Fantasies...

Do you think it's wrong to fantasize about other people when you are in a committed relationship? Does it matter if it's someone you know, a famous person, or a stranger? What about fantasizing while you're getting busy, does that change the morality of it in your opinion?

I'm just curious because I asked the same question in another forum where it's mostly women and one of the options was "that's the same as cheating" and 50% chose that option. I was shocked by that, because I don't think that way at ALL. Of course all opinions are valid and IMO what matters is that the two (or whatever number of) people in the committed relationship agree on what's okay and what isn't.

thepossiblepolice wrote:Do you think it's wrong to fantasize about other people when you are in a committed relationship?

No. Since when does being in a relationship turns you into a non-human?

thepossiblepolice wrote:Does it matter if it's someone you know, a famous person, or a stranger?

No. For the most part, that's all people who fantasize need. To fantasize. If they can do that without actually going out and cheating, then it's all good.

thepossiblepolice wrote:What about fantasizing while you're getting busy, does that change the morality of it in your opinion?

Now that's another can of worms. If you have fantasize about someone else while you're doing it, something about your sex life with that person might be off. In any case, better not let him/her know about it.

I don't think there is anything wrong with fantasizing. As long as it stays that. As far as doing it while you’re “doing it”? I can’t say that’s exactly being unfaithful to your partner but I think there could be a problem with the relationship.

Not many responses here but totally the opposite of what the people on the website populated 99% by women said

It is obviously a step down from outright cheating, but IMO it's still immoral and a form of cheating. A lesser offense is still an offense. No need to fantasize if you're truly happy.

I don't think there is anything wrong with fantasizing as long as you keep it to yourself if your in a committed relationship. How would it be cheating if your not physically with the person of your fantasy?

I don't think so. Cheating is a physical act, IMO. I think it's natural for everyone to continue to fantasize, even when they're in a committed relationship.

The day you stop fantasizing is the day you're soul grows cold.

RobbieFTW wrote:The day you stop fantasizing is the day you're soul grows cold.

If you need those types of fantasies, I think your soul might be already there. Some people don't need fantasies if they are happy with their life. If course, this is strictly speaking bout one type of fantasy.

I don't think fantasizing is cheating, but when I'm involved I try to not fantasize about anyone LOCAL who I deal with in person and COULD holla at....I consider that dangerous. I try to keep it on those who're out of grasp.

My husband I both think it's okay. We're both relatively open minded and secure in our relationship though...Back when we first got married or first got together I was a lot more insecure and I didn't like the thought of it...Of him fantasizing and I felt no need to personally so it bothered me. After over 11 years of marriage though I see it as not threatening and a "safe" way to have fun and spice things up a bit...So I'm completely okay with it now.

Nystyle709 wrote:

thepossiblepolice wrote:Do you think it's wrong to fantasize about other people when you are in a committed relationship?

No. Since when does being in a relationship turns you into a non-human?

thepossiblepolice wrote:Does it matter if it's someone you know, a famous person, or a stranger?

No. For the most part, that's all people who fantasize need. To fantasize. If they can do that without actually going out and cheating, then it's all good.

thepossiblepolice wrote:What about fantasizing while you're getting busy, does that change the morality of it in your opinion?

Now that's another can of worms. If you have fantasize about someone else while you're doing it, something about your sex life with that person might be off. In any case, better not let him/her know about it.

i agree wit everythin she said

No thoughts aren't cheating. It's only human to be attracted to people, even if they aren't you S.O.

It really depends. If my BF was crushing on/fantasizing about some phony celebrity that he can't have, then hey whatever. I would have a real problem with it though if he was fantasizing about some girl he either knows or is in close enough proximity for him to talk to.

CatEyes10736 wrote:It really depends. If my BF was crushing on/fantasizing about some phony celebrity that he can't have, then hey whatever. I would have a real problem with it though if he was fantasizing about some girl he either knows or is in close enough proximity for him to talk to.

See, I think it's totally normal for people to fantasize and all that, but I don't want to know if he's fantasizing about someone that he actually knows in person. I don't care if he DOES it, but I don't want to know...I trust him not to cheat on me otherwise I wouldn't want him to fantasize about people that he knows either...

cheaps wrote:

Nystyle709 wrote:

No. Since when does being in a relationship turns you into a non-human?




No. For the most part, that's all people who fantasize need. To fantasize. If they can do that without actually going out and cheating, then it's all good.




Now that's another can of worms. If you have fantasize about someone else while you're doing it, something about your sex life with that person might be off. In any case, better not let him/her know about it.

i agree wit everythin she said

+1

thepossiblepolice wrote:Do you think it's wrong to fantasize about other people when you are in a committed relationship?

No, not at all. Even when you're head-over-heels for that person, there are times when you're not going to find each other all that attractive and the mind will wander. It's only human nature for the mind to wander.

Does it matter if it's someone you know, a famous person, or a stranger?

It would bother me if I was in a relationship with a man and he continuously thought about someone I knew or he knew. As for a famous person or stranger, it wouldn't bother me.

What about fantasizing while you're getting busy, does that change the morality of it in your opinion?

I don't know about this one. It does make it different because you're taking the fantasy to a physical level. This is tough.

With all that said, I would never consider fantasizing the same as cheating. Cheating is a physical act, not a mental act. If all the people who ever fantasized was a cheater, none of us would be true blue.

Tony Marino wrote:I don't think there is anything wrong with fantasizing as long as you keep it to yourself if your in a committed relationship. How would it be cheating if your not physically with the person of your fantasy?

ITA with this. I guess it depends on how far you go in terms of fantasizing and how much time it takes up,but as long as it's only in your mind, I don't see it being that big of an issue.

To be honest, NOBODY shares every single passing thought with their significant other. Regarding fantasies during the actual act... I can't see how it's a real problem or even close to cheating. There's a big difference between fantasies and obsession. If you need to fantasize in order to "get through it," then something is very wrong with the relationship and sex is the LEAST of the problems.

I guess I can use robbing a bank as an analogy. I've been a bank and had a passing thought of how that much money could pay off my bills, whatever... How I'd plan it and get away. Then immediately dismissed it after a few seconds because of my morals, ethics, and of course the certainty of getting caught and all the consequences. I'm just admitting what a lot of people think, but won't say. But there are some who aren't able to dismiss harmless thoughts and take action. Maybe it just depends on the person.