Teens and sex

If you suspected that your, say fifteen or sixteen year old, teenage child was either sexually active, or on the verge of being; would you insist that they remain (or return to being) abstinent, or would you give them advice on how handle the situation maturely? If your answer is the former, how would you react to their not following that instruction?

1. I'd insist that they remain abstinent.

2. The second one needs to remain a secret.

If I had a teenager (particularly a son) going through this, this is, in effect, what I would say:

Be sure: Do not become sexually active as a result of peer pressure, because 'everyone's doing it'. Your decisions affect you, not them, you have to live with the consequences, so be sure that you are really ready and not acting out of pressure from external forces.

Be safe: Use a condom EVERY SINGLE TIME. You are not ready to be a father, I'm not ready to be a grandmother, nor do you want to contract an STI. Protect yourself and your partner each and every time.

Be honest: If sex is all you want from a girl, do not make her believe you have feelings for her when you do not; this is a cruel thing to do. Both of you must be clear on the terms of the arrangement and if you do start developing feelings for her, let her know and give her the chance to break it off, seeing as the arrangements may no longer be valid for her.

Be discreet: There is no need to tell your boys who you banged, where, how hard or how many times. Not only is it disrespectful to your partner, it makes you come off as an untrustworthy fool.

Be willing to take responsibility: No precaution is 100% effective against pregnancy. If the female you are having relations with becomes pregnant, be ready to step forward and claim responsibility. Sex is always a risk, when you accept that risk, you accept whatever consequences arise. If you are not ready to accept the possible consequences, then go play Xbox instead.

I have taught my girl to at least wait till you are out of high school. There is so much pressure with just simply growing up to be wrapped up in dealing with a sex life. I personally don't think a teenager can seriously know the difference between being in love and being in lust. I made the mistake of having sex in high school and was a statistic of a teen mom. My life has been really difficult having to raise a son, go to school, not really having a social life and trying to make a good life for a child when you yourself is still a child. I was no mentally or emotionally ready to have a child but I thought I was ready for sex. Condoms are not 100% protective. Unless you are completely and absolutely ready to be a parent when you are a teen, then it is simple, WAIT! I guarantee it, you will not shivle and and die. It won't fall off! It will all still work the same even though you wait. JMO. However, if the teen insists on having sex, then by all means, use protection and say a quick prayer everytime, lol

I would recommend abstinence but then I would also say all that Nhaiyel said.

I know I personally didn't feel like it was realistic to not have sex when I was a teen and I don't want my kids to make foolish mistakes due to lack of education because I didn't do my job as a parent if they don't feel it's realistic either.

Nhaiyel wrote:If I had a teenager (particularly a son) going through this, this is, in effect, what I would say:

Be sure: Do not become sexually active as a result of peer pressure, because 'everyone's doing it'. Your decisions affect you, not them, you have to live with the consequences, so be sure that you are really ready and not acting out of pressure from external forces.

Be safe: Use a condom EVERY SINGLE TIME. You are not ready to be a father, I'm not ready to be a grandmother, nor do you want to contract an STI. Protect yourself and your partner each and every time.

Be honest: If sex is all you want from a girl, do not make her believe you have feelings for her when you do not; this is a cruel thing to do. Both of you must be clear on the terms of the arrangement and if you do start developing feelings for her, let her know and give her the chance to break it off, seeing as the arrangements may no longer be valid for her.

Be discreet: There is no need to tell your boys who you banged, where, how hard or how many times. Not only is it disrespectful to your partner, it makes you come off as an untrustworthy fool.

Be willing to take responsibility: No precaution is 100% effective against pregnancy. If the female you are having relations with becomes pregnant, be ready to step forward and claim responsibility. Sex is always a risk, when you accept that risk, you accept whatever consequences arise. If you are not ready to accept the possible consequences, then go play Xbox instead.

For the most part.

Chris wrote:If you suspected that your, say fifteen or sixteen year old, teenage child was either sexually active, or on the verge of being; would you insist that they remain (or return to being) abstinent, or would you give them advice on how handle the situation maturely? If your answer is the former, how would you react to their not following that instruction?

I would reinforce the idea of abstinence as a viable option, but I wouldn't be naive enough to assume that I could demand it and they'd comply. So after reminding them of the value in abstaining, I would tell my daughter the following:

1) Do it with someone you love. The emotional connection makes the physical a hundred times better.

2) Don't worry about who is doing it, and when. Do it only when YOU personally feel ready, and not because you're worried about being left out.

3) There is only one first time. Make it special because you will remember it forever.

4) Don't ever do anything with a high school boy that you don't want all your peers to know about. Boys are terrible gossips, worse even than girls.

5) In most women, we are wired to become emotionally involved if we have sex. Don't have sex without knowing what the parameters are and making sure that the guy has put in some emotional work to show you where you stand with him.

6) Don't rush it. There are a lot of risks and dangers associated with it, and there is a lot of territory to cover before you get to sex. Don't rush through it. Take some time and see the sights.

7) Be careful about using alcohol. You come from a long line of women who get horny when they drink.

Chris wrote:If you suspected that your, say fifteen or sixteen year old, teenage child was either sexually active, or on the verge of being; would you insist that they remain (or return to being) abstinent, or would you give them advice on how handle the situation maturely? If your answer is the former, how would you react to their not following that instruction?

What you "insist" when it comes to teenagers and sex is completely irrelevant most of the time. Unless they are raised with some type of "religious" values and are threatened with hell from the cradle, sex is not something you can realistically "stop". They're gonna do what they want to do regardless of how you "feel" about it because biologically it is in a teenagers nature to seek out sex! IF a teenager decides to have sex or NOT to have sex, it's usually because it was THEIR own decision, not the parents.

In addition, I don't believe there is any logic to an insistence of abstinance when it comes to sex as long as it is safe sex. I'm not going to insist that my teenager NOT drive a car. I'll simply insist that IF they choose to drive a car, they have a license first, wear a seatbelt and don't drink. Same principle with sex. There is nothing wrong with sex in and of itself so where is the logic of telling them not to do it at all?

Chris wrote:If you suspected that your, say fifteen or sixteen year old, teenage child was either sexually active, or on the verge of being; would you insist that they remain (or return to being) abstinent, or would you give them advice on how handle the situation maturely? If your answer is the former, how would you react to their not following that instruction?

That one.

Nhaiyel wrote:If I had a teenager (particularly a son) going through this, this is, in effect, what I would say:

Be sure: Do not become sexually active as a result of peer pressure, because 'everyone's doing it'. Your decisions affect you, not them, you have to live with the consequences, so be sure that you are really ready and not acting out of pressure from external forces.

Be safe: Use a condom EVERY SINGLE TIME. You are not ready to be a father, I'm not ready to be a grandmother, nor do you want to contract an STI. Protect yourself and your partner each and every time.

Be honest: If sex is all you want from a girl, do not make her believe you have feelings for her when you do not; this is a cruel thing to do. Both of you must be clear on the terms of the arrangement and if you do start developing feelings for her, let her know and give her the chance to break it off, seeing as the arrangements may no longer be valid for her.

Be discreet: There is no need to tell your boys who you banged, where, how hard or how many times. Not only is it disrespectful to your partner, it makes you come off as an untrustworthy fool.

Be willing to take responsibility: No precaution is 100% effective against pregnancy. If the female you are having relations with becomes pregnant, be ready to step forward and claim responsibility. Sex is always a risk, when you accept that risk, you accept whatever consequences arise. If you are not ready to accept the possible consequences, then go play Xbox instead.

Couldn't have been said any better.