SIDS & Parents

There are all sorts of things that reduce the risk of SIDS, but we are still not sure what causes it.

Things that we are told to do to help reduce the risk:
refrain from smoking during pregnancy
don't expose your baby to second hand smoke
put your baby on his/her back to sleep
use a pacifier
breastfeed
use a fan while baby is sleeping
co-sleep (reduces risk of SIDS, while increasing risk of suffocation from overlaying, especially if not done safely)


I was SO scared when I was pregnant with the twins that I would lose them to SIDS, they had what felt like so many risk factors :They were premature, male, born in winter, identical twins...So I was really careful to do every little thing I could to try to prevent SIDS, including using special little monitors that clipped to their diapers and would vibrate to "buzz" them if they didn't move for 20 seconds and would sound an alarm...Quite a few times Desi's, who was born breech and has always had lung problems because of it, went off and I nearly had a heart attack. Anyway, my question is this:

If a parent knows all of these recommendations for preventing SIDS, and they don't do them and then their child subsequently dies, should they be held accountable in any way, or is the loss of their child "punishment" enough?

Alternatively, we co-sleep and always have. We follow all the safety rules for it, but if we hadn't, and one of our children died from overlaying, should we be held accountable by the law or should it be considered a tragic accident?

I can't imagine the horror of going in to get your baby one morning and finding them dead in their crib.

You can take certain precautions but SIDS isn't 100% preventable. The parents shouldn't bear the guilt or blame. Many of them will do that to themselves for a while anyway. It happens. It's tragic. But held accountable for it? No way.

ITA, CeCe. Co-relation does not = causation. If it were my child, I would never forgive myself anyway.

In most cases where overlaying while co-sleeping led to infant death, other factors are involved....like being under the influence. Co-sleeping is not inherently more dangerous than crib sleeping. If a parent got wasted and took a baby to bed with them, then I don't think that's much different than getting wasted and taking the baby for a ride in the car. So yeah, I think maybe the law could get involved in that. There are accidents, and then there is negligent behavior.

2xy wrote:In most cases where overlaying while co-sleeping led to infant death, other factors are involved....like being under the influence. Co-sleeping is not inherently more dangerous than crib sleeping. If a parent got wasted and took a baby to bed with them, then I don't think that's much different than getting wasted and taking the baby for a ride in the car. So yeah, I think maybe the law could get involved in that. There are accidents, and then there is negligent behavior.

That reminded me of a case here a couple years ago. A family had a fire pit in their back yard, something they did all the time, and were drinking. One of the men fell asleep out by the fire, while rocking his 7 month old son or daughter. He woke up hours later to find the baby burned and dead in the fire He had been drinking but only a couple beers supposedly, at his trial his family all testified that he hadn't been drunk.

He ended up taking a deal I think, but was clearly tortured about the whole thing already. My heart went out to that family and that baby, it just seemed like there was no "right" answer. If he went to jail the large family lost it's breadwinner, other kids lost their dad...He clearly was remorseful but at the same time negligent.

I understand where you're coming from. But I think society is too lenient on what people can get away with in regards to their own children. No matter how "family oriented" Westerners want to appear, children are treated as second-class citizens in so many ways. I guess in cases like the one you describe, it's a no-win situation.

2xy wrote:I understand where you're coming from. But I think society is too lenient on what people can get away with in regards to their own children. No matter how "family oriented" Westerners want to appear, children are treated as second-class citizens in so many ways.

This is true, seems quite a bit you hear about people that kill their own children, their own babies, and they don't get much of a sentence if any. What the hell? Does the child have to be of a certain age before their murder can be looked at as terrible as when adults get killed? Do they have to be nearing adolescence for them to count as human beings in their murders?

I remember being paranoid after my daughter was born about how she slept. When she was three months old, while I was home from college for the weekend, she rolled over for the first time while she slept and I freaked out. I was so nervous about it that I woke her up because I didn't want her to do it again.

I don't think parents can really be responsible for SIDS. It's called sudden for a reason.

2xy wrote:I understand where you're coming from. But I think society is too lenient on what people can get away with in regards to their own children. No matter how "family oriented" Westerners want to appear, children are treated as second-class citizens in so many ways. I guess in cases like the one you describe, it's a no-win situation.

I agree...But then I'm someone who wants spanking to be banned, so you're preaching to the choir. Then on the other hand you have children taken away from their parents because they had a home birth.