Do you have any internal issue that's been an ongoing struggle for you?

There are some areas where I need to convince myself that I deserve better. I settle sometimes when I shouldn't. Not as bad as it was at one time, so getting there. lol

Continuous identity crisis between between an American and being a German. And then you throw in my African heritage, and it just gets all confusing.

Internal issue? I'm a big time procrastinator. That would be one.

As cliche or trite as it may sound, I struggle with self-acceptance. I can't ever say to myself "This is me, and that's okay." Oy vey.

To not let my temper get the better of me.

Yeah, I do. It is my love hate relationship with motocross. I have not spoken much here about it because I don't discuss my son's racing online a ton, so to avoid debates. I love the sport and have since long before I became a momma. Now, seven years after my son began racing, I find myself crazy nervous about it to the point I almost faint.

I am really, really struggling with being able to be at the track when he races. After his last race of last season, I was so afraid after he crashed (he was fine) that it made me afraid to see him on a bike. Everyone knows how nervous I am and so as I rushed to him on that track (a track that an 18 year old died on last year) I heard people saying (about the crash), "did 'redbedroom' see it..did she see it?" So, though he was fine, it was a bad one.

So, now he is gone for his first race of the season, and I opted to stay home. So very, very unlike me. So, friends will wonder, and more importantly, sponsors will wonder. So, it is what it is.

Sorry for the long vent/unload....just feeling kinda emotional about it right now...

Letting go of some bitterness in my life and dealing with the unstisfaction of where I am career-wise and the lies that were fed to us while we were getting our degree - should have known it might happen with a social science degree but I trusted what our profs and directors were saying.