Is it ethical for parents to demand that their kids remain virgins?

Do you think that parents have the right to enforce the practice of virginity on their kids; basically demanding that they remain virgins until they are of age?

I don't see why not. It's not like it ever killed anybody waiting a few damn years. And the ratio of times they actually 'benefit' from it in some kind of way vs. regretting it later and life and wishing they HAD waited and not just jumped in the sack with the first person who looked at them nice, it's not on the side of the people who think if the kid wants to do it, it's their right.

LOL they can demand it, dosen't mean they are going to remain Virgins. For boys its literally impossible to tell if they are virgins. What are they going to do a monthly inspection on the girls to see if their hymen is intact?

Tony Marino wrote:LOL they can demand it, dosen't mean they are going to remain Virgins. For boys its literally impossible to tell if they are virgins. What are they going to do a monthly inspection on the girls to see if their hymen is intact?

And if not, then what? It can be a hope for parents but a demand is unrealistic.

Well I think it's the same as them demanding their kid does not do drugs, does not start drinking in junior high or high school, does not start smoking...yeah, the kid is going to do what they want, but they ARE the parents, they HAVE to have rules, they HAVE to put their foot down on what they will and won't allow and tolerate, otherwise they're not being a parent.

And sometimes they're lucky and the kids grow up caring very much what their parents think about them. And then you're going to have kids who would stay virgins anyway because they KNOW they're not ready, they don't want to, they're not ready to risk pregnancy and throw their lives away, but usually that happens because they have SOMEBODY in their home who brings them up caring about them and what they do with their lives and giving voice to what they expect.

Chris wrote:Do you think that parents have the right to enforce the practice of virginity on their kids; basically demanding that they remain virgins until they are of age?

Yes. They can't really be there to totally ensure it, but I think a parent does have the right to enforce the expectation of virginity on their kids.

Hell yeah they do. You're a minor living under their house, you abide by their rules. I don't think it's unrealistic either. I think people just use the "unrealistic" excuse to justify their behavior. Fact is people can wait, people do wait, and, judging by the raise of teenage pregnancies and STDs despite drilling into them that they gotta use a rubber, more people SHOULD wait.

We don't have problems with parents demanding respect, that kids don't drink or do drugs, that they don't leave a mess, that they don't break the law, etc. Demanding that they remain a virgin at least until they are on their own is well within their authority, IMO. If kids don't like it, they can go live on their own. And if they can't do that, then maybe they should think twice before jumping in the sack anyway.

Indeeeeed, you know, people say kids are just going to do what they want, they're not going to think about the conesequences, well I think they had to learn that somewhere, they have to pick up from someone that behavior of not thinking about what can happen.

Because I was taught all my life before you do something, you think about what's going to happen afterward, and I always considered that whenever I thought about sex, which was one primary reason why I never did it, another because I wasn't interested, and another because I never knew any guy that I wanted to do it with, but most of all I always THOUGHT about the consequences.

^^^^Same here. I was raised to think before I act. Saving it isn't as hard as people make it out to be.

That's for damn sure, it's about as normal as breathing.

Supernova wrote:That's for damn sure, it's about as normal as breathing.

Yup! It's kind of sad to see people reducing themselves to beings a slave to their instincts by claiming that they are unable to not do it.

How are they gonna enforce it is my question and what will they do if the kid goes "rogue" and has sex? Parents should instill teaching kids to respect themselves and to make smart choices about relationships, not issue a "my way or the highway" doctrine about their sexuality. They can even stress the value of "waiting", but demanding it is tyrannical and really not up to them. Repress a kids into remaining chaste and it will eventually explode in ugly ways. The women who sleep around for validation and the guys who play around in bushes and restrooms have deeper psychological issues than just needing to get off and probably had a sexually repressed childhood.

^^^^It's not as hard to enforce it as people make it sound. How do parents enforce "no drug" rules?

Oh please. That is a load. I can say that firsthand. And it's hardly a "my way of the highway" doctrine if done right. But I do find it funny how those against parents issuing such an ultimatum to their kids are all for kids telling their legal guardians how it's gonna be. The kids can say "my way or the highway" to the parents but if the parents tell the kids to keep it in their pants, the kids will be sexually repressed? Please.

It's not tyrannical. It's merely teaching kids how to be adults by reminding them that they can't get everything that they want.

Forgiveness_Man wrote:^^^^It's not as hard to enforce it as people make it sound. How do parents enforce "no drug" rules?

Oh please. That is a load. I can say that firsthand. And it's hardly a "my way of the highway" doctrine if done right. But I do find it funny how those against parents issuing such an ultimatum to their kids are all for kids telling their legal guardians how it's gonna be. The kids can say "my way or the highway" to the parents but if the parents tell the kids to keep it in their pants, the kids will be sexually repressed? Please.

It's not tyrannical. It's merely teaching kids how to be adults by reminding them that they can't get everything that they want.

Indeeeeed, and some things you want in life you have to wait for, you can't just have it the minute you want it. Should we give 10 year olds driver's licenses because they want to hit the road themselves?

If the kid is young, like 12 and under than of course. But IMO parents can't dictate that a 16-17 year old keep their cherry. Hell the law is on their side at that point. They can legally consent to have sex if THEY want to. At some point kids grow up and start to make their own personal choices and parents have to begin to let go. Mom and dad can be as against it as they want and can say "not in this house, in the bed I bought you" but they can't demand virginity indefinitely.

Supernova wrote:Indeeeeed, and some things you want in life you have to wait for, you can't just have it the minute you want it. Should we give 10 year olds driver's licenses because they want to hit the road themselves?

It's tyrannical not to. Don't worry, we will make sure we tell them to wear seatbelts cause that will ensure beyond all doubt that they aren't killed. Telling them to wait to drive is only going to ensure that they are killed cause they got themselves into a car accident.

RobbieFTW wrote:If the kid is young, like 12 and under than of course. But IMO parents can't dictate that a 16-17 year old keep their cherry. Hell the law is on their side at that point. They can legally consent to have sex if THEY want to. At some point kids grow up and start to make their own personal choices and parents have to begin to let go. Mom and dad can be as against it as they want and can say "not in this house, in the bed I bought you" but they can't demand virginity indefinitely.

Nobody's saying indefinitely, as Chris said, until they're of age. 17 or 18 years, out of a person's whole life, how is that asking too much? The law DEMANDS you wait even longer than that to have a beer.

Supernova wrote:

Nobody's saying indefinitely, as Chris said, until they're of age. 17 or 18 years, out of a person's whole life, how is that asking too much? The law DEMANDS you wait even longer than that to have a beer.

Yes but the law doesn't demand that a kid wait until he's 18 to have sex. He can legally decide to do it 16-17 (and in some states 14-16). A parent can't tell their late hs aged kid who is dating that they must stay a virgin until they are legally 18. All they can do is implore it.

RobbieFTW wrote:

Yes but the law doesn't demand that a kid wait until he's 18 to have sex. He can legally decide to do it 16-17 (and in some states 14-16). A parent can't tell their late hs aged kid who is dating that they must stay a virgin until they are legally 18. All they can do is implore it.

They can. If the kid has a problem with it, he can fight to be emancipated.

RobbieFTW wrote:
Yes but the law doesn't demand that a kid wait until he's 18 to have sex. He can legally decide to do it 16-17 (and in some states 14-16). A parent can't tell their late hs aged kid who is dating that they must stay a virgin until they are legally 18. All they can do is implore it.

That depends on how old the other person is, if they're high school aged, then yeah 15-16, not much to be done about 17-18 year olds, but if it's a 30 or 40 year old it's a whole other ballgame.

You can 'demand' whatever you want. Whether they listen to you or not is a different story.

GrayWolf wrote:How are they gonna enforce it is my question and what will they do if the kid goes "rogue" and has sex? Parents should instill teaching kids to respect themselves and to make smart choices about relationships, not issue a "my way or the highway" doctrine about their sexuality. They can even stress the value of "waiting", but demanding it is tyrannical and really not up to them. Repress a kids into remaining chaste and it will eventually explode in ugly ways. The women who sleep around for validation and the guys who play around in bushes and restrooms have deeper psychological issues than just needing to get off and probably had a sexually repressed childhood.

It is a cliché that almost every village slut is the preacher's daughter. You can set an example for teens, inform and encourage them to do what you think is right but ulimately they tend to rebel and go their own way.

When she was 16 we told our daughter to just bring her boyfriends home to spend the night. We felt it was safer than sneaking around some lovers lane where any creep can target you. And, she only had two boyfriends to do this, one of which is with her 25 years later. Again, as for example, her mother and I lived together for three years before we got married so it would have been hypocritical to moralize about pre-marital rules.

I don't think that a parent should impose their ideas about remaining a virgin until their of age. I think that parents should do something radical and rare and accept their kids for who they are. If kids are repressed too much, when they get out on their own they're going to be reckless and irresponsible because they won't know what do with all the freedom.

Everybody has their own ideas about virginity and parents shouldn't push their ideas on their children, particularly because if they happen to "break the rules" they're going to feel horrible about themselves for something that is natural.

MandyPerfumeGirl wrote:I don't think that a parent should impose their ideas about remaining a virgin until their of age. I think that parents should do something radical and rare and accept their kids for who they are. If kids are repressed too much, when they get out on their own they're going to be reckless and irresponsible because they won't know what do with all the freedom.

Everybody has their own ideas about virginity and parents shouldn't push their ideas on their children, particularly because if they happen to "break the rules" they're going to feel horrible about themselves for something that is natural.

However, just WHY is it it's okay for them to 'be themselves' and not 'be repressed' and run rampant in the sexual playground, but drinking, oh no that's the sin to top them all, if they want to drink they MUST wait until they're in college and out of the house, where they have keggers and binge drinking constantly and many students dying from alcohol posioning once they're finally of age for that? That's okay but dammit you better let your 15 year old spread their legs for their own good? I don't get that kind of logic that some people have. Sex is okay but alcohol is the ultimate evil and who cares if they're dying by binging on campus because they're old enough for it then?

Chris wrote:Do you think that parents have the right to enforce the practice of virginity on their kids; basically demanding that they remain virgins until they are of age?

Do they have the right? Yes. It's their house and as long as the kid still lives their and is being provided for, it's the parents rules.

Is it ethical? Yes. It's not illegal and since kids are minors they don't have a constitutional "right" to have sex. Actually, it's technically illegal until they've reached the age of consent anyway.

Is it realistic? No. Kids are going to have sex whatever the parents "demands" are. When was the last time most kids obeyed their parents on the issue of sex? Probably NEVER!

Is it recommended? No. It's probably not the best form of parenting to make unrealistic "demands", especially if that is happening in lieu of giving them instructions on safe sex. The more taboo you make something, the more kids want to do it. And the more harsh you are in your convictions, the more kids will want to rebel against you because of it.