Parental question...should a 13 year old decide how to spend his birthday?

I seek the opinion of parents of older kids. I am really lost right now on the way to go. My son has a plan for his 13th birthday.

I am not looking for anyone to take my side unless they really do and I don't "do" Mom forums as most of them are cracked. That's why I am asking here.

My son wants a friend to come for the day (kids are off school all day) so they can hit the BMX park then said friend stays the night so friend can travel with son and his dad to motocross training track out of town the next day.

I take issue with the plan as I would like to spend the evening with my son on his b-day. Thirteen is a milestone. My son doesn't see it that way.

Personally, I am torn on meeting my own need to mark the day verses his want to hang with a buddy. I should add this buddy is a kid, competitor actually, he has raced against since they were five.

I wouldn't even engage the thought of this if the selected friend wasn't someone significant.

But 13 is so huge to me...I am going to be mom to a teen in a week. I need to mark that with something special...right?

I totally understand where you're coming from Red but I've been a 13 year old boy too. I'm not seeing how if the friend spends the night you can't still have the evening with your son. Dinner, birthday cake, etc.? If you're not going to get to spend anytime with him I wouldn't blame you for speaking up. Does dad know how you feel?

You can ask what he wants to do and make the day special but I would not leave it all up to him.

Ah, the age where they don't want to be seen in public with you....I've found that anything that blends mom-time along with friend-time works much better than ultimatums never work but I found that to suck it up and go with my daughter to some things I really didn't want to, afforded me time with her. You could always join your son for motocross..

It doesn't sound tome like he wants anything unusual, and it is his birthday. If he wanted you to hire a hooker for him I say no, but..............

It can be a tough age Red. I agree that it's best to allow him to have some say in it. While it's probably not quite what you had in mind I would try to include this friend in the birthday plans or try to work out some kind of compromise.

LOL, Suzi!

Thanks for all the advice. This seriously bugged me all day. Those of you who said it is his day are right. Thirteen is just such a big deal to me and I would love for it to be just the three of us at home playing board games and having fun.

But, I have caved. Tonight we discussed it and I gave the "o.k." for the friend to join us. Though I secretly do hope the plan changes!

I thought so much about it and I may seem like so odd sentimental weirdo, but I think what it truly boils down to is that when I turned 13, that was the start of me doing bad stuff. Not terrible stuff, but taking tastes of alcohol with friends and french kissing. I don't want my beautiful little boy to partake in anything negative.

This week he has been on spring break and worked every day for his dad. Tonight I was witness to him cajoling with an employee about the "work day." It made me so sad...he is growing up.

You should let him do what he wants. It IS his birthday. Thirteen isn't that big of a deal anyway. You get more birthdays to spend with him.

I would agree with everyone else; that since it's his birthday, he should decide what kind of day and company he wants to have. Perhaps a compromise can be enacted; like, perhaps, the day before his birthday you have a celebration with him that only involves you and the family. Or earlier in the day, if there are no other plans or scheduling conflict, you spend family time with him, and then later on his buddy can come over and they do whatever it is they want to do.

I understand your situation, Red. When my daughter turned fourteen this past November, she was more concerned about her own plans that included her friends than she was about spending time with the family. We ended up having a quick birthday dinner for her (with her friends) and after it was over, they took the party elsewhere. Needless to say, it didn't include me and her mother hanging around.

So how was your son's birthday Red? You didn't go the cool mom springing for a hooker route, right?

Al...no hookers before 14, in my book....LOL, his b-day is actually Friday, I may have mislead in earlier posts.

He will have his buddy over Friday, and Shale, thank you so much for the visual. I already bitch about how long his showers take, so now each time I bitch, I shall cringe as well.

For as much of a weirdo I was being about it this time last week, I am now fully content. The friend coming over is an important person in our life, as is his family.

I plan to take my son on a belated trip to Chicago this Spring and that will be great as we have not been there alone in two years.

While I still do wish it could all go another way, it is what it is and one day he will celebrate birthdays on days I don't even see him, I need to nut up and accept he is getting older. It sucks, makes me feel lonely, but it is what it is....Time to adopt! LOL Out with the old in with the new....((totally kidding))

Glad your feeling better about this Red, and I'm sure you and your son will have a great time in Chicago!

I've never been a parent...or a teenage boy lol...but I would mix the two if you can. I know on my 16th bday all I really wanted to do was go to the mall, but my dad was determined to throw me a party. He's always been like that, and I sure can't fault him for it, but I REALLY was pissed that I couldn't go to the mall!