I have a friend who started becoming sexually active when he was 10 and with someone who was over 18. Legally it's child molestation but he says he doesn't feel like he was molested because he was an eager participant. He feels like at the most he was seduced and from there wanted to mess around. He also says he has a problem with attaching victim status on people who don't feel they were victimized.

What do you think?

I started messing around at 11, but with another kid. Not an adult.

Shale wrote:

I have a friend (my fuck buddy actually - 33 years younger than me) who was molested as a child by family but has incorporated it well and does not see himself as a victim. He is very sensual and sexual and remembers just the pleasure of having sex as a child.

It appears it can affect ppl differently.

Seems that way. I messed around at 11 but the first time I had full blown sex was 2 days before my 15th b-day and the guy was probably in his early-mid 20s. If the law found out, they would have put him under the jail but at 15 to call it sexual molestation would have been totally crazy.

I started messing around at 8 years old but at age 12 I was molested by a much older man. At first it bothered me a lot when i thought about it and of course he would have been put in jail immediately. Now when I think about it I get angry that my parents did not protect me from this predator. It has not messed me up sexually and now I don't even think about it anymore.

I don't think anyone that had such an experience at 10 can look back on it and not see it, at least somewhat, as a violation of the law and of their body. An 18 plus year old knows that a ten year old is no where near old enough to consent. Just because a ten year old would like to and is an active participant, it doesn't make it ok. But it is probably a good thing that your friend has that take on it so that he is not dwelling on that part of his history.

Tony Marino wrote:

I started messing around at 8 years old but at age 12 I was molested by a much older man. At first it bothered me a lot when i thought about it and of course he would have been put in jail immediately. Now when I think about it I get angry that my parents did not protect me from this predator. It has not messed me up sexually and now I don't even think about it anymore.

I hate to hear that that happened to you Tony my paisan! Glad it didn't mess you up sexually at the very least. I think starting so young did mess me up sexually a little, I wasn't molested but the whole playing around too early introduced me to something I wasn't that mature enough to handle and for a long time I was a sexual hound dog and did some stuff that I'm not too proud of looking back now. I think I'm just now starting to calm down.

RedBedroom wrote:

I don't think anyone that had such an experience at 10 can look back on it and not see it, at least somewhat, as a violation of the law and of their body. An 18 plus year old knows that a ten year old is no where near old enough to consent. Just because a ten year old would like to and is an active participant, it doesn't make it ok. But it is probably a good thing that your friend has that take on it so that he is not dwelling on that part of his history.

I think it's a good thing that he seems so OK with what happened to and hope it's not just him blowing smoke up his own ass to make himself not feel bad.

RobbieFTW wrote:

I have a friend who started becoming sexually active when he was 10 and with someone who was over 18. Legally it's child molestation but he says he doesn't feel like he was molested because he was an eager participant. He feels like at the most he was seduced and from there wanted to mess around. He also says he has a problem with attaching victim status on people who don't feel they were victimized.

What do you think?

I started messing around at 11, but with another kid. Not an adult.

I think your friend is rationalizing for the sake of his own sanity, there is no such thing as a ten year old child being 'seduced' by a full grown adult. He was molested and that's all there is to it. Whether he "feels" victimized by the experience or not is beside the point, he was. Not all victimization has a traumatic effect on the prey, but it doesn't negate the degeneracy of it.

He was molested, point blank. The law is very age specific when it comes to things of this nature. While it may be fortunate that your friend doesn't have any hang ups about what happened to him, he needs to know that what happened to him wasn't appropriate in the least.

I think the danger in this argument is that at 10 you don't understand consequences the way that you do as an adult, and that's why statutory rape is a separate offense than rape, or child molestation.

I saw a guy on Oprah years ago who believed that there was no such thing as child molestation, that it's not something that is harmful if done a certain way to a willing child, and that as long as adults don't make a big deal about it, it would be okay.

Personally, as a person who was molested at age 4, I have to disagree. Did I do what I did willingly, at age four? Yes, because my babysitter wanted me to do it and I wanted her to be happy. But I didn't like it and I felt ashamed.

If the kid is willing and into it, fine, it's not "molestation" but if they are below the age of consent and the person they are doing it with is much older than they are, I have a problem with it.

Shale wrote:

I used to play with my 11-year-old cousin's pussy and she really liked it.

(I was 9 at the time, playing doctor. And I would tire of my probing and want to quit and she would insist that I examine her further.)

Kids can be sexually curious before puberty (Actually, I remember little short coarse hairs around cuz' pussy - just starting puberty). I think the real harm comes when adults get involved and start overreacting. Without all the negative input, kids might just blow it off as mentioned in these examples.

They were 10 and EIGHTEEN. Not nine and eleven. Your example is futile. There is a big difference in playing 'doctor' with a child when you're an adult.

RobbieFTW wrote:

Tony Marino wrote:

I started messing around at 8 years old but at age 12 I was molested by a much older man. At first it bothered me a lot when i thought about it and of course he would have been put in jail immediately. Now when I think about it I get angry that my parents did not protect me from this predator. It has not messed me up sexually and now I don't even think about it anymore.

I hate to hear that that happened to you Tony my paisan! Glad it didn't mess you up sexually at the very least. I think starting so young did mess me up sexually a little, I wasn't molested but the whole playing around too early introduced me to something I wasn't that mature enough to handle and for a long time I was a sexual hound dog and did some stuff that I'm not too proud of looking back now. I think I'm just now starting to calm down.

RedBedroom wrote:

I don't think anyone that had such an experience at 10 can look back on it and not see it, at least somewhat, as a violation of the law and of their body. An 18 plus year old knows that a ten year old is no where near old enough to consent. Just because a ten year old would like to and is an active participant, it doesn't make it ok. But it is probably a good thing that your friend has that take on it so that he is not dwelling on that part of his history.

I think it's a good thing that he seems so OK with what happened to and hope it's not just him blowing smoke up his own ass to make himself not feel bad.

Robbie at 8 years old it started out of curiosity, it was with a few boys one older than us and was already ejaculating and that held our interest. The molestation at 12 scared the hell out of me because I thought he was going to kill me afterwards but of course he didn't and he turned out to be a gentle man. After that I too like yourself became a horn dog and wanted to know everything and anything, it was my natural curiosity as a boy I guess. I am sure that we all do things we are not proud of but that's just the way it is, if you can get past it that is all that matters.

Thinking about this more...I think that there are probably cases where it's not "molestation" for the individual because they handle it well or are into it or whatever, but for the sake of all the other kids out there who wouldn't, the law has to be clear. Once we start saying that it's sometimes okay, we're opening the door for all those sick people like the sex offender who lived near me who claimed that the 2-6 year old girls he molested all seduced him. There's no way in hell that I believe that's possible, but he's a sick guy and for people like him the law needs to be black and white, IMO.

RobbieFTW wrote:

I have a friend who started becoming sexually active when he was 10 and with someone who was over 18. Legally it's child molestation but he says he doesn't feel like he was molested because he was an eager participant. He feels like at the most he was seduced and from there wanted to mess around. He also says he has a problem with attaching victim status on people who don't feel they were victimized.

What do you think?

I started messing around at 11, but with another kid. Not an adult.

Your friend was definitely molested and at his young age he was taken advantage of. Part of the reason he may not have "felt" victimized was because at the the time he was too young to understand what was happening and that it was wrong. Adults have full capacity over their sexualities but children don't, so it isn't at all fair for them to be messed around with by someone that much more mature.

Yeah well I WAS molested at 7 and it definitely wasn't seduction. It didn't turn me crazy....(or did it?)....but I knew at the time it was some bullshit that wasn't supposed to be happening. Like Robbie said, it led to me being way too sexually interested/willing too early. By 12-13 all I wanted to do was have sex and by 14-16, I was doing it every chance I got.

RobbieFTW wrote:

I have a friend who started becoming sexually active when he was 10 and with someone who was over 18. Legally it's child molestation but he says he doesn't feel like he was molested because he was an eager participant. He feels like at the most he was seduced and from there wanted to mess around. He also says he has a problem with attaching victim status on people who don't feel they were victimized.

What do you think?

I started messing around at 11, but with another kid. Not an adult.

Since it was his experience, no one should tell him how to feel about it; that being said, I can't the idea of child molestation being being excused, simply because the child (victim) was a willing participant and suffered little emotional distress. Often times children who eagerly submit to an adults sexual misconduct do it because they are looking for a grown persons affection, love and acceptable. Situations like that just make it that much more despicable, IMO, because the vast majority of the time the adult isn't looking to give any of that, and will walk away as soon as his perverse needs are fulfilled. When that happens, I can imagine that the truth probably comes crashing down on the kid like a ton of bricks when suddenly they realize they were violated by someone who didn't give a shit about them.

Sort of like the Eddie Long story.

Hey whatever helps him cope.

Shale wrote:

Nystyle709 wrote:

There is a big difference in playing 'doctor' with a child when you're an adult.

DUH, Ya Think?

Apparently your perveted brain doesn't.


I was not advocating that it was right, merely explaining how the person Robbie recounted (or my friend) might not have considered it as harmful.

Shale wrote:

I used to play with my 11-year-old cousin's pussy and she really liked it.

(I was 9 at the time, playing doctor. And I would tire of my probing and want to quit and she would insist that I examine her further.)

Kids can be sexually curious before puberty (Actually, I remember little short coarse hairs around cuz' pussy - just starting puberty). I think the real harm comes when adults get involved and start overreacting. Without all the negative input, kids might just blow it off as mentioned in these examples.

Then you need to learn to articulate yourself better and find better wording because this statement sounds like you're advocating it. Adults shouldn't get involved and 'over react' if they find children fucking each other and/or playing with each other's private parts? LOL, one of the lamest shit I've ever heard in my life.

. No harm came to us from that, but no telling what would have been the outcome had our parents caught us and beat our asses with lots of screaming recriminations. [/size][/color][/quote][/quote]



I remember playing doctor with a boy when I was 5. We were under the covers of my bed and he told me what to do...I wasn't interested in his parts at all, he was always trying to show them to me, but I already had a little brother...He was really interesting in inspecting me though. I rolled over and there was my mom with her head under the covers...*sigh* I was beaten with the belt and his mom smacked him across the face...I remember thinking it was so unfair that he just got a smack and his mom looked like she did it only because my mom was beating me, like her heart wasn't in it.

I could have done without her reaction for sure, and I didn't feel victimized by anyone other than my mom, in that situation!

RobbieFTW wrote:

I have a friend who started becoming sexually active when he was 10 and with someone who was over 18. Legally it's child molestation but he says he doesn't feel like he was molested because he was an eager participant. He feels like at the most he was seduced and from there wanted to mess around. He also says he has a problem with attaching victim status on people who don't feel they were victimized.

What do you think?

I started messing around at 11, but with another kid. Not an adult.

Your friend was molested. He may not have felt that he was the victim, but he was the victim. The mind can work in mysterious ways and maybe this is his way, somehow, to cope with what happened to him. Maybe it's a form of denial. Not that I'm an expert in such matters, I'm just saying. He must know, deep in his heart, that even though he doesn't feel victimized, that what happened was wrong.

It would be one thing if he was 10 and he was fooling around with another child - that sort of curiosity is only natural and it's a level playing field. But for an adult to take advantage of a 10 year-old? That's molestation.

[quote="Shale"]

Shale wrote:

... I think the real harm comes when adults get involved and start overreacting. Without all the negative input, kids might just blow it off as mentioned in these examples.

Nystyle709 wrote:

Then you need to learn to articulate yourself better and find better wording because this statement sounds like you're advocating it. Adults shouldn't get involved and 'over react' if they find children fucking each other and/or playing with each other's private parts? LOL, one of the lamest shit I've ever heard in my life.

How else can I articulate? I was not advocating that it was right, merely explaining how the person Robbie recounted (or my friend) might not have considered it as harmful. That without all the negative input, kids might just blow it off as mentioned in these examples.



That's besides the point. Blowing off the fact that something perverted has been done to them isn't something to aim for or hope for. That's essentially what you're saying.

You seemed to insinuate that I was advocating sex with children by adults, when in fact I was pointing out that some children have shown they can incorporate some things without seeming to be harmed. And I was refering to the examples put forth here.

"I used to play with my cousin's pussy and she really liked it". "My cousin had coarse hairs around her pussy". "When I wanted to stop, she didn't". "We were only 9 and 11 'playing doctor". Then in the next breath, you're going to state that adults if wouldn't react to children doing this type of behavior, they would blow off perverted things being done them as if it should be a normal part of growing up. Try to read your statement from the outside looking in and tell me if that shit doesn't come off as being ridiculous. If that's not what you meant, then my bad....but I'm only going by what I read. That's what I called you out on.


Now, you seem to be going all ballistic because I called you on that misunderstanding and you subsequently included in your own articulate way that kids fucking is the same as kids playing with each others' genitals ("private parts").

I said OR. Kids fucking OR playing with each other's genitals. And/or actually. I didn't say they were one in the same or trying to equate that. Neither one of them is something that they should be doing. I played doctor when I was a kid too, but no one played with my pussy when I was 8. Kids can be curious about sex, I was curious about it since I was watching porn at 7, but it still isn't appropriate for them. I should not have been exposed to porn at that age. You made it sound like it should be okay. Your statement just didn't come off right to me......I'll accept the fact that I misunderstood, but you also didn't word it properly either.

Kids are notorious for exploring and "Playing Doctor" which is what my female cousin and I were doing (fucking not even in our imaginations at that age). No harm came to us from that, but no telling what would have been the outcome had our parents caught us and beat our asses with lots of screaming recriminations.

"Apparently your perveted brain doesn't."

Now that is just getting personally nasty. I can blow it off because I often refer to myself as a "perv" because I have gone outside of the narrow restraints that our mainstream culture has traditionally relegated to "crimes against nature." Y'know, like fellatio, cunnilingus, analingus were all perversions into the 20th Century. Actually, the US Supreme Court finally ended it in 2003, with the two guys brot up on "Sodomy" charges in Texas. Still, I think when others scream about my "perverted brain" it is a personal attack. [/quote]

I call it how I see it. But that is the persona that you put forth on here. If I offended you, then I'm sorry.

Nystyle709 wrote:

That's besides the point. Blowing off the fact that something perverted has been done to them isn't something to aim for or hope for. That's essentially what you're saying.

No, I did not say that.

Nystyle709 wrote:

"I used to play with my cousin's pussy and she really liked it". "My cousin had coarse hairs around her pussy". "When I wanted to stop, she didn't". "We were only 9 and 11 'playing doctor". .

You put things into quotation marks as if you are quoting me. In journalism that is a no-no. You are taking things out of context and presenting them to make it look different that the nuance of my presentation.

What I actually said was:

1. "I used to play with my 11-year-old cousin's pussy and she really liked it.

2. "(I was 9 at the time, playing doctor. And I would tire of my probing and want to quit and she would insist that I examine her further.)

3. "Kids can be sexually curious before puberty (Actually, I remember little short coarse hairs around cuz' pussy - just starting puberty)."

1. My initial shocking statement was the lead.

2. My initial shcoking statement becomes less shocking when I reveal that we were kids playing. The fact that my cousin initiated the play may sound lurid the way you presented it, but fact is I got tired of this new thing and was going to move on to something else but my older cousin apparently enjoyed the feel of my fingers in her privates.

3. And, since I was way pre-pubescent, I did take note of the strange hairs growing in my cousin's crotch. Also her budding pubescence may have made her more sexually inquisitive than my younger curiosity.

When quoting someone you ARE NOT ALLOWED TO CHANGE THEIR WORDS. Otherwise it is not a quote, it is your paraphrase, which will be from your slant.

Nystyle709 wrote:

Then in the next breath, you're going to state that adults if wouldn't react to children doing this type of behavior, they would blow off perverted things being done them as if it should be a normal part of growing up. Try to read your statement from the outside looking in and tell me if that shit doesn't come off as being ridiculous. If that's not what you meant, then my bad....but I'm only going by what I read. That's what I called you out on.

Well, I haven't heard anyone else who read that from the outside take me to task for what they thot I wrote.

Nystyle709 wrote:

I said OR. Kids fucking OR playing with each other's genitals. And/oractually. ... Your statement just didn't come off right to me......I'll accept the fact that I misunderstood, but you also didn't word it properly either.

I tell it like it is.

Nystyle709 wrote:

[color=black]But that is the persona that you put forth on here. If I offended you, then I'm sorry.[/size]

I don't know what persona has prejudiced you so against me. Granted, by my experience I am an iconoclast against the contrived propriety that so many in the mainstream culture profess, but I am not completely given to hedonism, nor do I exploit others sexually or otherwise. I have some decent core values - just don't subscribe to the sex negativity that so many traditionalist do.