At what point do people need to get over being mad at what happened to them as kids?

Thinking about the grudge thread brought me to this question. As kids we all experience traumas and other bitter milestones, some of which we carry with us well into adulthood, but, barring the ultimate childhood scar jobs, at what point do people need to just get over it?


My father is in his 60s and still mad about when he was 9 he had to wash all the dishes in his father's restaurant (and because of it has not done any in I think 20 years or so), still resents birthdays because when he was 8 he did something wrong and his mother canceled his birthday. And while I can understand being angry at it, it's over 50 years ago and his father has been dead for years, no need to take it out on us because he's still angry at his parents.


And it's like my grandmother, she's 92 years old and STILL mad at God because when she was a child, her younger brother died, and she takes it out on everybody else, particularly my mother...now when it nears the 90 year mark that is especially too damn long to hang onto a grudge I think.

Your father resents other people's birthdays because your grandmother cancelled one of his?

He thinks they're a waste of time, and for his own he never says he wants anything, doesn't like the fuss, etc. I'm not even sure when the last time was he got my mother anything for her birthday.

That's sad Life's to short to be that bitter.

Tell me about it, and yeah I have my own share of things that I'm angry as hell about from when I was a kid, but I don't let them affect how I live my life or how I treat people. And it especially helps that I can come here and vent and I get it off my chest without saying anything to the people involved because it would hurt them, and I walk away feeling better, and maybe that's part of it that when they were growing up you didn't talk about stuff like that and they didn't have anyone to talk to. I don't know but I still think it's time they got over it.

Well, if she had it in her to cancel one of his birthdays, maybe the remainder were not all that stellar either, leaving him bitter and/or indifferent to those types of occasions?

My son's father had a very hard time growing up with a really shitty mom and it has left him pretty indifferent to special occasions. I have rubbed off on him some so that he is no longer an ass hat at Christmas. I understand that his history shaped him to be like that though.

On the other hand, his brother blames everything on his childhood. That gets old.

In the general scheme of things though, what is the difference between holding a grudge for five years or fifty? If I dislike someone or a situation enough to hold the grudge for five years, I will feel the same in fifty, I suspect.

Someone that knew my parents for years treated my mom like shit before Mom passed. Karen had a month, while Mom was dying, to make things right. She chose not to, so she is no longer in my life, never will be. Granted, Karen won't live long enough for me to hold on to this for fifty years, but if she did, I would.

When it's disrupting their lives and it doesn't have to.

Hey Super - I see what you meant. That's a VERY long time to hold a grudge. I hope your Dad finds peace.

Nystyle709 wrote:When it's disrupting their lives and it doesn't have to.

At what point do people need to get over these traumas and disappointments? I think it depends on the person, but I think with some people that point never comes. And maybe rightfully so, depending on what happened to them. With most people, I think, there are some wrongs in their childhood that are never completely gotten over because we are such a clean slate as children and ready to be "made".

I think it sucks when someone wants to make a family tradition out of misery. Many people have shitty childhoods and vow never to have their children go through the same thing.