Do you think adult males who lacked a father figure seek that out in adulthood from older men they meet?

This is something I have pondered for many years. My guy did not have his dad in his life in a positive way, and early in our relationship, I saw how he had a friendship that was dysfunctional, but I think the guy was like a father figure and so they got along well due to that. I despised that friendship because the guy was so negative and drank like a fish and only tried to bring people down.

Now, I see that one of my guy's employees is seeming to latch on to my guy in an inappropriate way. My guy says that this person (aged mid 20's) is the best worker he has had in years. So everything is rosie right now. But the guy is so clingy. I can't imagine having that sort of relationship with an employer. It's ok to try to have a fun working camaraderie but he just really seems like he wants to be too close. He even offered up today to get paid less so that more money could be invested back in the business....who the heck does that?

So, tonight I had to have a discussion about how this needs to go down. I don't trust many people and this guy could be legit, but my feelers are really up. So, I am really wondering if he is just seeking a connection, or if he is up to trying to pull something shady.

It certainly appears to be that way for a lot of people, especially women I think, that's what they say anyway, they essentially marry their fathers, or the kind of people like they were. My relationship with my father has not been great since I was VERY little, but if anything, it's only convinced me not to even get married, and looking back now, though I get along well with men, I'm not close to many and instead I tend to surround myself with women.

I don't know, Red, the whole thing sounds kind of kooky to me, I agree, I don't know anybody who will take less so more can go back to the business; especially with today's economy when everybody's trying to get every dollar they can out of everything.

Yeah, my feelers were up, but then when he told me of him suggesting the pay cut, I really wondered what the heck he was thinking. It could be that he has been made to understand that he will not be making the same amount in winter as he is right now when hours are cut. So, maybe he is looking at it as taking a cut now to make for a better winter? But that is illogical to think that way, as adding anything to the business doesn't mean shit when battling the elements.

Perhaps. But in your situation, it could be more than that. I'd definitely keep my eyes open.

I've seen some cases of this here and there. When younger adult males (late teens and twenties) who have 'daddy issues,' sometimes they do assign reverence to the men in their life who have authoritative or dominate personalities; even if they aren't too far apart in age.

RedBedroom wrote: ...Now, I see that one of my guy's employees is seeming to latch on to my guy in an inappropriate way. My guy says that this person (aged mid 20's) is the best worker he has had in years. So everything is rosie right now. But the guy is so clingy. I can't imagine having that sort of relationship with an employer. It's ok to try to have a fun working camaraderie but he just really seems like he wants to be too close.

Male bonding is quite natural and we tend to forget that in our modern world - but old family/tribal instincts remain in us today. It is most noticeable in some vocations such as military, police & firefighters where your comrades in arms got your back.

We have Alpha males just like other social mammals and the usually younger males have to defer to them. Age is just one factor, but Alphas could just be a personality type between two guys of the same age.

So, this kid may be seeing your old man as his old man. Don't get jealous.

RedBedroom wrote:He even offered up today to get paid less so that more money could be invested back in the business....who the heck does that? ...

I have worked for room & board at a free clinic. I have quit a job out of loyalty to my supervisor who was fired for no good reason. I have offered to take less pay for the benefit of a company that was in financial straits. Altruism does exist. And sometimes logic tells you that if the company fails how much pay will you get?

Very good post, Shale, thanks. Not a lot of time has passed since my post, but he is still working hard and seems very motivated and connected.

I won't be the slightest bit jealous if it all works out. It is quite the treat to this family when he has workers he can depend on.