Am I being silly or Petty?

Here is the situation. I have a cousin that I have not seen for over 2 years. When I was laid up in bed last summer with my broken ankle I never received so much as an e-mail asking how I was doing. Now I get an invitation to his daughter's communion party which is going to be held in a catering hall. I RSVP that I was not attending. I felt a little angry that after all this time and not even acknowledging me when I was down and out now I am a cousin and you want a gift from me? Am I wrong to feel this way? I fully intend to send a SMALL gift with my sister just because I got the invitation but I am a no show for sure.

Absolutely not. It would have only taken a few minutes for him to email or even call you. I've known people who only show up when they want something. Can't stand that. Interesting he figured out how to contact you now. If you don't want to go I don't blame you. He should be glad you're sending a gift at all.

CeCe wrote:Absolutely not. It would have only taken a few minutes for him to email or even call you. I've known people who only show up when they want something. Can't stand that. Interesting he figured out how to contact you now. If you don't want to go I don't blame you. He should be glad you're sending a gift at all.

Thanks CeCe I knew that I should not feel badly about this.

Tony Marino wrote:

CeCe wrote:Absolutely not. It would have only taken a few minutes for him to email or even call you. I've known people who only show up when they want something. Can't stand that. Interesting he figured out how to contact you now. If you don't want to go I don't blame you. He should be glad you're sending a gift at all.

Thanks CeCe I knew that I should not feel badly about this.

Tony, it sounds like you come from a fairly large family. If so, do you know if "everyone" else has been invited? You know the situation better than I do but how would you have felt if you weren't invited? Not saying it doesn't suck that he didn't keep in touch with you when you were laid up.

Nope, you're not wrong. And if I were you, I wouldn't even send a small gift.

This takes me back, not in the way of family but something similar. A couple years back there was this woman whose husband died and we were helping her out with things when she 'broke' her ankle one summer. And the day before Mother's Day, I'm mowing my grandmother's lawn and suddenly fall down the water meter, have to pull myself out, my leg is bashed up so badly that it has bruises for a full year...a few days later I go over to see what the woman wants, she heard that I was hurt, she saw how bad my leg was, but all she could talk about was a movie she wanted to send home for me to watch. I was so glad when we cut ties with that woman, she didn't care about anybody but herself, and your cousin sounds the same way.

I don't blame you for feeling jilted.

I wouldn't consider it petty at all for you to be ambivalent about joining the gift giving celebration of someone who hasn't bothered to acknowledge you in years. That you're even bothering to send a gift (and yes, one has to wonder if they would have bothered to include you if this didn't involve that) at all is decent, considering. Don't even think twice about it. Just send your regards. If it were me, if I went there would be a tinge of resentment in the air on my part that may put a damper on things, and it isn't worth it.

I think you are being very generous to send the gift! But it is for the child, not the parent, so you are a sweetheart for doing that.

RedBedroom wrote:I think you are being very generous to send the gift! But it is for the child, not the parent, so you are a sweetheart for doing that.

Sending a gift for the new baby is like Red said generous and unselfish but you ain't being petty to not wanna go there and hang out with people who haven't bothered to talk to you in years. I wouldnt either. My cousin got married last year and I didnt go to the wedding because I was never that close to her and because I knew the only reason she invited me was to get another present. Funny how people who dont talk to you in forever suddenly remember EVERYBODY's name when they throw parties where its expected for everyone to show up carrying a gift!

It's a little petty because you're taking it out on his daughter.

Rockbird wrote:It's a little petty because you're taking it out on his daughter.

No he isn't, he's sending a gift. He's just not going to celebrate (hang out with the adults who don't give a crap about him).

Were you and your cousin close? I mean, I don't call my family if they get sick or hurt themselves or something. Not unless they're dying. I don't really see what the big deal is.

Thanks for all the responses. My cousin and I were very close at one time then all of a sudden, I just didn't hear from him anymore. I am not taking it out on the kid since I am sending a gift in my place. The whole family is invited and I am not the only one that is not attending. Point is that I am tired of going to affairs of people that I am not involved with and the only time they contact you is when they want a gift for some event in their life. I have done this so often but this time I just said enough is enough.

Well, it doesn't sound like there is any animosity on your cousin's part. It sounds to me like you're the one who's mad. You don't have to like anybody in your family or anything like that, but the telephone goes both ways. If you want a relationship with your cousin again, give him a call. If you don't, just leave it at that. But to be mad over the reason you previously listed seems a bit silly.

Rockbird wrote:Well, it doesn't sound like there is any animosity on your cousin's part. It sounds to me like you're the one who's mad. You don't have to like anybody in your family or anything like that, but the telephone goes both ways. If you want a relationship with your cousin again, give him a call. If you don't, just leave it at that. But to be mad over the reason you previously listed seems a bit silly.

Yah it is silly and I was the last to contact him. I don't care at all if you don't want to be bothered with me but then don't invite me to one of your gift giving parties and expect me to attend. As far as a relationship, we will see each other again and it will be hello, how are you, nice to see you, bye. You would have to be in my family to understand fully why I feel the way I do. I have told family members as well and they were totally surprised by the lack of contact and harbor no harsh feelings towards me for what I am doing.

Tony Marino wrote:Here is the situation. I have a cousin that I have not seen for over 2 years. When I was laid up in bed last summer with my broken ankle I never received so much as an e-mail asking how I was doing. Now I get an invitation to his daughter's communion party which is going to be held in a catering hall. I RSVP that I was not attending. I felt a little angry that after all this time and not even acknowledging me when I was down and out now I am a cousin and you want a gift from me? Am I wrong to feel this way? I fully intend to send a SMALL gift with my sister just because I got the invitation but I am a no show for sure.

From what you described, your cousin sounds fake and insincere. It's not even about how you were injured last year and he didn't so much as send you a get well email, this relative hasn't even bothered to call (and he didn't call to personally invite you to this get together either) and say hell in over 2 years. Now.....while including as many names on the invite list as he can remember....he suddenly wants to remember that you're family so that he can stack his baby gifts. GTFOH with that fake ass shit. What I look like? If it were me, I'd consider not even sending a gift. Hell, there's nothing you can give that her parents couldn't or shouldn't be providing themselves....but I'm glad you're being big enough to send something....but nah, you don't need to be there. Just send the gift with a card, stay home and watch Vampire Diaries.

Then I'd just leave it at that. Just a friendship that kind of fizzled out.

Marc wrote:

Tony Marino wrote:Here is the situation. I have a cousin that I have not seen for over 2 years. When I was laid up in bed last summer with my broken ankle I never received so much as an e-mail asking how I was doing. Now I get an invitation to his daughter's communion party which is going to be held in a catering hall. I RSVP that I was not attending. I felt a little angry that after all this time and not even acknowledging me when I was down and out now I am a cousin and you want a gift from me? Am I wrong to feel this way? I fully intend to send a SMALL gift with my sister just because I got the invitation but I am a no show for sure.

From what you described, your cousin sounds fake and insincere. It's not even about how you were injured last year and didn't so much as get an email, this relative hasn't even bothered to call and say hello (and he didn't call to personally invite you to this get together either). Now.....while including as many names on the invite list as he can remember....he suddenly wants to remember that you're family so that he can stack his baby gifts. GTFOH with that fake ass shit. What I look like? If it were me, I'd consider not even sending a gift. Hell, there's nothing you can give that her parents couldn't or shouldn't be providing themselves....but I'm glad you're being big enough to send something....but nah, you don't need to be there. Just send the gift with a card, stay home and watch Vampire Diaries.

That is exactly what I am going to do!!!

Tony Marino wrote:

Yah it is silly and I was the last to contact him. I don't care at all if you don't want to be bothered with me but then don't invite me to one of your gift giving parties and expect me to attend. As far as a relationship, we will see each other again and it will be hello, how are you, nice to see you, bye. You would have to be in my family to understand fully why I feel the way I do. I have told family members as well and they were totally surprised by the lack of contact and harbor no harsh feelings towards me for what I am doing.

I still think you're doing the right thing. Being related doesn't mean obligated. Hell it's pretty damn bad when people on the internet are more concerned about you than "family". Fine if he felt he didn't need to even say "hope you feel better soon." but don't come sniffing around with a hand out for gifts. I think you're being kind to send one at all.

CeCe wrote:

Tony Marino wrote:

Yah it is silly and I was the last to contact him. I don't care at all if you don't want to be bothered with me but then don't invite me to one of your gift giving parties and expect me to attend. As far as a relationship, we will see each other again and it will be hello, how are you, nice to see you, bye. You would have to be in my family to understand fully why I feel the way I do. I have told family members as well and they were totally surprised by the lack of contact and harbor no harsh feelings towards me for what I am doing.

I still think you're doing the right thing. Being related doesn't mean obligated. Hell it's pretty damn bad when people on the internet are more concerned about you than "family". Fine if he felt he didn't need to even say "hope you feel better soon." but don't come sniffing around with a hand out for gifts. I think you're being kind to send one at all.

CeCe that is exactly the way I feel and I do not feel any guilt over it at all. Yes I am being nice sending a gift but that is for the child.