Okay, I know this guy, a close friend of mine actually (we'll just call him "T") and he's what I would consider a normal 24 year old, college student in most respects. He actually used to be in the military (we served together) and he got out and is now in-between jobs, but finishing school on his GI Bill. Anyways, something I've always found "curious" about him is that he LOVES children. Now, you might ask what's so weird about that, and the truth is there really shouldn't anything weird or wrong with that. But I still find it kind of strange for some reason. I mean he often volunteers to babysit for other people's kids for free (friends of his) while they go out, gives them a bath, plays with them a lot, and takes pictures of them goofing around on the playground and even puts them on his Facebook. Does anybody find anything, unusual about that or is it just me overreacting? I mean, as far as I know "T" is a really good guy (chill, down to Earth) and trustworthy. He genuinely seems like he cares about kids. But his personality with children almost seems too good to be true as I compare him with most other guys his age, which kind of makes me wonder WHY he's into kids so much. I'm curious as to what other people think of this situation?

The Facebook thing would make me suspicious because it's not a good idea to even put your OWN kids' pictures on there...the rest of it though, I don't know. But I think another question that needs to be asked is if this was a woman, would it seem as odd? There's a big double standard about that, parents in general but fathers especially have gotten busted for taking pictures of their kids playing in the park on grounds of child pornography and being pedophiles, for photographing their fully clothed kids playing. Society has a big problem with any adults having anything to do with kids but men especially.

My husband and adult son both like kids but it has been years since they have gone anywhere near one. If a child comes near them they both walk away!

Suzi wrote:

My husband and adult son both like kids but it has been years since they have gone anywhere near one. If a child comes near them they both walk away!

That is just sad!

From what you describe it looks really suspect as to motive. Might be perfectly innocent, but still with all the situations where 'innocent' and 'trustworthy' ppl have been found to be predatory paedophiles, I would curtail any innocent attraction to kids just to avoid the suspicion (like here) that would naturally arise.

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand I agree with you in that it looks suspicious. On the other hand, it SHOULDN'T be suspicious! Why is it suspicious that a guy likes kids? Shouldn't most people be like that naturally? I don't know. I just feel like as Supernova said, it's a big double standard. If he was a girl, I wouldn't even think twice about it. It would just seem normal. By why is that? Why am I even questioning the motive, of a guy I know and am friends with, as if I don't trust him or something.

captainbryce wrote:

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand I agree with you in that it looks suspicious. On the other hand, it SHOULDN'T be suspicious! Why is it suspicious that a guy likes kids? Shouldn't most people be like that naturally? I don't know. I just feel like as Supernova said, it's a big double standard. If he was a girl, I wouldn't even think twice about it. It would just seem normal. By why is that? Why am I even questioning the motive, of a guy I know and am friends with, as if I don't trust him or something.

Yeah really, people can say all they want that mothers are the ones really raising the kids and in a lot of cases that is true, but WHAT exactly are we supposed to pull away from that? That fathers shouldn't have anything to do with their kids? They shouldn't help raise them, they shouldn't show affection towards them? There're too damn many fathers like that already and that's the problem. Maybe that's the answer though, we're so used to seeing these deadbeat bastards who don't give a damn about their kids that we don't know what to expect when one actually likes being around kids at all. But even if you're not a parent it's the same way, men are not trusted to be daycare workers, they HAVE to have a woman with them all time so they can't be suspected of doing anything wrong. How fucked up is that?

Do you know anything about his family? I have found that men from big families love kids. Not only do you deal with your siblings, but you grow up with your sibling's kids in some cases. My bro loves kids, and he is not a perv.

I also have known a man for 20yrs who found out at the age of 22 that he had testicular cancer. He had a testicle removed, and they told him that he would never have kids. It broke his heart and he spent so much more time with other people's kids. Eventually, he WAS able to have 2 of his own. And today, at 40, his whole house is filled with teenagers at all times. He is also the youngest of 7 kids... so the "noise" of the kids seems normal and feels more like home.

Would i be suspicious of him if he were around MY kid? probably, but only because i know that i would not trust anyone around my kids.My 3 nephews are 21-25, and at no time where they ever watched by someone outside the family as children. In their teens, they were permitted to hang at their friends' homes, but not as smaller kids. the world is too sick and twisted.

Captain, usually if the alarm signals are going off in you, there's a reason for it. I'm not saying your friend is guilty of being a pedophile, but it may be a situation to just "watch and wait". Don't stop being his friend in any different of a capacity as you do now, but it might not hurt to keep a watchful eye, or ear to the ground.

You could also approach him regarding the Facebook pics--mention "as a friend", that you're concerned that he may get in trouble somehow, for posting pics of other people's children, and ask if he got the parents' permission for him to post the pics--that may be enough to scare him a bit, and see how he reacts.

Hyacinth Girl wrote:

Captain, usually if the alarm signals are going off in you, there's a reason for it. I'm not saying your friend is guilty of being a pedophile, but it may be a situation to just "watch and wait". Don't stop being his friend in any different of a capacity as you do now, but it might not hurt to keep a watchful eye, or ear to the ground.

You could also approach him regarding the Facebook pics--mention "as a friend", that you're concerned that he may get in trouble somehow, for posting pics of other people's children, and ask if he got the parents' permission for him to post the pics--that may be enough to scare him a bit, and see how he reacts.

It could be completely innocent. He may just like kids like people like puppies. In order to be a pedophile there has to be a sexual attraction.

It's a tough call.

Thanks everyone!

You've been give great advice about trusting your instincts and keeping your eyes open. That said, I wanted to add something.

In my adult life, I have known a few younger guys who are always playing with the kids and similar to what you described. And it has been because they like the attention they get from everyone praising them for "being so great with the kiddos." Sometimes it is self-serving. So perhaps this guy seems a bit off to you because he isn't as genuine in his adoration of the kids as he wants others to think.

Hyacinth Girl wrote:

Captain, usually if the alarm signals are going off in you, there's a reason for it. I'm not saying your friend is guilty of being a pedophile, but it may be a situation to just "watch and wait". Don't stop being his friend in any different of a capacity as you do now, but it might not hurt to keep a watchful eye, or ear to the ground.

You could also approach him regarding the Facebook pics--mention "as a friend", that you're concerned that he may get in trouble somehow, for posting pics of other people's children, and ask if he got the parents' permission for him to post the pics--that may be enough to scare him a bit, and see how he reacts.

Thanks for the advice!