Should people act as though expectant teenage parents have ruined their lives?

How do you feel about it when a teenager conceives a child, and the people around them (family, primarily) acts as though they have just ruined their lives and won't be able to do anything of leisure again, or fulfill their plans in life? Is this being realistic, or unduly negative?

I think it's being unnecessarily negative. I have gone to college with many young mothers who had a kid in their teens. Not being able to party and do many of the irresponsible teens associated with adolescence/young adulthood is probably a good thing. Yeah, it'll be difficult but acting like their lives are over is overreacting.

They certainly haven't made their lives any easier and they can kiss a lot of the fun parts of their lives goodbye, but it doesn't necessarily ruin them.

Supernova wrote:They certainly haven't made their lives any easier and they can kiss a lot of the fun parts of their lives goodbye, but it doesn't necessarily ruin them.

IMO, it's a good lesson to learn that choices have consequences. And most of the time, it was a "fun part of their life" that brought them to pregnancy in the first place.

Too true, but the problem is when THEIR kids get to be that same age. Does the whole 'don't do what I did' line work, or do patterns tend to repeat?

Supernova wrote:Too true, but the problem is when THEIR kids get to be that same age. Does the whole 'don't do what I did' line work, or do patterns tend to repeat?

That depends. My parents were tenagers when they had me and I made damn sure I wasn't a father until I wanted to be a father. If my daughter had (or does) get pregnant out of wedlock, I wouldn't throw it in her face that she ruined her life but she would be hanging out with her friends a lot less!

It's a little of both. Having a child at that age should definitely force you to grow up and be more responsible, but it doesn't mean that your life will end. You still can (and should) accomplish your goals and whatever you set out to do. It might not be as easy, but it won't be impossible in the least.

Yeah it is overly negative to make like a teenagers life is over. If anything's over, it's just life as they knew it. They'll just have to recreate a life for themselves with the kids put first, rather than their own interests. They can still accomplish their goals in life....but plans have to be rearranged or delayed to accommodate the kids well being. It may have taken them to the age of 25-30 before....now it might taken them to 30-35. The price you pay.

I don't think it's necessary to paint a doomsday picture of the future because they messed up and got caught up. But sometimes reality ain't pretty and because teenagers are usually all about themselves and their own interests, the reality of how it can't be that way anymore probably seems like the end of the world to them.

Alan Smithee wrote:

That depends. My parents were tenagers when they had me and I made damn sure I wasn't a father until I wanted to be a father. If my daughter had (or does) get pregnant out of wedlock, I wouldn't throw it in her face that she ruined her life but she would be hanging out with her friends a lot less!

My mother had me when she was 17, and I never repeated that pattern--I was almost 29 when I had my daughter. My biological father was also 17 at the time, and he chose the non-responsibility path and took off, leaving my Mom alone with her pregnancy, and my grandparents weren't exactly supportive, either--they kicked her out of the house and she ended up in San Francisco for a while with the rest of the hippies. (That was in 1966).

So basically, I have no idea who my biological father is, never cared to find out, and the very Grandmother who booted my Mom out of the house, is the same one who just adores me now, relies on me for transportation/rides, and has me in charge of her estate and everything, when the day comes that she passes on. Strange how life can circle around, though, despite the original circumstances that at the time were "terrible" or whatever they were seen to be.

I wouldn't disown my own daughter if she got into that position, but I actually don't think she ever will. We've had in-depth discussions about the consequences of getting pregnant as a teen, she sees some of her friends at school dealing with it, and she also knows that for her to get pregnant at any time in life, she has a 50% chance of passing on the genetic form of cancer she had as a baby that left her blind in one eye. So that alone has been a sobering thing for her, and enough to make her really want to wait to be an adult before making that decision.

I think it would depend on how the teenagers are handling it. If they expect Mom and Dad to raise the child while they go out and party, then yes, the parents have every right to be upset and complain. If the kids are going to step up and act responsibly, then that's a bit different. One of my good friends got pregnant at 17 and had her first child at 18. She and her boyfriend got married and they now have three gorgeous kids. Also had a friend back in high school who's girlfriend got pregnant. When the baby was 3 months old, she killed herself and left her parents to raise the baby. He was 17 at the time he became a Dad. He's involved in the boy's life but for awhile, her family tried to keep him out of her life because they blamed him for her suicide.

AtownPeep wrote:I don't think it's necessary to paint a doomsday picture of the future because they messed up and got caught up. But sometimes reality ain't pretty and because teenagers are usually all about themselves and their own interests, the reality of how it can't be that way anymore probably seems like the end of the world to them.