How Do I Talk Better to This Girl?

Here's my problem.

In August 2011, I employed a 16 years old girl (which is OK where I live, not the USA, and she has finished mandatory school) as a live-in to perform worktasks in our home (among them: taking care of our 6 years old daughter when no other is at home, clean, cook, diwh, to the dishes, dishwashing, washing and ironing, serving, lay the table, clear the table and other sutff). She signed the conditions, and everything seemed OK.

I told her about the importance of dressing and a good behaviour. For ordinary days, she wears what she wants (as long as it's clean, she usually wears sweaters and sweatpants, t-shirts with shorts or jeans). But during special events in our home (birthdays, Christmas, parties), work-related meetings with her and during weekends (when we usually have people over, and I think it's important to have her dressed nice), I require her to wear a white blouse with a black skirt or a white blouse with black pants (I pay for the clothes (she has 3 similair sets, and she has responsible for washing and ironing them and keeping them clean, I accepd her spilling on them by accident-pure mistake, but not by carelessness). Not until I tell her it's OK, she can change back into her own clothes again. I told her this when she started working, and she agreed.

Despite this, she usually complains before when I tell her to change into these clothes. When I ask her why she acts like this, she uses to say it's not as comfort. I remind her she has accepted my employment conditions, and she promises to do as I say, but even when she has changed into these clothes, she may sometimes come to me and continue complaining.

I'm a demanding but fair employer. If she's going to serve at a party, she usually prepares everything first and lays the table, then I usually give her two hours off, who she can spend resting in her room, so she just can start welcoming the guests.

I know I can just fire her and hire another girl, but as she's actually doing good work and my daughter and she agree very good. And as I said, she finally puts the clothes on and wears them as I say (violating the dresscode, like wearing the blouse outside the skirt/pants or wearing an item which is not part of these clothes, is never accepted, I've told her that from the beginning, only some times she tried to wear the blouse outside the skirt/pants, but it was, and she corrected directly it when I told her, and it was thankfully not an event when we had people over here). How do I talk to her better about this? I know I can't require her to like wearing these clothes, but she has to accept and it gives her absolutely no excuse to complain.

I know some people may not like it, but it's no bigger deal than a lot of other works with dresscodes and uniforms (they make work as domestic worker girl/nanny girl/au pair girl/housemaid girl/housegirl, waitress girl, restaurant girl) or whatever. It's called empoyment (I know it's 2012, and I would never refer to her as a domestic servant, but rather a domestic worker).

Sounds like you hired yourself a slave , a very young one at that. Young girls prefer to wear what they like, and are embarrassed to be forced to wear things they consider ugly. Perhaps since you have hired a young slave you should ask her if there are colors she would like better , or something nice she would feel more comfortable in.

Suzi wrote:Young girls prefer to wear what they like, and are embarrassed to be forced to wear things they consider ugly.

Please answer serious. She has accepted to wear these clothes. There's no difference with if she had been working in a restaurant.

Shale, it would be one thing if she didn't show up in those clothes at all when I require, or violates the dresscode, but at the end, she always does as she's required. It's listening to her complaining before that's the big problem. I've told her she can be happy not being reuired to wear it all time when working here (like some are), but it doesn't help.

J User wrote:

Please answer serious. She has accepted to wear these clothes. There's no difference with if she had been working in a restaurant.

I was serious, you hired a very young slave, no you are bitching.

honestly, I think it is her age. ALL teenagers are a problem, they all rebel in some way--- and i know captain bryce will get on me for my generalization... but in this case it is true. 16 yr old girls do not want to do anything that they are told, and they think complaining and whining about it will manipulate the situation to end the way they want. I personally, do think you are strict. However, she agreed to it. I would just have to explain to her: I'm sorry you do not like the uniform, however, I will not be manipulated by whining and complaining so that you get your way. I sign your checks and provide a roof over your head so that I can get MY way. If my ways are unfair, or unsatisfactory to you, than please feel free to look for employment elsewhere. And give me 2 wks notice as a courtesy. --- cause honestly, if he turns into some heated debate, you will be without someone--- and your child may be upset.

are you a man? are you married?... trying to find a Master/slave relationship isnt a bad idea Suzi... there are plenty of BDSM websites to find a submissive to do whatever you want... no kinky sex necessary

I think I'm going to take a serious extra meeting with her about this as soon as possible.

You can simply tell her that you are pleased with her job performance but she must adhere to the rules of the contract where the dress code is concerned. Tell her that you really like her, the kid likes her and that you would hate to dismiss her for insubordination (complaining)because she works so well with the family.

wow... tony that was a well articulated, very thoughtful answer.

but i kinda like mine better! LOL

Tony Marino wrote:You can simply tell her that you are pleased with her job performance but she must adhere to the rules of the contract where the dress code is concerned. Tell her that you really like her, the kid likes her and that you would hate to dismiss her for insubordination (complaining)because she works so well with the family.

I gave the girl an ultimatum. She's excepted to show up in right time for a serious work-related meeting tomorrow, dressed in the blouse and the skirt so we can talk about her acting and behaviour. Anything more to say?

wants2laugh wrote:wow... tony that was a well articulated, very thoughtful answer.

but i kinda like mine better! LOL

Your answers are always the best WTL

J User wrote:

I gave the girl an ultimatum. She's excepted to show up in right time for a serious work-related meeting tomorrow, dressed in the blouse and the skirt so we can talk about her acting and behaviour. Anything more to say?

Just get to the point without being sarcastic or nasty. Let me know how it goes.

Tell her to put the damn clothes on if she wants to keep her job. It's that simple.

I had two meetings with her this week. One last Monday, and one yesterday. She had to wear the blouse and the skirt during both meetings. The first time, I first told her she did a good work, but then I raised my voice and told her to gaze into my eyes and tell me, in a serious tone, to apologize for all complainings, and promise not to act with such a behaviour again.

Yesterday, I thought we would need one meeting more about it, and asked her why she had been acting as she did. She told some silly excuses (like "-I hate dressing nice"), but I told her it's employment, and I want her to look representative, and if she continues like that, she risks her own employment, and instead might end up working for an employer with an even stricter dresscode. This seemed to help, as she has at least promised me not to complain anymore.

I hope she will accept and understand my rules better now.