In your opinion, is it worth solidifying a committed and/or long term relationship with marriage these days? Or is the common law arrangement the more practical route to take?

That depends on what you're going for, I guess. I think common law relationships still require a certain amount of time to be in them before the whole 'you're in the hospital on life support, who gets to decide on pulling the plug, your family or your spouse?' thing takes effect.

There is absolutely no security in marriage these days, and perhaps there never was. The old idea of staying married until someone dies, seems to have been based on your reputation in society. Since no one cares anymore, there is no reason to stay, or get, legally married.

Common law isn't really an issue. Not all states recognize it, and it has its own qualifications to meet. Living together is more the thing.

But if someone wants to get married, and stay married, it is up to the individual. It is a personal committment thing. As it probably should be.

Kind of funny talking about the merits of marriage on this site.

If you're intending it to be a solely secular marriage, then I guess you really don't have much reason to stay. Not what I intend, so really, I got more motive to work it out.

There is security in marriage when it comes to tax breaks, but that's about it. Past that, more marriages end sooner than one of the spouses die so that ought to say something. I can see committing to marriage, but that fairy tale vision of "forever" is idealistic.

To me, I don't put any faith in the security of marriage. That's just me. I really admire those who do/have and it all worked out.

Throughout human history, marriage was first and foremost an economic arrangement. There are benefits and risks with or without it.

If we mean emotional security, there isn't any, provided by marriage. Look at the 20+, 30+ year marriages ending, just in the last few years.

I have been married 18 years and probably will be married until someone dies, but it is not because I have anything special, or have any secrets, or I'm real stubborn. I am just lucky. I am only married because I want to be, and if I became very unhappy this way, I would get divorced. And if my husband decided he didn't want to be with me anymore, I don't want him staying like he's doing me some big favor, some supreme sacrifice. That isn't a good marriage!

And financially, we have all heard of people of both sexes, who got the royal shaft in a divorce. No security there.

I believe that security is less when there is no marriage. If the couple is committed why not get married. After all in the legal sense it helps in case of death, retirement, and issues like that. Why not ensure your mate has all the benefits he can get in case of death and hard times. To me it is not smart to not ensure your loved one is legally protected.

In purely technical sense I suppose there is no sure thing whether you are married or live together but to me marriage is a more emphatic way to say "I am here for the long haul". That is just me.

I am aware that some that have more modern ways of looking at this may say that at least 50% or marriages end in marriage. That may be true but what are the stats on people that shack up? Higher or lower? Regardless, I my perception is what I stated above.

I have been married 37 years and do not see security as a problem in our marriage. I have also seen many couples that have lasted a long time. To me attitudes on marriage have changed and people do concentrate more on the SELF and to me that is a factor on marriages not lasting that much anymore.

You have a great day.
Friendly Veteran

I think it's still worth it to get married in this day and age. I totally understand the benefits of not doing it and I don't have problems with people that choose not to, but I'm not ready to kick the romantic-ness of marriage just yet.

Depends on how committed both people are. Marriage takes two people who are willing to keep working at it even when it's not easy.

ITA with what you said, veteran. I've had friends who've lived together before marrying and they've all said that marrying makes SUCH a difference for them.

TSJFan4Ever wrote:

Depends on how committed both people are. Marriage takes two people who are willing to keep working at it even when it's not easy.

ITA with what you said, veteran. I've had friends who've lived together before marrying and they've all said that marrying makes SUCH a difference for them.

I am sure it worked for them. We humans come in such variety to all as the same and one method will work for all. I will tell you somewhat of a humorous comment made in some radio talk show. Someone was saying the living together helps before getting marriage because it is good to know if they will be sexually compactible.

The host said "I assure you that it that it will fit". Wow! That was funny!

I am not afraid to admit ignorance. What does ITA mean?

You have a great day.
Friendly Veteran