The argument of whether or not to spank is one that is typically divided. But should parents avoid punishing their kids, period? As in no time-outs, no 'go to your room,' no going to bed without dessert? In a blog post for the "Today" show's website, Jillian Lauren writes that she and her husband never punish their 3-year-old son – ever.

http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/04/22/6501676-why-we-dont-punish-our-son-ever

Instead, when he misbehaves, she shifts her focus "from his behavior to the needs behind it."

"I attempt to meet those needs with love and empathy. I also attempt to help him identify his feelings by putting words to them," she writes.

Lauren says the point is to "increase his emotional intelligence" and "give him tools to deal with the fact that it is incredibly frustrating to not get what you want in life." She also says their strategy creates "good behavior in the long term."

"Punishment might get results in the short term, but it ultimately undermines your relationship with your child and hurts their self-esteem, which will only fuel the fires of misbehavior. I believe that treating my son with respect and empathy will in turn teach him to be empathetic and respectful, which are traits that I value far above mere obedience," she explains.

Do you think this woman is onto something here? Or is she totally nuts?

Psychobabble bullshit.

I do agree with 'discussion' or 'talking about the mistake' first, before physical punishment. The children have to know that they make mistake. Hitting or grounding them doesn't solve the problems sometimes, when they don't know what is wrong or what they did was wrong.

But not to punish children - even when they repeated the mistake - is not an education. It's spoiling and creating a non-willing-to-take-responsible person.

Quote :

"Punishment might get results in the short term, but it ultimately undermines your relationship with your child and hurts their self-esteem, which will only fuel the fires of misbehavior.

Not to open the old can of worms but most adults who were spanked as kids will boldly disagree with that statement. Parents (most anyway) don't punish their kids when they do something wrong unless they care about them. It's the parents who DON'T care that decide not to ever punish them.

Now she may think this is working on their son now, he's 3 years old, what's it going to be like when he's a teenager and he thinks he can do whatever he wants because sabes que, he's never been punished for anything before, why would he be now if he royally screws up?

Some of these little rays of sunshine are in for a rude awakening when they get out into the real world.

CeCe wrote:

Some of these little rays of sunshine are in for a rude awakening when they get out into the real world.

Indeeeeeeeeeed, when they get out and think they can do anything they want, the law is going to say differently and the law is not going to care about hurting their poor wittle pwecious feewings, the law is most likely going to go upside their head with a baton. So as a parent you can either decide to do the RIGHT thing and not the easy thing and punish the kid when he needs it or when he grows up get prepared to only see him on visitors days.

To me on issues like this there is not cookie cutter solution. Talking may work with some kids and others may need more forceful methods.

Now, since the point is punishment I will say that as parents we need to have an tool kit and decide how to punish based on the seriousness of the wrong doing.

To me punishment is result of an action, to show consequences. In other words I did teach discipline as I punished my children. You shortchange your kids by not showing them that actions do bring consequences, good and bad.

You have a great day.
Friendly Veteran

Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ. I'd like to be there when her kid decides to feel good about himself by finger painting on the walls. With his shit. Or tries to play a peanut butter sandwich in the DVD player. Or tries to take the dog's (rectal) temperature with a pencil. That's right lady, just talk it out with him. Glad it works for you.

alan smithee wrote:

Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ. I'd like to be there when her kid decides to feel good about himself by finger painting on the walls. With his shit. Or tries to play a peanut butter sandwich in the DVD player. Or tries to take the dog's (rectal) temperature with a pencil. That's right lady, just talk it out with him. Glad it works for you.

RedBedroom wrote:

alan smithee wrote:

Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ. I'd like to be there when her kid decides to feel good about himself by finger painting on the walls. With his shit. Or tries to play a peanut butter sandwich in the DVD player. Or tries to take the dog's (rectal) temperature with a pencil. That's right lady, just talk it out with him. Glad it works for you.

Indeeeeeeeed, not exactly how I'd put it but he does have a point.

I'd like to thank this women for insuring that jobs like mine will ALWAYS exist. The school system will be dealing with her spoiled little brat in a few years. This child will likely have a severe behavioural designation because he's used to getting his way and thinks that there are no consequences to his actions. So yeah, lady, thanks for keeping me employed... or rather, my co-workers employed. I'm looking at jumping ship - tired of dealing with brats like hers who think there are no consequences and that the world revolves around them.

I hate hippy "earth mothers" types like this that don't wanna discipline or punish their kids, thinking punishments halts "creativity" or whatever. When her child grows into a holly terror she's gonna be stuck dealing with it!

I worked at a school with a LOT of parents like this and it was one of the worst schools I've ever been at. Children had no respect for anyone and the majority were over entitled brats who'd argue back and treat you like dirt. Another school I went to was also full of kids who were raised with no rules, no guidelines and no discipline. That was also an extremely racist school, with the vast majority of the kids being Aboriginal and thinking the world owed them and being taught it was right to be disrespectful to anyone who wasn't aboriginal.

TSJFan4Ever wrote:

I worked at a school with a LOT of parents like this and it was one of the worst schools I've ever been at. Children had no respect for anyone and the majority were over entitled brats who'd argue back and treat you like dirt. Another school I went to was also full of kids who were raised with no rules, no guidelines and no discipline. That was also an extremely racist school, with the vast majority of the kids being Aboriginal and thinking the world owed them and being taught it was right to be disrespectful to anyone who wasn't aboriginal.

Indeeeeeeeeed, our neighbor was one of those 'my child is going to be a free spirit and nobody's going to tell him no', never punished, always let to do whatever he wanted, oh sure the mother would tell him 'don't do that' sometimes...holy terror through and through, by the time he was 7 years old you could be yelling right in his ear at the top of your lungs and he still wouldn't acknowledge anybody was talking to him.

That woman is a kook. How else are kids going to learn about repercussions of their acts without punishment?

I know punishment has to be administered in the proper way, but never punishing the kid EVER is just setting the kid up for failure. There has to be middle ground between beating the kid senseless and basically letting him do whatever he wants.

[quote="Supernova"]

TSJFan4Ever wrote:

Indeeeeeeeeed, our neighbor was one of those 'my child is going to be a free spirit and nobody's going to tell him no', never punished, always let to do whatever he wanted, oh sure the mother would tell him 'don't do that' sometimes...holy terror through and through, by the time he was 7 years old you could be yelling right in his ear at the top of your lungs and he still wouldn't acknowledge anybody was talking to him.

Sounds like this monster would have fit right in at both of these schools. I've worked with kids like that and all I can do is sit back and think about how wonderful it will be when they try that on the cops.