wants2laugh

Supernova

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Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

Supernova: The Book Chamber; Join date : 2010-06-22
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Post n°1

Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by Supernova Tue Jan 17, 2012 2:17 pm

I think a while back we had a discussion based on that episode of Roseanne where Becky and her friend got drunk and her friend's mom blamed Roseanne for her daughter getting drunk when she wasn't even there. This episode is on Youtube and in the comments one person talked about if a kid does get into alcohol at a friend's house when the parent's not there, it is partially that parent's fault because there's no adult in the house to tell them not to do it. And went on to say that at that age you're not an adult and not always going to make the right decisions and shouldn't be expected to. I say Bullshit

Because if kids are in a house where there's a gun and the parent's not around and they shoot each other, who pulled the trigger? We're talking about teenagers here, no they're not adults yet but honestly tell me that if they decide 'to hell with the rules' and get drunk just because it was available, that they shouldn't be blamed for their actions?

When I was a kid, all my friends' parents smoked, and there were times it was just us, the parents were gone, we had the house to ourselves, but did we steal the cigarettes and smoke them ourselves? HELL no, NEVER, not even once CONSIDERED IT, and we were 7 and 10 at those times, and smoking is not as serious as drinking is, and we knew better then. Now as a kid I never knew anybody's parent who drank, but if they did, I had it ingrained in my mind 'alcohol is evil, it's never allowed in this house' blah blah blah so I never would've considered trying that either just because it happened to be laying around. But I'll tell you if I ever would've, my mother would've torn into ME because it was MY decision to act so stupid and because *I* knew better and *I* have responsibility, even as a child.

But what's everyone else think? Just because you're under 18 does that mean if you CHOOSE not to use your brain regarding important decisions that's okay because you can't be expected to always make the right choice as a teenager?

wants2laugh

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Post n°2

Re: Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by wants2laugh Tue Jan 17, 2012 3:32 pm

Teenagers are expected to misbehave, think they are smarter than everyone else in the world, and that if anything bad ever were to happen---it wouldnt be to them. This is part of the immaturity they have and the rush to grow up. Also, I believe that although teens today are exposed to much more "adult" topics today than in past generations, the present teen generation is more immature than those of generations past.

The economy and our culture is literally breeding these kids to be more dependent on their parents and less responsible--- we are telling them that they are not responsible. In the state of NJ, those under 25 pay an exorbitant amount of money for car insurance because they are "irresponsible". Most car rental companies will not lend cars to under 25 for this reason. Also, federal financial aid for school is now requiring parental income tax returns for students until age 25---whether or not the "child" lives with their parents or are supported by them. Also, many health insurance companies are now allowing "children" under 23, in some cases 25, to be covered under the parents insurance. All this conveys to the "child" that they are not expected to behave responsibly.

With that said, I do believe that teenagers know right from wrong. But the word teenager is synonymous with rebellion and pushing limits. It is almost the teenager's job to experiment with getting away with things, and a parent's job to control the situation.

Parents with teenagers who have alcohol in their home SHOULD anticipate that their kids MIGHT try to experiment and put a lock on the liquor cabinet. Parents with children SHOULD have a lock box for their guns, with the anticipation that their kid would try to show off to friends. WHY??? because those are things that kids/teens do. If you think your kid would never do those things and trust them--- GREAT, you are doing your job raising a responsible person. However, it is also a parent's job to protect their child from themselves. It always baffles me that parents go away on trips only to be surprised to return to a wreckage of an all weekend party. Should a teen KNOW better? yes. Do I expect them to BEHAVE? no. It is a parent's job to stay ahead of the teenager.

Supernova

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Post n°3

Re: Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by Supernova Tue Jan 17, 2012 3:40 pm

Now seen when we were kids we WERE expected to behave, we were taught to behave from the moment we got home from the hospital, so we always knew better. We always had responsibility and if we didn't do what we were supposed to or did something we didn't just because our friends did it or whatever, then we got in trouble and we were held accountable for our actions, always.

wants2laugh

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Post n°4

Re: Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by wants2laugh Wed Jan 18, 2012 6:16 am

i understand what you are saying. I did try smoking, but got my ass beat 3 times for it---by my sister, her best friend, and my mom. I did once drink at a get together that my mom never found out about. I was an A student, honors kid. She expected me to behave too... but that doesnt mean I always did.

My mom had five kids and had this motto:

If you have only one or two kids, you are not really a parent. You always know who broke it, did it, etc. And because you have two hands, you can seperate two kids from fighting. When you have three kids, you not only are now considered a parent, but have to seperate fights while having a third kid jumping in---this is much harder. After a few years with 3 kids, you become crazy, so kids 4, 5, or 6 won't phase you! LOL

I'll never forget when my older sister and her friend made hash browines and fed them to me and my little bro. My poor mom came home from work and the whole house was filled with pot smell! We were all stoned! lol That is part of being a kid, and a parent---if it were easy, and everyone always did what they were supposed to, there would not be so many parenting books/shows, nor as many therapists! lol

Hyacinth Girl

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Post n°5

Re: Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by Hyacinth Girl Wed Jan 18, 2012 11:33 am

There comes a point in life and an age where you should pretty much be able to know right from wrong, and conduct yourself accordingly. Parents need to still supervise their children, regardless of the fact that they are teens, and provide a safe environment for them. Teens need to pony up and have some personal accountability in order to become responsible adults, so it's a two way street.

You can't just say "Oh, well you've reached 16 years old now, so that means my job as a parent is done and I don't have to monitor anymore." The key is communication--keep the lines open so parents know what's going on in their kids' lives, and so that the kids know that there are still things expected of them, as they grow and age.

Suzi

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Post n°6

Re: Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by Suzi Wed Jan 18, 2012 2:03 pm

What's the alternative to "allowing" lapses in judgement? We aren't allowed to kill them. Punishment sure, but even there I believed in using good judgement I was after all the adult.

RedBedroom

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Post n°7

Re: Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by RedBedroom Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:19 pm

Wants2laugh, you made so many good points and I am too lazy to quote them all!

In response to the original post, I think it is parents' fault when alcohol or cigs or guns are left to be handled by teens when parents are not home. If my son got drunk at a friend's house, believe me, he would feel the wrath of momma. But I would also be pissed at the friend's parents who left alcohol for the kids to get to. Maybe it is idealistic, but I think bottles should be hidden or locked if teens are staying home alone.

My son does stay home alone but is too young for kids to be here with him when I am gone unless it is just a quick run to the market. But when that day comes and friends are here for longer periods of time with my son alone, there will be counted cans of beer in the fridge and any other alcohol will be locked.

Shale

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Post n°8

Re: Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by Shale Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:50 pm

It always amazes me how naive some adults are. I mean they never grabbed mom's bottle of gin from under the kitchen counter and took a swig as teenagers? And this was in the late '50s when kids were like Beaver Cleaver.

My uncle dropped me and a cousin off at my grandmothers and we would be alone for a few minutes before other family got there. He told us explicitly not to get the guns out. (farms kept guns available) As soon as he left I saw a rabbit in the yard, got the 22 and shot it. Next thing we know car lights coming up the road. It was my uncle - didn't even get out of sound range. He woulda been really pissed but I showed him the dead rabbit.

Oh, my first drunk was a doozy. Grad night I ended up being taken by some friends to an adult party where all these bottles of booze were on the kitchen table. I had to sample everything - str8 up. I barely remember the night but they got me home and I got in bed, head swimming. IDK if my mother knew (you can smell alcohol on ppl the next day). She may have figured the sickness was enuf punishment for me.

So, even strictly disciplined and obedient teens can't help themselves when presented with opportunity. I know this. I can remember this from half a century past, which is why I am amazed at the gullibility of some parents to think they can absulutely trust unsupervised teens.

wants2laugh

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Post n°9

Re: Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by wants2laugh Sat Jan 21, 2012 12:38 am

I dont have any kids, but i am confident that i know how to deal with them. The problem today is that kids are very disrespectful. I was dating a guy that I had gone to school with--- but i had never met his kids. He went into the hospital for a couple months, and his 15 yr old son had a major party in the house. When the boy's mother showed up at the party, the son said to her "You don't live here anymore, go the fuck home". And this woman DID-- instead of breaking up the party. I wound up staying at the house in order to visit my bf... and he made arrangements for the ex wife to drop the kids off to me to take them to the hospital for a visit. This kid, who already wrecked this house and never cleaned it up, had the nerve to tell me that he was going to throw a party while I was staying there.

Well... it was obvious that he didnt know me. I told him that there was no way that was happening. "What are you gonna do about it? NOTHING!" I told him that after his friends and the alcohol arrived, I would park my car across the cul de sac blocking all his friends cars in, then would call 911 and tell them of the illegal underaged drinking and possible attempts to drive drunk. This kid looked like a deer hit him--- "you wouldn't do that!" My response, "try me. I'm not your mother, I don't give a crap what happens to you and your friends. Break the law, and the police will be here". Miraculously, the party never occurred while I was there! And I even got him to wash the dished which shocked the shit out of his mother.

Supernova

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Post n°10

Re: Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by Supernova Sat Jan 21, 2012 4:39 am

wants2laugh wrote:I dont have any kids, but i am confident that i know how to deal with them. The problem today is that kids are very disrespectful. I was dating a guy that I had gone to school with--- but i had never met his kids. He went into the hospital for a couple months, and his 15 yr old son had a major party in the house. When the boy's mother showed up at the party, the son said to her "You don't live here anymore, go the fuck home". And this woman DID-- instead of breaking up the party. I wound up staying at the house in order to visit my bf... and he made arrangements for the ex wife to drop the kids off to me to take them to the hospital for a visit. This kid, who already wrecked this house and never cleaned it up, had the nerve to tell me that he was going to throw a party while I was staying there.

Well... it was obvious that he didnt know me. I told him that there was no way that was happening. "What are you gonna do about it? NOTHING!" I told him that after his friends and the alcohol arrived, I would park my car across the cul de sac blocking all his friends cars in, then would call 911 and tell them of the illegal underaged drinking and possible attempts to drive drunk. This kid looked like a deer hit him--- "you wouldn't do that!" My response, "try me. I'm not your mother, I don't give a crap what happens to you and your friends. Break the law, and the police will be here". Miraculously, the party never occurred while I was there! And I even got him to wash the dished which shocked the shit out of his mother.

Good for you, W2L, that's what we need more of. Exactly HOW in the HELL did it come about that parents are afraid of their kids? I never thought I'd live to see the day.

Shale

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Post n°11

Re: Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by Shale Sat Jan 21, 2012 1:00 pm

Supernova wrote: ... Exactly HOW in the HELL did it come about that parents are afraid of their kids? I never thought I'd live to see the day.

Yeah, what happened? In my time, the dad (or in my case the step dad) was in charge (actually mom dealt with me and my sister).

But, my stepbrother in late teens was going thru a rebelious stage and I remember my dad telling him (and me, I suppose) if you are old enuf to not do as I say, you are old enuf to get out of my house.

Either of us boys could have probably taken on dad in a fight but even then, had either of us gotten physically aggressive with him we knew we'd be taken away in handcuffs.

Parents do not do their kids any favors by acquiescing to their childish whims.

Supernova

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Post n°12

Re: Should teenagers be allowed lapses in judgment?

by Supernova Sat Jan 21, 2012 1:12 pm

Shale wrote:

Yeah, what happened? In my time, the dad (or in my case the step dad) was in charge (actually mom dealt with me and my sister).

But, my stepbrother in late teens was going thru a rebelious stage and I remember my dad telling him (and me, I suppose) if you are old enuf to not do as I say, you are old enuf to get out of my house.

Either of us boys could have probably taken on dad in a fight but even then, had either of us gotten physically aggressive with him we knew we'd be taken away in handcuffs.

Parents do not do their kids any favors by acquiescing to their childish whims.

That's for sure. Now back in the I guess 80s, my mother knew a woman and her teenaged daughter, the mother of the nightmare that lived across from us for many years...and the daughter used to go to the police saying her mother hit her, but she always hit back so it was kind of a fair fight, and the cops wouldn't do anything with it. I guess they knew who the mother was or something but anytime the daughter ran away and tried to get her mother arrested, it was a laughable effort. But she grew up a complete brat and raised her son also to never have rules or chores, never be told no, never have to do anything he didn't want to, and that's why he's the royal screw up he is now.

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