Last night

So last night was my getaway. For the first time in forever I had a ladies night with my best friend. It was supposed to be a time for me to refresh and recharge and come back home feeling good about the future and all that.

Everything was going well. The hotel was really nice, and we had a good time exploring the area, went to a super yummy pizza place, came back to the room and we were just talking...Then my friend said "I don't know if this is the right time but I guess if I bring it up now then we never have to talk about it again." I was like "Uh, what?" because I had no idea what she was talking about or was going to say.

Then she told me that our mutual friend came to her three years ago or so and said "M said something about you that really upset me" and then she wouldn't tell her what I supposedly said. So my friend, instead of calling me, call our other friends and talked about me behind my back. She was thinking that I said some horrible thing, like that her child is disabled because of something bad that she did, like I blamed her for the fact that her son has global delay.

I was totally shocked and couldn't imagine what our other friend is talking about!

THEN she told me that when she would invite me to things, the other girl who was upset about whatever I said would say that she couldn't come because I was going to be there! This person that I thought was my friend.

So I'm sitting there last night, feeling incredibly stupid, trying to make sense of this. I basically felt betrayed by every person that I thought was my friend...All because of some thing that I don't even know that I said years ago.

Why did my friend choose last night to tell me this? It was the ONE night that I should have been able to relax and not have to worry about anything.

I wrote the person on facebook, who was upset with me and she wrote me back and we are fine, I guess. I just don't know now, if I should even try to have friends. I feel so stupid. On top of all of that, whatever I said, I know that it couldn't have been that bad because I didn't THINK anything really bad about my friend. She's been my best friend since we were 13. And if I WERE going to say something bad about her, why would I say it to someone who is her friend too?

I'd clarify what I did/didn't say, note how ridiculously 'high school' the gossip and innuendo was, remind them of how it all could have been settled years ago if they had been adult enough to ask for clarification at the time, and then completely dismiss it as the inane rhetoric it is.

Chris wrote:I'd clarify what I did/didn't say, note how ridiculously 'high school' the gossip and innuendo was, remind them of how it all could have been settled years ago if they had been adult enough to ask for clarification at the time, and then completely dismiss it as the inane rhetoric it is.

It's totally ridiculous! But the person still wont tell what I supposedly said.

Tell them you don't have the time to play high school.

Rockbird wrote:Tell them you don't have the time to play high school.

I was just like "I am really sorry for whatever I said, I never ever meant to hurt anyone or make anyone uncomfortable"

I think actually that they feel really badly now for ruining my night over stupid crap from the past that is totally irrelevant today because no one even knows what the person is talking about and the person who said it in the first place is over it.

I'm sorry your night got ruined like that. I had an experience like that with a girl I thought was a friend. Back in my early 20's, there was a group of us who spent a lot of time together. I found out later that this one friend was mocking me because of my naivete on certain issues and the fact that I didn't sleep around with lots of guys the way she did. I'd made the mistake of opening up to her about it. Two of my other friends were furious at her, as she was using my lack of experience to make herself look superior. This girl that I thought was my friend really encouraged me to open up and so i did but then she went and used it behind my back. I realize now that that's just the kind of person she is - using others and going though friends, draining them for all she can and then moving on. I'm still friends with the other two girls, but haven't spoken to the one who hurt me in years. I forgave her a long time ago, but just don't have anything to say to her anymore and am not going to put myself in a position to be used again.

It's not fair of your friend to bring it up, ruin your night, and then not tell you what you supposedly said.

I am very surprised that your best friend wouldn't tell you what you supposedly said that got her so upset. To me, that is her playing a game too. I am sure she is a great person otherwise, but she was really stirring up something in a less than mature manner.

Focus on what a wonderful family you have and not worry about people who want to stir up drama like that. It's not always necessary to end such friendships, just keep them at arms' length.

Plus, if I were you I would let your friend know that you think it was unfair for her to blemish your night like that, especially when she was fully prepared to air it out completely, with telling the whole story.

Thanks Red, I did tell her that. She said she felt REALLY badly about it and she talked it over with her therapist. I guess her therapist told her that it was set up to fail from the minute that her friend told her that I said something bad but wouldn't tell her what it was.

I told her that it hurt my feelings that she didn't bring it up to me when it happened and that it was really bad timing when she DID bring it up.

I'm definitely not ending the friendship, we've been through worse (although not since we were 14, lol)...But it really opened my eyes a little.

If she won't tell you then I would just move along. That is very selfish of her not to tell you what you supposedly said and not give you a chance to defend or clarify if you have to.

Tony Marino wrote:If she won't tell you then I would just move along. That is very selfish of her not to tell you what you supposedly said and not give you a chance to defend or clarify if you have to.

I know...The problem is, the original person who said that I said something wont tell my best friend what I supposedly said.

It's like some weird jr. high game and I don't want to be involved!

thepossiblepolice wrote:

Tony Marino wrote:If she won't tell you then I would just move along. That is very selfish of her not to tell you what you supposedly said and not give you a chance to defend or clarify if you have to.

I know...The problem is, the original person who said that I said something wont tell my best friend what I supposedly said.

It's like some weird jr. high game and I don't want to be involved!

Even better. If its been a kept secret for this long, then it can't be anything to horrible or I am sure it would have come out. Best to move on.