| Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? | |
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+7CeCe Suzi Hyacinth Girl Tony Marino Shale Alan Smithee RedBedroom 11 posters |
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RedBedroom …is a Chamber DEITY.
Join date : 2010-02-18 Posts : 10696 Rep : 312
| Subject: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Sat Mar 31, 2012 1:10 am | |
| I seek the opinion of parents of older kids. I am really lost right now on the way to go. My son has a plan for his 13th birthday.
I am not looking for anyone to take my side unless they really do and I don't "do" Mom forums as most of them are cracked. That's why I am asking here.
My son wants a friend to come for the day (kids are off school all day) so they can hit the BMX park then said friend stays the night so friend can travel with son and his dad to motocross training track out of town the next day.
I take issue with the plan as I would like to spend the evening with my son on his b-day. Thirteen is a milestone. My son doesn't see it that way.
Personally, I am torn on meeting my own need to mark the day verses his want to hang with a buddy. I should add this buddy is a kid, competitor actually, he has raced against since they were five.
I wouldn't even engage the thought of this if the selected friend wasn't someone significant.
But 13 is so huge to me...I am going to be mom to a teen in a week. I need to mark that with something special...right? | |
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Alan Smithee ...is a 20G Chamber DIETY.
Join date : 2010-09-03 Location : 40º44’18.33”N 73º58’31.82”W Posts : 25792 Rep : 381
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Sat Mar 31, 2012 7:18 am | |
| I totally understand where you're coming from Red but I've been a 13 year old boy too. I'm not seeing how if the friend spends the night you can't still have the evening with your son. Dinner, birthday cake, etc.? If you're not going to get to spend anytime with him I wouldn't blame you for speaking up. Does dad know how you feel? | |
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Shale ...is a Chamber Royal.
Join date : 2010-09-27 Location : Miami Beach Posts : 9699 Rep : 219
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Sat Mar 31, 2012 9:09 am | |
| My only experience with a 13-year-old boy (outside of once being one) was travelling with my grandson. We had time to kill before leaving Chicago and I wanted to spend it in the Art Institute. He moaned and pouted and I ALMOST deferred but finally took parental control and forced him to go to the museum. (He loved it. He wasn't aware that Medieval armor & weapons would be in an art museum).
That was the only time I asserted myself with him. (Because everything else a 13-year-old boy would want to do, most men would do also).
My advice in this case would be that it is his B'day. And the significance of him entering his teen years to you is personal history but to him it's being an adolescent with all its conflicts. I would try to share that time as possible in the evening, but he is pulling away from you and gravitating to his own circle of friends. Oh, and it gets worse over the next five years. You can be pushy, but it likely will create resentment. (Unless you're prepared to joust with him using broadswords and armor) | |
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Tony Marino …is a Global Moderator.
Join date : 2010-01-31 Location : New York Posts : 26786 Rep : 607
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Sat Mar 31, 2012 10:33 am | |
| You can ask what he wants to do and make the day special but I would not leave it all up to him. | |
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Hyacinth Girl …is a Power Member.
Join date : 2011-05-19 Posts : 1736 Rep : 70
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Sat Mar 31, 2012 5:15 pm | |
| Ah, the age where they don't want to be seen in public with you....I've found that anything that blends mom-time along with friend-time works much better than ultimatums never work but I found that to suck it up and go with my daughter to some things I really didn't want to, afforded me time with her. You could always join your son for motocross.. | |
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Suzi …is a Power Member.
Join date : 2011-03-01 Location : BC, Canada Posts : 1529 Rep : 85
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Sat Mar 31, 2012 11:33 pm | |
| It doesn't sound tome like he wants anything unusual, and it is his birthday. If he wanted you to hire a hooker for him I say no, but.............. | |
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CeCe …is a Chamber DEITY.
Join date : 2010-06-30 Posts : 11962 Rep : 326
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Sun Apr 01, 2012 12:14 am | |
| It can be a tough age Red. I agree that it's best to allow him to have some say in it. While it's probably not quite what you had in mind I would try to include this friend in the birthday plans or try to work out some kind of compromise. | |
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RedBedroom …is a Chamber DEITY.
Join date : 2010-02-18 Posts : 10696 Rep : 312
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Sun Apr 01, 2012 1:51 am | |
| LOL, Suzi!
Thanks for all the advice. This seriously bugged me all day. Those of you who said it is his day are right. Thirteen is just such a big deal to me and I would love for it to be just the three of us at home playing board games and having fun.
But, I have caved. Tonight we discussed it and I gave the "o.k." for the friend to join us. Though I secretly do hope the plan changes!
I thought so much about it and I may seem like so odd sentimental weirdo, but I think what it truly boils down to is that when I turned 13, that was the start of me doing bad stuff. Not terrible stuff, but taking tastes of alcohol with friends and french kissing. I don't want my beautiful little boy to partake in anything negative.
This week he has been on spring break and worked every day for his dad. Tonight I was witness to him cajoling with an employee about the "work day." It made me so sad...he is growing up. | |
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Shale ...is a Chamber Royal.
Join date : 2010-09-27 Location : Miami Beach Posts : 9699 Rep : 219
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Nystyle709 ...is a 20G Chamber DIETY.
Join date : 2010-03-16 Location : New York Posts : 27030 Rep : 339
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:37 am | |
| You should let him do what he wants. It IS his birthday. Thirteen isn't that big of a deal anyway. You get more birthdays to spend with him. | |
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Chris Chamber Admin.
Join date : 2010-01-30 Location : Oak Park, Michigan Posts : 23201 Rep : 330
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:32 pm | |
| I would agree with everyone else; that since it's his birthday, he should decide what kind of day and company he wants to have. Perhaps a compromise can be enacted; like, perhaps, the day before his birthday you have a celebration with him that only involves you and the family. Or earlier in the day, if there are no other plans or scheduling conflict, you spend family time with him, and then later on his buddy can come over and they do whatever it is they want to do.
I understand your situation, Red. When my daughter turned fourteen this past November, she was more concerned about her own plans that included her friends than she was about spending time with the family. We ended up having a quick birthday dinner for her (with her friends) and after it was over, they took the party elsewhere. Needless to say, it didn't include me and her mother hanging around. | |
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Alan Smithee ...is a 20G Chamber DIETY.
Join date : 2010-09-03 Location : 40º44’18.33”N 73º58’31.82”W Posts : 25792 Rep : 381
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:09 pm | |
| So how was your son's birthday Red? You didn't go the cool mom springing for a hooker route, right? | |
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RedBedroom …is a Chamber DEITY.
Join date : 2010-02-18 Posts : 10696 Rep : 312
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:05 pm | |
| Al...no hookers before 14, in my book....LOL, his b-day is actually Friday, I may have mislead in earlier posts.
He will have his buddy over Friday, and Shale, thank you so much for the visual. I already bitch about how long his showers take, so now each time I bitch, I shall cringe as well.
For as much of a weirdo I was being about it this time last week, I am now fully content. The friend coming over is an important person in our life, as is his family.
I plan to take my son on a belated trip to Chicago this Spring and that will be great as we have not been there alone in two years.
While I still do wish it could all go another way, it is what it is and one day he will celebrate birthdays on days I don't even see him, I need to nut up and accept he is getting older. It sucks, makes me feel lonely, but it is what it is....Time to adopt! LOL Out with the old in with the new....((totally kidding)) | |
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Cheaps ...is a 20G Chamber DIETY.
Join date : 2010-11-17 Posts : 25876 Rep : 252
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Wed Apr 04, 2012 4:48 am | |
| Glad your feeling better about this Red, and I'm sure you and your son will have a great time in Chicago! | |
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FireIce918 …is Authorized.
Join date : 2010-06-22 Location : VA Posts : 855 Rep : 8
| Subject: Re: Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:18 am | |
| I've never been a parent...or a teenage boy lol...but I would mix the two if you can. I know on my 16th bday all I really wanted to do was go to the mall, but my dad was determined to throw me a party. He's always been like that, and I sure can't fault him for it, but I REALLY was pissed that I couldn't go to the mall! | |
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| Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday? | |
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