Would you be as quick to prosecute a grown woman whom you discovered your fourteen year old son was having an affair with as you would if it was a grown man with your daughter?

Yup, I dare anybody grown to come near my 14 year old

14-year-old son getting some from a grown woman?

Cheaps wrote:

Yup, I dare anybody grown to come near my 14 year old

This.

Chris wrote:

Would you be as quick to prosecute a grown woman whom you discovered your fourteen year old son was having an affair with as you would if it was a grown man with your daughter?

Absolutely!

Chris wrote:

Would you be as quick to prosecute a grown woman whom you discovered your fourteen year old son was having an affair with as you would if it was a grown man with your daughter?

In all honesty, the answer is "OF COURSE NOT!" As "sexist" as this double standard may seem, the reality of the situation is that a 14 year old boy getting laid by a grown woman is in no way, shape or form harmful to the 14 year old physically, emotionally or socially. In fact, it may actually be helpful socially.

Of course, I am not advocating this type of relationship at all. The fact remains this is ILLEGAL and the woman becomes a participant of statutory rape! However, I've never really considered that a crime worthy of much attention considering that it is mostly influenced by the conservative values of an overly religious society. And also, the exact age of this "grown woman" (which is a vague term to me) would also be a factor. If we were talking about a 19 or 22 year old college chick who looks like a pixie, I'm sure I'd be a lot more lax about the situation than if it was a 35 year old divorced woman with 3 kids. Although, technically they are both considered grown woman, I don't put them in the same ball park.

If I discovered that my son was having sex with a grown women, I would take steps to ensure that the "relationship" ended immediately. If it didn't, then I'd threaten the woman with legal action until she went away. The relationship would have to end because it is inappropriate and illegal. But I would not pursue prosecution as long as it ended because I wouldn't necessarily view her as a "rapist" or much of a threat to my son. My reaction would definetely be MUCH stronger if it was a grown man having sexual relations with my 14 year old daughter (which I do consider a threat).

captainbryce wrote:

In all honesty, the answer is "OF COURSE NOT!" As "sexist" as this double standard may seem, the reality of the situation is that a 14 year old boy getting laid by a grown woman is in no way, shape or form harmful to the 14 year old physically, emotionally or socially. In fact, it may actually be helpful socially.

Of course, I am not advocating this type of relationship at all. The fact remains this is ILLEGAL and the woman becomes a participant of statutory rape! However, I've never really considered that a crime worthy of much attention considering that it is mostly influenced by the conservative values of an overly religious society. And also, the exact age of this "grown woman" (which is a vague term to me) would also be a factor. If we were talking about a 19 or 22 year old college chick who looks like a pixie, I'm sure I'd be a lot more lax about the situation than if it was a 35 year old divorced woman with 3 kids. Although, technically they are both considered grown woman, I don't put them in the same ball park.

If I discovered that my son was having sex with a grown women, I would take steps to ensure that the "relationship" ended immediately. If it didn't, then I'd threaten the woman with legal action until she went away. The relationship would have to end because it is inappropriate and illegal. But I would not pursue prosecution as long as it ended because I wouldn't necessarily view her as a "rapist" or much of a threat to my son. My reaction would definetely be MUCH stronger if it was a grown man having sexual relations with my 14 year old daughter (which I do consider a threat).

Why is it more threatening for the daughter? Maybe she's just getting lucky too like her brother would be.

Or here's a thought, let's turn it around, after all the kid might be gay. So if it was your 14 year old boy and a grown man, is that going to be the same lenient, press-charges-only-if-it-doesn't-stop attitude or is that going to be more threatening than a grown woman? Or a 14 year old daughter and her female teacher? See either way I would still say hell yes arrest them.

Supernova wrote:

Why is it more threatening for the daughter? Maybe she's just getting lucky too like her brother would be.

Fourteen year old boys generally WANT to have sex with grown women and ultimately make that their mission in life. Most fourteen year old girl do NOT want to have sex with grown men (or with anyone usually). Losing your virginity is a huge step and a very selective process for girls physically and emotionally. On the other hand it's a priority in every 14 year old boy's life! So it's not remotely the same thing. Sure some girls might be persuaded to consent to sexual relations with their much older "boyfriend", but I think they are usually being taken advantage of in those situations. I don't think most girls that age would actually enjoy sex with a grown man and would probably just be doing it to make him happy. Not to mention the fact that a fourteen year old girl can get pregnant! Of course these are huge generalizations, but I don't think it's really much of a stretch.

Supernova wrote:

Or here's a thought, let's turn it around, after all the kid might be gay. So if it was your 14 year old boy and a grown man, is that going to be the same lenient, press-charges-only-if-it-doesn't-stop attitude or is that going to be more threatening than a grown woman? Or a 14 year old daughter and her female teacher? See either way I would still say hell yes arrest them.

My answer (to the first scenario) would be that it would depend on how much I knew my son. Because if HE was the one who pursued this sexual relationship, I would still feel the same way as if it was a woman he was having sex with. But of course this is all just speculation. If I met the guy and he seemed like a threat or a "predator", then I might have police arrest him. It's difficult to judge my response in these hypothetical scenarios because there are a lot of factors that one has to consider.

For the second scenario, a woman getting involved with my 14 year old daughter, I wouldn't feel any differently than if it was a man getting involved with her. Because at the end of the day, it is still a 14 year old girl that we are talking about and I would still think that she was being taken advantage of more than my 14 year old son (who would probably be trying to take advantage of his situation). Girls and boys typically have different mentalities when it comes to sex. Sex isn't as much of an emotional attachment for boys as it is for girls. Boys want to have sex because their dicks get hard! Girls want to have sex because they think they are "in love". That being the case, they are much easier to take advantage of sexually. Not all girls, but most!

Just because a 14 year old wants something it doesn't mean that what he wants would be good for him. He might want to eat a 3 pound chocolate bar too.

Suzi wrote:

Just because a 14 year old wants something it doesn't mean that what he wants would be good for him. He might want to eat a 3 pound chocolate bar too.

That's true. At the same time, just because he wants something that is "taboo" doesn't necessarily mean that it is harmful either. To me the bigger issue is whether or not I perceive him being "harmed" by what he is pursuing. And in this case, I feel that the answer to that question is no.

captainbryce wrote:

That's true. At the same time, just because he wants something that is "taboo" doesn't necessarily mean that it is harmful either. To me the bigger issue is whether or not I perceive him being "harmed" by what he is pursuing. And in this case, I feel that the answer to that question is no.

We already stress that 14 year olds don't need to be getting hung up on boyfriends/girlfriends and relationships and that includes having sex, that they should wait, that that's only going to further complicate their young lives and a large part of it is unnecessary, so why wouldn't we stress the same thing when it becomes an illegal matter? If it's going to make their lives difficult having a relationship with someone their own age how is it going to be any easier for them to be getting banged by 30 year olds?

Supernova wrote:

We already stress that 14 year olds don't need to be getting hung up on boyfriends/girlfriends and relationships and that includes having sex, that they should wait, that that's only going to further complicate their young lives and a large part of it is unnecessary, so why wouldn't we stress the same thing when it becomes an illegal matter?

To be honest, I don't stress any of that stuff at all. That's what society "stresses"! I stress logic and reason, and I see no tangible evidence that sexual relationships are anything to fear when it comes to growing up. As Penn & Teller would say, stressing over teen sex is bullshit! I don't know any grown adult who hasn't lost their virginity as a teenager. NONE WHATSOEVER! That means that virtually everyone had sex when they were a teenager, and most turned out okay. So I think it's very hypocritical and quite ridiculous to suggest that sexual relationships are in some way "harmful" to teenagers. The fact is, sex is very normal, common, expected and usually harmless. Teens have ALWAYS had sex, and they always will.

Now, when it comes to "illegal matters", I've already stated that I would not tolorate such a relationship. I do not support "illegal activity" and statutory rape as it is currently defined and as it stands now is illegal (whether I agree with it or not). I would not condone a sexual relationship between an adult and a minor. But that doesn't mean that I would press charges against the adult when my teenage son pursued the relationship himself. There is no "victim" in that case, and if there is no victim then why would I press charges? I simply don't view a 22 year old female as a predatory threat to my 14 year old son. So I would have no particular motivation for her to be prosecuted as I would if it was a man having sex with my 14 year old daughter.

Supernova wrote:

If it's going to make their lives difficult having a relationship with someone their own age how is it going to be any easier for them to be getting banged by 30 year olds?

I don't see one thing having much to do with the other. Teens are going to learn to have relationships as they grow into adulthood. Sex is often part of a romantic relationship yes, but sometimes sex has nothing to do with relationships (most often the case in young boys). Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar! Boys usually don't say "I want to date her" or "I want to go steady with her". Boys usually say things like "I want to fuck her". In any case, getting banged by a 30 year old (or more precisely BANGING a 30 year old in the case of a 14 year old boy) is hardly going to result in a traumatic experience for most 14 year old boys. So I don't really see the logic of this question.

The older person in this relationship is the authority and so should not be having sex with a 14 year old. Here in Canada the age of consent used to be 14, Harper did one of the few things I approved of and raised it to 16. Too bad for the dirty old (and I mean old) man who lived in an apt on the same block as the high school, he had to up the age of the boys he was screwing. That old devil would stand out on the sidewalk the kids had to walk on to go for lunch and pick the poorest kids and offer them money. The old ladies in the building actually believed him when he said the "boy" was his son. I guess all they saw was Native boy, when it was Native boys going in and out of his apartment.

Suzi wrote:

The older person in this relationship is the authority and so should not be having sex with a 14 year old.

A parent is an authority. A teacher is an authority. A doctor, counselor, or clergy would be an authority. But just some random adult is no authority figure over a random 14 year old unless they happen to be a cop. In that sense, I see no reason why they shouldn't be having sex if both of them consent to sex (beyond what the law states).

you use logic, then defend with penn & teller???

A 14 yr old is a CHILD, and unless one belongs to NAMBLA, should not be promoting child/adult sex!

ANY 14yr old having sex with ANY adult is disgusting. And YES the adult would be in control of the situation. The adult is supposed to be the wiser, more experienced, and mature one in this situation. The adult should have self control---something that is usually lacking in teenagers.

I cant believe anyone things this is ok!

wants2laugh wrote:

...ANY 14yr old having sex with ANY adult is disgusting. ...

WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!

You callin' my momma disgusting!!???

She was having sex with a 23-year-old man when she was 14.

But the question was about boys having sex with adult women. I don't think they would be any more disgusting than my mom.

I'd be startled, and obviously the relationship couldn't continue....but I'm not going to pretend that I'd be especially mad if my 14 year old son was slanging a 22 year old woman. It's not anything I'd want to see happen, but if it did I'd deal with it. On the other hand, if my 14 year old daughter was messing around with a grown man, he better hide.

Marc™ wrote:

I'd be startled, and obviously the relationship couldn't continue....but I'm not going to pretend that I'd be especially mad if my 14 year old son was slanging a 22 year old woman. It's not anything I'd want to see happen, but if it did I'd deal with it. On the other hand, if my 14 year old daughter was messing around with a grown man, he better hide.

Yeah, and why is that?

Here's a question for everyone involved...okay, your 14 year old son is sleeping with a woman in her 20s/30s, one day BOOM she announces she's pregnant, then what? We all know what the answer is if a 14 year old girl gets pregnant and the daddy is twice her age:

Supernova wrote:

Here's a question for everyone involved...okay, your 14 year old son is sleeping with a woman in her 20s/30s, one day BOOM she announces she's pregnant, then what? We all know what the answer is if a 14 year old girl gets pregnant and the daddy is twice her age:

Either way the woman gets stuck raising the kid herself. Let's face it, if an adult man WANTED a baby, he would have gotten with an adult woman, so he would disappear. If a 14yr old boy impregnates an adult woman (who obviously has mental problems), the woman would be the one raising the child---as i do not believe that a 14yr old would be going out to support the baby.

So the responses on this board just prove that there is still a chauvinist double standard out there---- it AMAZES me! For a group of people who are supposed to be so progressive and forward thinking... that they would actually think differently between the 14yr old's sex---just amazing.

wants2laugh wrote:

you use logic, then defend with penn & teller???

Yeah. I also use wikipedia to look up interesting and random facts too. What's your point?

wants2laugh wrote:

A 14 yr old is a CHILD, and unless one belongs to NAMBLA, should not be promoting child/adult sex!

When did someone promote child/adult sex?

wants2laugh wrote:

ANY 14yr old having sex with ANY adult is disgusting.

That is an emotional response colored by social taboos, not a logical argument.

wants2laugh wrote:

And YES the adult would be in control of the situation. The adult is supposed to be the wiser, more experienced, and mature one in this situation. The adult should have self control---something that is usually lacking in teenagers.

There are a lot of assumptions to be made here. Rather than speculate on each one of them I will simply say that IF the adult is wiser, more mature and more experienced, they he/she probably wouldn't be involved with a teenager in the first place. It is more likely that the adult in this scenario is NOT wiser or more mature in any reasonable capacity. Some children are more advanced than some adults. It's unlikely, but it happens sometimes.

wants2laugh wrote:

I cant believe anyone things this is ok!

Who on here said they thought this was okay?

wants2laugh wrote:

So the responses on this board just prove that there is still a chauvinist double standard out there---- it AMAZES me! For a group of people who are supposed to be so progressive and forward thinking... that they would actually think differently between the 14yr old's sex---just amazing.

I already admitted to having a double standard about this situation before I even answered. But I don't see how this in any way indicates my lack of "progressiveness". The fact is, sex is different for most boys than it is for most girls and pretending like boys and girls are exactly the same when it comes to sexual relationships is disingenuous.

Do you honestly believe that the average 14 year old boy has the same emotions when it comes to sex as the average 14 year old girl does? Knowing that girls can get pregnant, do you honestly believe that a 22 year old woman is as much of a threat to a 14 year old boy as a 22 year old man is to a 14 year old girl?