by Alan Smithee Sun Dec 12, 2010 12:35 pm
Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
— Winston S. Churchill
An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.
-Rudyard Kipling
Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the universe.
-Kurt Vonnegut
A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
-Lazarus Long
A religion that takes no account of practical affairs and does not help to solve them is no religion.
-Gandhi
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
-Winston Churchill
I am not a Marxist.
-Karl Marx
Hey, hey, hey, hey-now. Don't be mean; we don't have to be mean, cuz, remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
-Dr. Buckaroo Banzai
Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid.
-Al Czervik
An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.
-Gandhi
It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion.
And usually easier.
-Lazarus Long
We are not in the Eighth dimension, we are over New Jersey. Hope is not lost.
-Black Lectroid
I don't know if this is a matter for the costume department, makeup, or hairdressing.
-Alfred Hitchcock when he was advised that Tallulah Bankhead wasn't wearing underwear during the filming of Lifeboat (1942)
I was cured alright!
-Alexander De Large
An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
-Lazarus Long
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
-Benjamin Disraeli
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
-Mark Twain
Masturbation is cheap, clean, convenient, and free of any possibility of wrongdoing -- and you don't have to go home in the cold. But it's lonely.
-Lazarus Long
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
-Unknown
What's the difference between a peeping Tom and a pick-pocket? A pick-pocket snatches your watch.
-Redd Foxx
I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center.
-Kurt Vonnegut
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
-W. C. Fields
Only a sadistic scoundrel -- or a fool -- tells the bald truth on social occasions.
-Lazarus Long
I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it.
-W. C. Fields
The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.
-Tom Waits
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
-Lazarus Long
My C student knocked up your A student.
-Unknown, bumper sticker
You live and learn. Or you don't live long.
-Lazarus Long
Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:17 am by Chris
» NEW ADDRESS: http://conversationchamber.ipbhost.com/
Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:16 am by Chris
» New project
Sun Mar 17, 2013 2:17 am by wants2laugh
» st pattys day
Sun Mar 17, 2013 12:21 am by Bluesmama
» White smoke signals cardinals have selected a new pope
Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:11 pm by wants2laugh
» Red?
Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:05 pm by Alan Smithee
» Do You Look Like a Celebrity?
Sat Mar 16, 2013 7:57 pm by wants2laugh
» Canned Foods
Sat Mar 16, 2013 2:57 pm by CeCe
» English Muffins or Toast?
Sat Mar 16, 2013 12:45 pm by Nystyle709