Imagining yourself elderly, would you want your children/loved ones taking care of you?

I would hope so.

Sure, why not? I wouldn't be stubborn about it either....if my kids say "Dad, you need to come stay with us," then guess who's moving in!

Marc™ wrote:

Sure, why not? I wouldn't be stubborn about it either....if my kids say "Dad, you need to come stay with us," then guess who's moving in!

Well I wouldn't have any qualms about moving in with them, after all what fun in being alone especially at an old age? But, when people say 'take care of you', I think about how my mother has to do EVERYTHING for her mother because she is too damn lazy to do ANYTHING, doesn't cook, doesn't clean, half the time doesn't get dressed, won't comb her hair, never washes her hands, doesn't change her diapers or she hides them, and I do not believe that it's a matter of she can NOT, it's a matter of she doesn't want to and enjoys making my mother do everything and be the slave just like she has been since she was 6 years old and was blamed for driving her mother into a nervous breakdown because she was a bad little girl and wouldn't do all the housework for her. That kind of shit is NOT going to happen when I'm 92. All this woman does is sit in her chair ALL DAY, usually she watches TV but even then all she watches in the country music channel and other times she just sits in there without it on, and she doesn't listen to the radio, doesn't read books, she does not do one thing for herself or to help my mom out and we can't figure WHY anybody would get pleasure out of 'living' a 'life' like that where you're just sitting in a chair waiting around to die basically.

As long as I wasn't a burden.

No one. I have no children, and I'm last in the line with two elderly brothers left.

But I don't complain about that. There are plenty of elders out there whose children want no responsibility for their care.

Supernova wrote:

Well I wouldn't have any qualms about moving in with them, after all what fun in being alone especially at an old age? But, when people say 'take care of you', I think about how my mother has to do EVERYTHING for her mother because she is too damn lazy to do ANYTHING, doesn't cook, doesn't clean, half the time doesn't get dressed, won't comb her hair, never washes her hands, doesn't change her diapers or she hides them, and I do not believe that it's a matter of she can NOT, it's a matter of she doesn't want to and enjoys making my mother do everything and be the slave just like she has been since she was 6 years old and was blamed for driving her mother into a nervous breakdown because she was a bad little girl and wouldn't do all the housework for her. That kind of shit is NOT going to happen when I'm 92. All this woman does is sit in her chair ALL DAY, usually she watches TV but even then all she watches in the country music channel and other times she just sits in there without it on, and she doesn't listen to the radio, doesn't read books, she does not do one thing for herself or to help my mom out and we can't figure WHY anybody would get pleasure out of 'living' a 'life' like that where you're just sitting in a chair waiting around to die basically.

Sounds like your Mom is under guilt pressure with her Mom blaming her for her nervous breakdown.

Tell Granny that there is a nice nursing home that you all have been looking at and see if she doesn't start doing for herself. Your vague about her mobility, does she walk, is she able to wash herself without falling, does she have all her mental facilities?

Having the responsibility right now of taking care of an elderly parent let me tell you its not easy on the children. I would never burden anyone with my care, when I get old enough that I am not able to take care of myself I will check into an old age home and make sure its a good one.

Tony Marino wrote:

Sounds like your Mom is under guilt pressure with her Mom blaming her for her nervous breakdown.

Tell Granny that there is a nice nursing home that you all have been looking at and see if she doesn't start doing for herself. Your vague about her mobility, does she walk, is she able to wash herself without falling, does she have all her mental facilities?

She found a solution to that one, she had rest home insurance and let it expire, so we can't afford to put her in one.

She CAN walk, but she will not, she loves to play the helpless victim right down to every last detail, everything's 'I can't do it, oh help me help me!', and she has a shower chair so she can sit down but she will NOT wash herself, no, 'help me help me!' for that too, my mother has to do everything except burp her.

I think she has more mental facilities than she'll let on but another side of that is she has no interest in anything, when she gave up drinking some years ago that was when she got really depressed and she has had no interest in anything since. She's never had any desire to improve her mind or to know anything, in fact when my mother was a child she was basically punished for getting good grades because it made her stupid brother look even more idiotic and she shouldn't make him feel bad. And even when she DID read, she quit recently because 'it's not as fast as she used to', it was always romance novels, never anything with an intellectual content to it, so she's never concerned herself with maintaining a healthy mind of any sort.

But she is more put together than she lets on because she admits she only ACTS helpless that she only does it to make my mom mad, to get a rise out of her; but then you turn around and 'oh I don't remember that, you made it up', she has selective amnesia, anything unpleasant or she doesn't want to remember, she won't, she'll only remember things she wants to, for example she can remember her birthday, her son's birthday, everybody's birthday, EXCEPT my mother's, her ONLY DAUGHTER, and her birthday is not important enough to recall, but her own sure is.

I don't plan on being elderly and needing care.

When it gets to the point of losing my independence and having to rely on others for my sustenance, especially if it gets to where my mental faculties are slipping away, then I plan to take whatever measures to check out and be on my way.

I am a firm believer in quality of life over accumulating more years in misery. My mom is unable to take care of herself and is in assisted living. However, she is alert enuf to know that she wants to do more for herself but is unable too. She often says she wants to die. I noticed the home has 10 women to each man so I doubt I will be in such a place.

For the record, I am not stupid nor lack in basic scientific knowledge. I know about CO and that you should not burn charcoal in a hibachi in a bathroom with the windows sealed up.

Opa Shale wrote:

I don't plan on being elderly and needing care.

When it gets to the point of losing my independence and having to rely on others for my sustenance, especially if it gets to where my mental faculties are slipping away, then I plan to take whatever measures to check out and be on my way.

Supernova wrote:

She found a solution to that one, she had rest home insurance and let it expire, so we can't afford to put her in one.

She CAN walk, but she will not, she loves to play the helpless victim right down to every last detail, everything's 'I can't do it, oh help me help me!', and she has a shower chair so she can sit down but she will NOT wash herself, no, 'help me help me!' for that too, my mother has to do everything except burp her.

I think she has more mental facilities than she'll let on but another side of that is she has no interest in anything, when she gave up drinking some years ago that was when she got really depressed and she has had no interest in anything since. She's never had any desire to improve her mind or to know anything, in fact when my mother was a child she was basically punished for getting good grades because it made her stupid brother look even more idiotic and she shouldn't make him feel bad. And even when she DID read, she quit recently because 'it's not as fast as she used to', it was always romance novels, never anything with an intellectual content to it, so she's never concerned herself with maintaining a healthy mind of any sort.

But she is more put together than she lets on because she admits she only ACTS helpless that she only does it to make my mom mad, to get a rise out of her; but then you turn around and 'oh I don't remember that, you made it up', she has selective amnesia, anything unpleasant or she doesn't want to remember, she won't, she'll only remember things she wants to, for example she can remember her birthday, her son's birthday, everybody's birthday, EXCEPT my mother's, her ONLY DAUGHTER, and her birthday is not important enough to recall, but her own sure is.

Sounds like granny is playing head games and still pulling the strings. In a sense I feel bad for her because she is old but that does not give her cause to mentally abuse and disrespect your mother. My father is like that, he still to this day throws out the mental abuse to me and the other kids but when that happens, I part with his company and just leave him.

If your grandma gets social security then she can be put into an old age home, they will take her check and just give you $50.00 a month to do with whatever, buy her clothes or something personal.

The only rest home around here charges too much for her to afford more than a couple of months.

I wouldn't live with my son or step daughter if I was unable to take care of myself. I hope I will be able to afford it when the time comes, if it comes. Otherwise, I will just have to commit a crime so I can live in a jail.

Chris wrote:

Imagining yourself elderly, would you want your children/loved ones taking care of you?

No. Once I get to the point where I would become a burden for other family members to take care of me, I would want to die in peace. To me being infirmed with age (sick, crippled, blind, no memory, etc) is no life at all. Once you've lived a full life and suddenly find day to day life to be a struggle to simply exist, it's time to turn in. There is a difference between living and being alive! Just living isn't enough for me and certainly if it just creates more work and heartache for loved ones.