I saw this at another board, and thought I'd share. It's got a very clear pro-Republican/anti-Democrat slant, but was still a slightly interesting read...

If a Republican doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a Democrat doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Republican doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
A Democrat demands that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Republican reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it because he’s “offended”.

lol Don't worry Crats, I am absolutely positive there is a Pro-Democrat one of these(that likely won't apply to reality but that's life) for you to enjoy.

I definitely did get a good laugh out of this. Thank You!

Now, sound the alarm; prepare for the hounds!

I got annoyed and had a moment, so I made some...adjustments:


If a Republican doesn't like guns, he blames the filthy brown liberals when he gets shot.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he really just wants some gun control to protect his kids and avoids Ted Nugent.

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he eats giant steaks because he still enjoys killing stuff.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he tells the people better ways to feed themselves and their families. Usually involving Tofurkey

If a Republican is homosexual, he lies about it, marries a woman...then later gets caught on 20/20 with a rent boi.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands respect and the freedom to be himself out of the dark closet.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how the middle class and poor can support him.
A Democrat relies on those he's helped when they were down and out themselves to help lift him up again.

If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he lies about that person's character and insinuates that Jesus hates that unamerican SOB.
Democrats just laugh about it on the Daily Show and the Colbert Report :-D

If a Republican is a non-believer, he lies and says he believes so his friends will still like him and he can somehow make money from his "faith".
A Democrat non-believer just doesn't want his children brainwashed or more people tortured and killed in the name of White Jesus.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he simply cheats a system designed to be cheated by the rich or prominent so that he can have it.
A Democrat wants everyone to help pay so everyone can have good fair care.

If a Republican is concerned with oil dependence, he finds ways to make as much money as he can before its gone no matter who gets hurt.
A Democrat will look for alternative energy sources like wind power, while riding a bike or driving a Prius or something...

If a Republican reads this, he'll shake his fists about the dang liberal media and their lies.
A Democrat will send it to Jon Stewart and Keith Olbermann and Lewis Black, and we'd send it to George Carlin if we could...

Sorry Rethuglicans, America's really sick of your greedy bullshit


Post your "If a Republican...If a Democrat..."

If a rich Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how the middle class and poor can support him.

If a poor Republican is down-and-out, he blames the minorities & illegals for taking all the jobs.

The irony is, the OP had the ones that have the Democrats down pat. All of the adjustments just aren't how things work outside of the liberal mind(And I am ashamed at how bad some of you did. Gosh, I think I could've taken better jabs at the Republicans than that. Get with it! ).

IDK why Liberals would have a moment at reading those. I read all of your edits and I had a good laugh at how untrue(or uncreative) they were. :biggrin:

RobbieFTW wrote:

Lots of Republicans don't like guns Robbie. Drop your stereotypes.

Lots of Republicans don't like meat. Prejudging much?

Easy there tiger.

That's only if he can't better himself cause their regulations wanna keep him out of work. But the Democrats typically blame the Republicans when they are down and out so I guess you at least have to concede that everyone's the same.

There are a lot of non-believing Republicans.

Wow, conspiracy theories about healthcare much? I'm sure the Republicans are making deals with the V's to get free healthcare for themselves as we speak while they unleash famine on all the poor helpless Democrats.

Oddly enough, the original post gets funnier when people make attempts to correct it. So much anger over a little joke. People need to lighten up.