Removed by author for a specific reason.

I think it's good. But did you mean to say "I tried to call for help but he kept my mouth shut"?

If not, then whey did he keep his mouth shut when he was trying to call for help? Because he was scared?

thepossiblepolice wrote:

I think it's good. But did you mean to say "I tried to call for help but he kept my mouth shut"?

If not, then whey did he keep his mouth shut when he was trying to call for help? Because he was scared?

Yes I believe I did mean that. Probably fixed it since I did some light editing on this since then and I remember catching a few typos. Class has it now and we'll workshop it next time.

Any more detailed comments? Thanks for reading though. Thought this was just gonna fade away.

Okay, overall I think this is a good piece. I liked the twist-- took it above just another bullying story. The only thing that gets me is that he's able to recall the abuse done to him but not the retaliation. I think if he were consistently confused (or confusing), it would make his character a bit stronger.

And again, I think you could benefit from quit grammar reviews, but I liked this piece better than the last one I read. I'd be happy to print this out and go through it for mechanics if you'd like.

:-)

Sure thing. Burbled nevsebd you the edited version though. It's got some subtle changes that make a little difference. And also a lot of grammar is fixed. Lol so yeah, if you want to run through for mistakes, I'll send an edited version. I can compare your suggestions with the ones from the class.

Sure, send it along.

What did autocorrect do to my last post?

Sent back a full edit.

Awesome! I'll keep it on file for when I get my other stuff back this week and see what everyone says.