Would you ever do this?

I worked with a girl years ago, and got back into contact with her via Facebook a long time back. She no longer lives in this area but still visits a few times per year to see her parents who live here still, but have moved to a retirement home.

She shared with me how hard it is to see everyone when she comes home to visit. I totally relate to that because I have that happen every time I go back to my home town and it becomes more of a marathon of timed visits than it is a vacation.

So, while I totally relate, her plan for her upcoming visit is something I can't wrap my mind around. She sent out invites via Facebook for a lunch at a restaurant to see her between two and a half hours. On the invite it does state, "Pay for your own lunch."

I get it, as far as it being ideal for scheduling people, but it just seems tacky to me. What do you guys think?

Hmm....I don't really see why she should have to buy everyone lunch. She wants to see you. Isn't that enough?

I would have probably written the invitation along the lines of "If anyone wants to join me for lunch, I'll be at Such-and-Such from noon to 2pm. Hope to see you there." I would never assume someone would be paying for me. I think THAT'S tacky.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a free lunch! In fact, I will be in my own home town this weekend when this event goes on. But if I was in town, and went, I would insist on paying even if she insisted on paying for me. But that's just me.

What I think is tacky is hosting it at a place where people will need to either purchase lunch to see her, or sit with just a beverage for the length of time.

To me, this whole concept would be better played if it was at a coffee house or something, where people expect that they can comfortably purchase just a beverage while they visit, or a lunch if they desire.

Plus the more I think abou this, the more I am actually turned off by the whole thing. There can't be THAT many people wanting to see her that she couldn't send individual notes to people on Facebook and not make it an "event". I am not close to this person, as she is just an ex co-worker. So truthfully, I don't care either way. I just wanted to see what others thought because I think it is tacky, but could be wrong. And it is interesting to me as I face the same problem when I visit home, as I said. I have invited people to meet up at the home town bar (not via FB, but phone calls) if they would like to meet up, but at a bar, like a coffee house is the same in that people go up to a counter and pay for themselves. It is not as formal as a luncheon.

I'm unclear about something Red. Was the invitation to you alone or does it include a number of other people? Either way - tacky? Eh, I'm not so sure. Perhaps she could have worded it a little different but my impression is she didn't want anyone assuming lunch was on her despite the "invite".

^^OK, you slipped this in ahead of me. I dunno. If you don't plan on being there any way, I wouldn't worry about it.

Alan, I am not worried about it, I just thought it was interesting because I do face the same issue when I visit home, but doing something like this would never occur to me.

And, no the invite was not only to me, but to her FB friends' list, and how many are locals here, I don't know.

Come to think about, I have been involved in a similar situation. In the past few years, I've reconnected with some people from H.S. A few years ago, someone came back east from St. Louis and he let every one know what his availability was during his visit. I don't remember if it was him or someone else who suggested meeting up at a local dinner but that's where it was, everyone paid their own way and had a great time. I don't think anyone ever thought he was offering to pay.

I guess it would depend upon how many people she is trying to get together with....??? I live in a town with lots of coffee houses, and I can't imagine that any of them would be prepared for, say, twenty people to show up and hang out for a couple of hours. A bar, maybe. Not everybody drinks booze or wants to frequent bars, though. I don't necessarily think of meeting up for lunch as something "formal."

The thing is, she does get back a few times a year. It is not as if this is an annual visit. So, maybe if it was a one time a year thing, it would be better justified by me.

Oh, well, points taken. Some would/could do it. I couldn't.

It does sound tacky, but when it comes to get together's with a lot of people, there is always a goldbrick in the group; maybe this was just her way to making it clear that you don't eat if you don't pay.

It never happened to me but it sounds a bit tacky to me as well. I would not expect her to pay everyone's lunch bill but could she not have done it a bit more subtly like invite a few people that all know each other instead of inviting her facebook list?

Yes it was tacky, but to the point. There was no misunderstanding about accommodation. "We're not feeding you."

RedBedroom wrote:I worked with a girl years ago, and got back into contact with her via Facebook a long time back. She no longer lives in this area but still visits a few times per year to see her parents who live here still, but have moved to a retirement home.

She shared with me how hard it is to see everyone when she comes home to visit. I totally relate to that because I have that happen every time I go back to my home town and it becomes more of a marathon of timed visits than it is a vacation.

So, while I totally relate, her plan for her upcoming visit is something I can't wrap my mind around. She sent out invites via Facebook for a lunch at a restaurant to see her between two and a half hours. On the invite it does state, "Pay for your own lunch."

I get it, as far as it being ideal for scheduling people, but it just seems tacky to me. What do you guys think?

I would, just so there's no confusion that lunch won't be complimentary.