Just need to vent for a bit.

Hey everyone, excuse me while I vent a bit.

A good friend of mine has been lately developing a rapport and spending a lot of time with someone new. It seems like every time I come around, the two of them are together. Giggling, sharing some inside joke and hanging on each other's every word. When I ask my friend if she'd like to do something, often times she says she's busy or has other plans, but from what I can tell this other girl doesn't seem to have trouble getting her time. When I call, she doesn't always seem like she has a lot to talk about and so the conversations are sometimes disappointingly short. Now don't get me wrong, she hasn't totally abandoned me. I may see or get a call from her twice a week and when that happens we have a good time like we always did, but it's not the same. It's like I'm competing with the other girl for her time and attention and it's bothering so much to the point where at times I find myself on the verge of tears thinking about it. While they hang out and bond, I'm steady worrying that my friend will I don't know, "like" her more than she likes me. Yes I'm jealous and it's making me very upset and paranoid and stressed. I would never tell my friend she couldn't be friends with someone else, but it's getting to where I almost avoid being the one to initiate interaction with her, because I want HER to reach out to me first so that I know she still cares.

I know this sounds very juvenile and my BF is tired of me complaining about it, but I can't help it.

Why don't you have a girls night out? You and your friend and with her friend. Maybe you'll all click?

Nasty as it sounds, I really don't wanna hang out with this other girl. I can just see myself being treated to more of them laughing it up while I exist as the 3rd wheel.

But at least then you have a solid ground rather than conspiracy.

Sorry that you are feeling this way Cat. A girls night out is definetly a good idea if she will go for it. If now you can always just ask her if there is something wrong and what that might be. Do you think she is feeling differently now that you are going to be a mother?

Tony Marino wrote:Sorry that you are feeling this way Cat. A girls night out is definetly a good idea if she will go for it. If now you can always just ask her if there is something wrong and what that might be. Do you think she is feeling differently now that you are going to be a mother?

I wouldn't think so. She's been with me every step of the way through this pregnancy and has been genuinely happy and excited for me. It's only been in the past month that she's become increasingly too busy to hang out, while she pals it up with this other girl. To be fair, her attitude hasn't turned cold and she does call and we see each other periodically, it's just that it seems like she'd rather spend time with her new friend instead of me. We used to be blossom buddies talking every day multiple times a day, now we only do this a few times a week.

I would have a chat with her and see if something has changed on her end or maybe something is bothering her. Can't hurt.

Perhaps she needs a break. If she has been with you throughout a stressful time, your pregnancy, she might need some time to just do something else. Could you be sort of hormonal?

The good news is, things can return to the way they were, but you can't force it. Just be with other people, don't talk about it to your BF anymore, and wait it out. No confrontations. Let her make the next move.

Tony Marino wrote:I would have a chat with her and see if something has changed on her end or maybe something is bothering her. Can't hurt.

You're right Tony. I suppose it can't hurt. What I fear though is that in her mind nothing has changed, and I will wind up making myself look like an idiot for even suggesting such a thing. We've been friends for many, many years and I value the friendship tremendously. Selfish as it may sound, I just can't stand the idea of being replaced, downgraded or not the one she'd call first when she's in the mood to go out and have fun.

DanaShelbyChancey wrote:Perhaps she needs a break. If she has been with you throughout a stressful time, your pregnancy, she might need some time to just do something else. Could you be sort of hormonal?

The good news is, things can return to the way they were, but you can't force it. Just be with other people, don't talk about it to your BF anymore, and wait it out. No confrontations. Let her make the next move.

Yes. That's exactly what I have been doing these past few weeks. Letting her make the first move when it comes to communication, so that I'm not "bothering" her. And in doing this like I said, I will get a few calls and visits a week from her. On the other hand, I have been fearing that if I back off too much then it will become MY fault that we're not hanging out as much anymore because I haven't shown the interest.

It's just making me an emotional wreck and very stressed out.

Let me just say that playing these games will only serve to destroy whatever friendship you do have.

Perhaps she is aware of your escalating pregnancy and feels that, in your condition, you may not have the energy to hang out and be as active as much as you used to. Maybe that's why she's backing off, and spending time with this other person; as a courtesy to you. I mean, I don't know, just a theory. But you should definitely bring it up, and air out how you feel about what you perceive as a change in the dynamics. Personally, I can't stand it when someone is upset about something, but remains tight lipped about it in an attempt to get me to decipher their silent problem. It's not fair.

Cat, all I can say is best of luck with the situation. In a matter of weeks you're going to be pretty busy with other things. There will come a time not long after that though when you will feel the need for a mental health break from your newborn and will need/want your friend's companionship. When that time come, tell her that. Don't play games.

Cat, hugs to you for feeling down about this. I was going to say something similar to what Chris said. Maybe she feels like you have to much on your plate right now prepping for your little one that she feels she is doing the right thing.

I do know how you feel. I have had it happen within the last few months that a friend found someone new in her son's play group and they really hit it off. Their toddlers are the same ages, so they could really bond over that, so she makes all sorts of time for her. I was feeling jealous at first, but then realized that it was a very good thing for my friend to have someone who could relate to her toddler woes, where that time period has passed for me, years ago. So, I got over it.

With other friendships, when I feel a disconnect for whatever reason, I like to send a card just to say something like "we aren't spending enough time together right now, but you are in my thoughts.."

Your BF is right. You need to tell her how you feel. Don't expect her to read your mind. You don't sound like you'd mind if she would show you more attention just for the sake of doing so because she knows how you feel about it.

Awww Don't be sad Cateyes. You should just make a date to invite her out one day so the 2 of you can be pals like old times and you will probably see that your friend still cares about you!

Keep your chin up. I'm sure your friend will come around.

You shouldn't stress out about it. I think your friend just met someone new and so it's like a new toy. After a while she'll get used to the other girl and probably won't have any more bias towards her than you.

Yeah, Cat. I think you just need to casually bring it up to her. In a non confrontational tone, just say something like 'Why haven't we been hanging out as much lately?' Then from there, *calmly* slide in the other girl she's been spending more time with, but try not to sound jealous or accusatory.