I talked before about the issues my mom was having taking care of my grandma and that my grandma broke her hip last August. After surgery she just didn't respond well to rehab. My grandma's very old and very stubborn. She's never been independent, doesn't like to do for herself and always relied on others (my late grandfather and then her kids. . . my mom mostly) to take care of her. She has a habit of being cranky and difficult too. From what I heard when she was in rehab she basically refused to even bother trying to walk again. The therapists stopped seeing her because of it. When it came time for her progress to be evaluated by the staff, she got very low scores. Mentally she's fine. Physically her upper body works but her lower body just doesn't move as it should. She's 91 so alot of it is age. When you fall down at 91 and break your hip you're never gonna walk again like before (and her "before" wasn't good. . . she had to get around with a walker before the accident. . . now she's totally wheelchair bound). But the fact that she refused to try just left everyone frustrated and her looking like a lost case. So my mom had to put her in a nursing home for good. Before she was living here with us. But there was no way she could come back. My grandma now needs round the clock care & supervision. Even the simplest tasks like using the bathroom, bathing and dressing are ordeals.

Enuff about my family drama tho. What's your take on nursing homes. We all heard about those elderly people whose family dumps them in rathole homes (luckily my grandma was able to be placed in one that is nice and only 2 miles away from our house. . . she's really just down the street now) but there are some families that wouldn't THINK to put their seniors in one and will have them stay in the family home until their dying day. My mom is anti-nursing home. She's always feared the idea of my grandma having to go into one, which was the reason my grandma stayed with us for 10 years despite it never being an ideal or comfortable situation for my mom. I'm running off topic again but what I wanna know is would you put your loved ones in a home if caring for them becoming too big a task?

They look like carpeted hospitals to me. My great aunt stays in one and visiting her is depressing. She's 86 and pretty healthy though so she's not worse case scenario there.

FightSleep wrote:

They look like carpeted hospitals to me. My great aunt stays in one and visiting her is depressing. She's 86 and pretty healthy though so she's not worse case scenario there.

Exactly. My grandma shares a room with someone else and it looks pretty much like her old hospital room. I was exacting it to be more bedroomish but yeah the whole look is very hospitaly. That would make the situation seem so much worse for me.

We should introduce your grandma to my father sounds like they have a lot in common. My Dad can not walk now either but I have a 24 hour home attendant taking care of him. He wants to walk again but the therapist he has coming to his home is an asshole...don't ask.

As far as Nursing homes some of them can be pretty bad but if you have your grandma in a good one, just check on her, ask her questions about how they are treating her but beware, sometimes they make up stories because they might not like the nurse taking care of them. Find out what medications she is being given and why. Usually if they see family taking interest in the patient they will think twice before they try any neglect. MY father was in the nursing home rehab 4 times already and I had to raise hell a few times but I got results doing so.

The 7th level of hell. The final confirmation that old age is a prison/death sentence, they're a place you wouldn't even wish you worst enemy to be confined to, and I am NEVER going to one when I'm old, and I'm never putting my mother in one either, no matter what happens to her in 20 or 30 years.

They're a sad end, but sometimes necessary. I hate that many are so horrid and vile, but I'm sure there are plenty that have caring staff. Unfortunately those are usually hard to get in and often a seniors insurance won't pay for them to live in the better ones. My late great grandma lived to be 94 and resided in a nursing home for the last four years of her life. It was sad because we all sort of knew it was the end of the line for her and that when she went in, that was it. No coming out. It was her final stop.

Tony Marino wrote:

We should introduce your grandma to my father sounds like they have a lot in common.

Cool then maybe they'd get married and you'd be my uncle!

Quote :

My Dad can not walk now either but I have a 24 hour home attendant taking care of him. He wants to walk again but the therapist he has coming to his home is an asshole...don't ask.

Hey! I brought up to my mom your suggestion about that. . . a home attendant. She mentioned it at the "meeting" her and my aunts had with my grandma's therapist at the rehab center. Their problem with the idea was the hassle it would take to find someone who would be good, that could be trusted to be in the house all day and not steal from us and the enormous pay - as home attendants we imagine wouldn't come cheap. From there they all decided that a nursing home would be the more practical option even if sadder.

Quote :

As far as Nursing homes some of them can be pretty bad but if you have your grandma in a good one, just check on her, ask her questions about how they are treating her but beware, sometimes they make up stories because they might not like the nurse taking care of them. Find out what medications she is being given and why. Usually if they see family taking interest in the patient they will think twice before they try any neglect. MY father was in the nursing home rehab 4 times already and I had to raise hell a few times but I got results doing so.

Yep my mom goes to see my grandma just about every day and so does my aunt (my other aunt just moved out of state). Me and my sisters stop by once a week to see her, as do my cousins. So every day someone from the family is there at least once a day. Sometimes multiple times a day. We do that to make sure the place is on the up and up with what they're SUPPOSED to be doing and how they're treating her. Also because my grandma can be difficult and sometimes plain mean, my mom wants to develop positive rapport with the staff to counterbalance that just in case grandma decides to tick somebody off there. It's been an interesting adjustment and my heart breaks seeing my grandma having to stay in a senior home but the truth is that it was the most practical thing. She was already becoming impossible to care for BEFORE her accident and after it just pushed it totally OTT.

It really depends on the home. We had to place my Grandma in one for very similar reasons as yours, Robbie, The first home was a lot bigger and wasn't as well run but it was decent. The other home was awesome. They had the residents involved in all kinds of activities and really worked to keep them active and enjoying life. They had them baking and helping with meal prep and gardening and everything they could.

My one aunt wasn't as involved Grandma was in a nursing home in her city but other aunt who lived further away was quite involved, even though it took her 3 hours to come into town to visit. When my grandma moved to the second home, where my other aunt lived, she was there every day visiting and doing things for my Grandma. One day the cat followed her to the home and went around, visiting the residents, much to their delight. It really depend son the home. Some of them are wonderful, some are adequate and others are horrible.

TSJFan4Ever wrote:

... One day the cat followed her to the home and went around, visiting the residents, much to their delight. ...

This is a new concept and I have seen nursing homes with resident cats. Now and then if you can find a mellow one, dogs are therapeutic also.

I work in an Intermediate Care Facility for developmentally disabled adults and we had a resident cat here for a decade before she died. There are others coming around now to fill the void. These are mostly able-bodied residents but they enjoy the normalcy of a pet hanging around.

It's got to be a real mind f**k for a senior to have to move into one as its for the most part the last stop before death. Most old people not gonna ever leave once they check in.

I think too often they're just warehouses for our senior citizens. Sometimes it just can't be helped if they're medical (or mental) condition makes it the only alternative to living in their own home or with their family. If you do put someone in one though, you owe it to them to visit often.

Robbie, I think it is great that she has a lot of visitors. I worked as a housekeeper in one in high school and I could see that most of the C.N.A.'s treated those with regular visits "better"....they never had to wait as long for things, and they were just in general more pleasant, as they never knew who was in ear shot.

HI RED!!!!!!!