"Survivors' Guilt"

What does that term mean to you?

I always thought meant if one was in a situation where he/she could have been killed, but wasn't, yet a friend/family member did, then that may lead to survivors' guilt.

Yet, the definition has changed to me. A few years ago, my friend died in a car accident. Our sons are close.

Her son spends the night often and I swear, I get so emotional when he does.

I just feel so lucky to see the boys doing all their stuff together when she can't. But I swear, I feel so bad. And Jay is of little help because he thinks I am being crazy. He doesn't understand that "momma bond."

RedBedroom wrote:...I always thought meant if one was in a situation where he/she could have been killed, but wasn't, yet a friend/family member did, then that may lead to survivors' guilt.

This is the definition as I understand it.

RedBedroom wrote:...I just feel so lucky to see the boys doing all their stuff together when she can't. But I swear, I feel so bad. And Jay is of little help because he thinks I am being crazy. He doesn't understand that "momma bond."

This seems more like grieving.

Shale wrote:
This is the definition as I understand it.


This seems more like grieving.

Yeah, what Opa Shale said. I'm sorry for your loss, Red.

I dunno. I don't know if I could feel guilty about being a survivor. Means I'm here for a reason.....

For me, the term means "For what purpose was I spared?" I felt that when I was going through cancer, and watching some of the cancer patients I did work on as a lab tech, not survive. Ironic, that I was both patient and provider at times in my life, but that was the big one for me. I'd be sitting there, finding blood for transfusion for patients, right after I'd just gotten juiced up with chemo, myself, and while I don't see it so much as "guilt" in the sense that I should have died, too, but rather that there was a reason that I survived and was allowed to live. And that's the part that should dominate all things in the rest of my life.

Agree with the guys. It's a situation where you could have been killed but lived through it when others were not so fortunate.

I think what you're feeling Red is a combination of grieving & empathy for the child who lost his mother.

RedBedroom wrote:What does that term mean to you?

I always thought meant if one was in a situation where he/she could have been killed, but wasn't, yet a friend/family member did, then that may lead to survivors' guilt.

Yet, the definition has changed to me. A few years ago, my friend died in a car accident. Our sons are close.

Her son spends the night often and I swear, I get so emotional when he does.

I just feel so lucky to see the boys doing all their stuff together when she can't. But I swear, I feel so bad. And Jay is of little help because he thinks I am being crazy. He doesn't understand that "momma bond."

I agree with your Red that is what I think.

I always assumed that it was based on, as you said, the feeling of guilt because their life was spared and the other persons wasn't. Especially if the circumstances leading to the other persons death were heightened by the actions of the one who was spared.

Reminds me of that episode of Family Ties when Alex Keeton's friend died in a car crash and he blamed himself.