How Do You Say Goodbye?

I'm going to keep this short but let me start by saying I have a friend who has been battling Cancer for almost 2 years now. It has been very up & down these past few months. But I just received news that they are making him as "comfortable" as they can. When I asked what that meant, I was told he doesn't have long. When I asked how long, I was told a week, hopefully 2. I'm going to see him tomorrow. To be totally honest I have no idea what to say or what to do when I see him. I have never been in this situation before and am very scared and nervous. His birthday was last month, he didn't look good when I seen him then. I've had friends who have passed but have been blind sided by their passing, how do I deal/handle this when I know that they don't have long? This is all so heartbreaking, he's leaving behind his wife, their daughter and 2 stepchildren. When I went to their wedding in 2008, no way in hell could I ever imagine them being in this situation. I'm afraid for his wife and children, I can't imagine what they are going through, they been through so much already, having gone through the past few years with him.

Okay, I said i was going to keep it short, but I wanted to ask, has anyone been in this situation before?

First off There are no words that will make anyone feel better Cheaps. The best thing you can do is let them know you are there for them & that you love them. This may be hard but you need to focus on the good times & not the grief & sadness if you can. If you're able to, it's best to do all that away from them. That facade isn't always easy, believe me but I think it's better for them if I'm not losing it & crying because it's difficult enough for them already. They really just need to know that they're loved & that you're there.

Yes, I've known several people who were terminal. I just had someone I loved very much pass away from pancreatic cancer in May. There's nothing you can do except tell them you love them. Make sure to make your peace. The rest is in God's hands.

^^Thanks everyone, yes I will make sure to take all of your guy's advice.

You're in our thoughts Cheaps

CeCe wrote: You're in our thoughts Cheaps

Thanks CeCe

I can't do any better than what CeCe, NY and Shale have already told you.

Thank you Alan!

I just got word they are giving him less than 36 hours. Holy shit. I'm at work right now and am off really late otherwise I'd see him tonight. I'm going first thing in the morning, I pray I'm able to see and talk to him.

Thanks again everyone for your kind words.

All I can say is bring your camera. I know it may seem inappropriate, but if your friend and his family are accepting of it, get some pictures. It doesn't matter what he looks like on the outside--he's still the friend you know and love, on the inside. You'll appreciate the photos later. I have a friend who's sister in law just died on Monday, from cancer, and they made it out to see her, just in time before she went. I'm hoping he brought his camera, too, since I'd mentioned it to him.

When an elderly relative of mine, died a few years ago, I took pictures at the graveside service and at the after-reception. Nothing morbid like coffins or open graves, though. ..just of family and friends since it was somewhat of a reunion for all of us who haven't seen each other in a while. It felt really wrong to be photographing during a funeral, but you know what? Everyone loved the pics afterwards and were very thankful that I'd done that.

So maybe that will help bring closure to you, Cheaps--take a few pics with your friend, his family, and remember that death is not final--he's just "graduating" from Earth, "going home" to where we all originally came from, and you'll see him again someday.

Hyacinth Girl wrote:...and remember that death is not final--he's just "graduating" from Earth, "going home" to where we all originally came from, and you'll see him again someday.

I remember reading the obit notice for a classmate's parent. It read, "so and so made their transition on..." I thought that was a pretty cool way of saying they've shuffled off this mortal coil.

Dont know if you really did go already, but I wanted to tell you to prepare yourself for what you might see. If he is on a morphine drip, he might be completely out of it anyway. My gram was on morphine for 3wks and never said a word. Every once in awhile she would open her eyes and look around, but it was like she was looking past us, not at us. When she died, she sat up and started talking to her dead husband. Was laughing at his ugly suit saying that they were going on a date, then just fell to the bed and died. I saw this also happen with an uncle --- he died in front of me and his second wife. Hadnt said a word for over a week, then started talking to the first wife and trying to reach for her.

I would just talk to him about fun times you had. Then say something like "goodbye my friend, we've had some good times". I know there are people who do not believe in an afterlife... but when you see some funky ass crap like dying people seeing dead people, it really makes you wonder.

If you need someone to talk to, you know we are all here for you.

Yes I have been through it Cheaps. The advice CeCe gave you is perfect. If you have anything you want to say or tell him now is the time. Be brave, more than likely he knows he is going to die and the last thing someone in that position wants to see is someone crying over them. You don't have to say goodbye, a smiple see you later or talk to you later is sufficient.

I hope your o.k. if you need to talk I am here for you as are all the Chamber members. Good luck Cheaps.

I'm sorry that you are going through this Cheaps. I think the only thing to do in this case would be to just see your friend, and make the most of those last moments you'll have with him. Say everything you ever wanted to say, but didn't. Be honest. Tell him exactly how you're feeling. And if he is able to communicate, hear him out so that he can do the same. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to say goodbye to someone whose time is running out. The only thing that can happen that'll make those final moments worthwhile is acceptance of the situation, no pretense and an appreciation for every little bit of time left you can share.

IDK about taking pix. As everyone knows I am a prolific pic taker but there are some times when ppl may not want remembered.

Especially with wasting weight loss, like a lot of ppl with cancer go thru.

This last pic of my wife was taken exactly two years before she died. She lost more weight from here and it literally was not a pretty picture.



I have a collection of pix of her that I prefer to remember her by.

One way to help ease your friend's mind is to let him know you will stand by his wife and children offering them as much help as you can.

Cheaps, I hope it was a good, loving visit today. Hugs to you. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Aw man....I'm sorry to hear that. My uncle passed from cancer (coming up on the 13 year anniversary in a few days) and the best I can recommend is interacting with him as you normally would. Hopefully he has made his own peace and won't ask much of you other than to do just that.

I don't think you say goodbye....you just recognize that closure is coming and savor every last moment.

Thank you everyone for you kind words!!

I did go to see him Friday, his daughter announced that I was there, she was like "cheaps is here", I went up, he seen me and asked for kiss and a hug, spent a few hours there with him and his family, looked through photo albums and such. When I left I didn't say goodbye, and that I would see him tomorrow (Saturday). We didn't get that chance though. I am holding up well, things have just been real surreal. His wife and kids are doing amazingly strong as well.

I didn't wanna leave yall hangin, so I wanted to say thanks again for everyones reply, you guys are all great.

And I wanted to send for you members as well who have had loss as well.

Cheaps, it seems as if you had a very quality visit. I am so happy to hear it. Hugs.

RedBedroom wrote:Cheaps, it seems as if you had a very quality visit. I am so happy to hear it. Hugs.

Thanks Red

Sounds like a wonderful very loving visit Cheaps

You handled that situation with a lot of class, Cheaps. I hope the visit gave you some peace, because I'm sure it did him.

^^^ Thanks you two