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    Fighting over kids

    CatEyes10736
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    • Post n°1

    Fighting over kids Empty Fighting over kids

    Post by CatEyes10736 Tue Jul 17, 2012 3:07 pm

    My BF and I are currently at odds over our daughter. Let me explain...

    A few weeks ago his mother bought her what I think has to be one of the most hideous baby outfits I ever saw. It's sort of a puce colored ensemble with black dots everywhere, with black zigzags on the bottom of the sleeve. Just awful. But being cordial and polite, of course I thanked her and pretended it was cute. Well anyway on Sunday I went to work and my BF had the day off so he was at home with her. I make it a habit to lay out her daily outfits the night before. The morning I left for work, I tell him that her outfit is laid out on her dresser and he says "OK." Soon as I get home later on that afternoon he immediately leaves to go to the store. I go check on the baby and...to my horror, he's got her dressed in that God-awful getup his mom bought. Why? First of all, he knows how I feel about it and secondly, I already laid out her outfit for the day. I pointed it to him that morning before I left and again he said "OK". Why the hell did he not dress her in it?

    So anyway I change her clothes and put her in what was originally planned. When he comes home a few minutes later, he sees this and immediately goes on the defensive about why I changed her clothes. We have this big fight about it and he accuses me of not respecting his decision and being disrespectful to his mother. He threatened to change her back into what he put on and I threatened to throw his mothers outfit away (I wouldn't do that but I was angry.) How was I being any more disrespectful than he was when he deliberately disregarded what I took the time to lay out for her, even though he had originally agreed to it?

    So now there's tension between us over this whole ordeal. Was I wrong? I don't think so.

    If you're a parent, how much did you fight with your child's mother/father over things regarding them?
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    • Post n°2

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    Post by Shale Tue Jul 17, 2012 3:31 pm

    I've never been a parent to an infant but I will dare to say you should have let THE FATHER make some decisions in the care of HIS CHILD.

    The baby doesn't care - she would be just as happy scooting around naked (perhaps more so). So, this is a conflict of your choosing and he took up the gauntlet and now you are fighting over who has control. IDK what solution. IDK the relation he has with his mother - perhaps they share the same bad taste in clothes. Or he is just doing it as a statement to assert that he be included in his child's care (It's what I think with the info provided).
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    • Post n°3

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    Post by RedBedroom Tue Jul 17, 2012 4:17 pm

    Honestly, with parenting, you truly have to pick your battles. If this has been your worst disagreement after a year of taking care of your precious little one, you both should be patting yourselves on the back. It's stressful to take care of an infant. So, I am not at all being condescending when I say you both deserve kudos if this has been your biggest disagreement.

    I was always super picky about what my son wore. But if it was just a day at the house, I never sweat it. Now had he changed baby before a professional photo session, that would be a bit more of an issue.

    But, don't sweat this one Cat.
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    • Post n°4

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    Post by Nystyle709 Tue Jul 17, 2012 5:27 pm

    I think you overreacted. It's not like it was picture day or you were going anywhere special. Granted, I understand you don't like the outfit, but perhaps he does and it is his daughter too. He should be able to dress the baby how he wants to every once in a while. He said "OK" to you arbitrarily. It sounds like you pick out her outfits more than enough and I can understand his reaction when you changed her. I don't know how your relationship is in general, but if you can sweat something as small as this.....it could lead to other, bigger confrontations. Fighting over kids 2517814472 I'd nip it in the bud.
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    • Post n°5

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    Post by Alan Smithee Tue Jul 17, 2012 7:49 pm

    Sorry Cat big hugz but is your problem that he countermanded your authority by deviating from the uniform of the day (you still would have been upset even if he dressed her in something you loved) or is it more that you hate what he dressed her in? It was a gift from his mom. If one of your family or friends gave you daughter something he hated, does he have anymore right to say, "Uh-uh...my daughter ain't wearing that!"

    I will admit though that fathers aren't always the best to depend on when dressing children. Sorry if I've told this story before. I expect you'll find that as your daughter gets older she's going to want to change outfits throughout the day. Mine was no different and when she was around 4 I guess, I was in charge for an afternoon we had to go to the mall for something and she wanted to change her clothes. Well dad was in a hurry and he wasn't playing that so she went with what she was wearing (what looked to me like a nice shirt and shorts set). Well, when my wife gets home my daughter says, "Daddy made me go to the store in my jammies!" Shrugs (Oh well…)
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    • Post n°6

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    Post by Nhaiyel Tue Jul 17, 2012 10:23 pm

    I'm sorry, Cat, but I'm going to have to agree with everyone else on this one. I can sort of empathize with your being annoyed that the outfit you took time to lay out for her was snubbed…but the fact of the matter is that he was the one there with her that day, so the final call on how to dress her should have been his. You coming in and immediately overriding one of the decisions he made for her that day probably felt belittling to him. Sounds like you're both on a bit of a trip for power, but I think in this case his "X" gets the square.
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    • Post n°7

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    Post by Impact Wed Jul 18, 2012 1:22 am

    I can sympathize. When my oldest was a baby, my ex and me used to occasionally squabble over silly things like that. My biggest concern was that she was changed and had clean clothes to wear. My wife on the other hand wanted to always keep her matching and cute. My suggestions would often be vetoed with her saying that this top didn't go with that bottom, or that pair of shoes didn't go with that outfit. Finally got to the point where I let her obsess over that stuff. But when it was just me taking care of the baby, I made the calls. Sometimes she'd ask "why'd you put her in that?" Because you weren't here and I was the one dressing her.
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    • Post n°8

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    Post by wants2laugh Wed Jul 18, 2012 1:46 am

    My question is that is all this really about an outfit--- or your dislike for his mom? I hated my MIL... she tried to meddle in everything. The outfit thing to me is a little petty. I would have "accidentally" spilled bleach on it, or something like that ... or just threw it out without him noticing. Now that you said it, he will be looking for it. But if he couldnt find it to begin with, it wouldnt have been an issue.

    I would just start again tomorrow and try to let this go. There are much bigger problems you will face later... this is just the beginning... so save your strength! LOL
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    • Post n°9

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    Post by Chris Wed Jul 18, 2012 1:40 pm

    My daughter's mother and me used to, and occasionally still do, butt heads where she's concerned. I'm always more interested in the bottom line, so by and large if my daughter wants something and her mother has agreed to it, then it's rare that I act as a roadblock. It only becomes an issue when my daughter wants to do something (or not) that her mother doesn't (or does) want her to, and I have to be the tie breaker.

    As far as my wife and my son go, thus far it's been pretty smooth sailing. Boys are so much easier to compromise with when they're little. The biggest issue we've had is her wanting to keep his crib in our room for longer than I think is necessary. But he's my first son and her first child, period, so we both tend to overindulge.

    Far as your situation goes Cat, I think that's one that will very easily blow over. Nhaiyel had a point about how her father probably felt like his decision was undermined after having spent the whole day taking care of her. Sometimes you have to just know when to let some things go.
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    • Post n°10

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    Post by Nystyle709 Thu Jul 19, 2012 11:33 pm

    Alan Smithee wrote:
    I will admit though that fathers aren't always the best to depend on when dressing children. Sorry if I've told this story before. I expect you'll find that as your daughter gets older she's going to want to change outfits throughout the day. Mine was no different and when she was around 4 I guess, I was in charge for an afternoon we had to go to the mall for something and she wanted to change her clothes. Well dad was in a hurry and he wasn't playing that so she went with what she was wearing (what looked to me like a nice shirt and shorts set). Well, when my wife gets home my daughter says, "Daddy made me go to the store in my jammies!" Fighting over kids 2517814472

    LOL! Ally ratted you out.
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    • Post n°11

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    Post by FireIce918 Fri Jul 20, 2012 12:03 am

    Shale wrote:I've never been a parent to an infant but I will dare to say you should have let THE FATHER make some decisions in the care of HIS CHILD.

    The baby doesn't care - she would be just as happy scooting around naked (perhaps more so). So, this is a conflict of your choosing and he took up the gauntlet and now you are fighting over who has control. IDK what solution. IDK the relation he has with his mother - perhaps they share the same bad taste in clothes. Or he is just doing it as a statement to assert that he be included in his child's care (It's what I think with the info provided).

    I agree. I don't have kids either, but I know they tend to throw up and ruin shit anyway.

    If anything I would come to an agreement I learned a long time ago about hideous clothes/gifts--keep them tucked so deep into an overstuffed drawer that they're almost forgotten about, and only showcase them when the gift giver will be present.
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    • Post n°12

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    Post by Alan Smithee Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:07 am

    Nystyle709 wrote:

    LOL! Ally ratted you out.

    She claims she first heard "fuck" from me but I KNOW it was her mother! Wink
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    • Post n°13

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    Post by Nystyle709 Fri Jul 20, 2012 10:31 pm

    Alan Smithee wrote:

    She claims she first heard "fuck" from me but I KNOW it was her mother! Wink

    Hey, kids don't lie.
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    Post by Alan Smithee Fri Jul 20, 2012 11:32 pm

    Nystyle709 wrote:

    Hey, kids don't lie.

    Only when they're in pain Wink. Besides, Deb knows it's true. But she still busts my balls.
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    • Post n°15

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    Post by Tony Marino Mon Jul 23, 2012 8:09 am

    Cat look at it this way, the baby will outgrow the outfit probably by next month anyways. I surely understand where you are coming from but Daddy needs to have some input as well. If the outfit is that hideous just make sure its on her a day you are not leaving the house with the baby.
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    Post by CatEyes10736 Sat Jul 28, 2012 11:48 pm

    Well thankfully the situation has now blown over. My BF has acknowledged that his mothers outfit isn't the most flattering, but he felt like the baby should wear it at least once as a gesture of appreciation. We've since dressed her in that same outfit a second time, took a picture of her in it and emailed it to his mom so that she could see how she looks in it. After that we both agreed that she won't wear it again. laughing
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    • Post n°17

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    Post by FireIce918 Mon Jul 30, 2012 8:31 pm

    CatEyes10736 wrote:Well thankfully the situation has now blown over. My BF has acknowledged that his mothers outfit isn't the most flattering, but he felt like the baby should wear it at least once as a gesture of appreciation. We've since dressed her in that same outfit a second time, took a picture of her in it and emailed it to his mom so that she could see how she looks in it. After that we both agreed that she won't wear it again. laughing

    Great compromise! You nipped it in the bud and turned it into a win/win! That's difficult enough in any relationship! cheers
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