do, I try to anticipate anything sneaky way ahead of time just in case.
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