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Last edited by Forgiveness Man on Fri Jun 22, 2012 11:10 am; edited 1 time in total
3 posters
Hands Stained With Tears
Forgiveness Man- …is a Chamber Royal.
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Last edited by Forgiveness Man on Fri Jun 22, 2012 11:10 am; edited 1 time in total
TPP- …is a Power Member.
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I think it's good. But did you mean to say "I tried to call for help but he kept my mouth shut"?
If not, then whey did he keep his mouth shut when he was trying to call for help? Because he was scared?
If not, then whey did he keep his mouth shut when he was trying to call for help? Because he was scared?
Forgiveness Man- …is a Chamber Royal.
Join date : 2010-06-25
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thepossiblepolice wrote:I think it's good. But did you mean to say "I tried to call for help but he kept my mouth shut"?
If not, then whey did he keep his mouth shut when he was trying to call for help? Because he was scared?
Yes I believe I did mean that. Probably fixed it since I did some light editing on this since then and I remember catching a few typos. Class has it now and we'll workshop it next time.
Any more detailed comments? Thanks for reading though. Thought this was just gonna fade away.
(Oh!) Rob Petrie- …is a Power Member.
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Okay, overall I think this is a good piece. I liked the twist-- took it above just another bullying story. The only thing that gets me is that he's able to recall the abuse done to him but not the retaliation. I think if he were consistently confused (or confusing), it would make his character a bit stronger.
And again, I think you could benefit from quit grammar reviews, but I liked this piece better than the last one I read. I'd be happy to print this out and go through it for mechanics if you'd like.
:-)
And again, I think you could benefit from quit grammar reviews, but I liked this piece better than the last one I read. I'd be happy to print this out and go through it for mechanics if you'd like.
:-)
Forgiveness Man- …is a Chamber Royal.
Join date : 2010-06-25
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Sure thing. Burbled nevsebd you the edited version though. It's got some subtle changes that make a little difference. And also a lot of grammar is fixed. Lol so yeah, if you want to run through for mistakes, I'll send an edited version. I can compare your suggestions with the ones from the class.
(Oh!) Rob Petrie- …is a Power Member.
Join date : 2011-01-30
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Sure, send it along.
Forgiveness Man- …is a Chamber Royal.
Join date : 2010-06-25
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What did autocorrect do to my last post? 
(Oh!) Rob Petrie- …is a Power Member.
Join date : 2011-01-30
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Sent back a full edit.
Forgiveness Man- …is a Chamber Royal.
Join date : 2010-06-25
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Awesome! I'll keep it on file for when I get my other stuff back this week and see what everyone says.
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