Somethintg to Offend Everyone

TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

> What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
>
> Juan on Juan
>
> What is a Yankee?
>
> The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>
> What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
> The position of the dirt bag
>
> Why is divorce so expensive?
> Because it's worth it.
>
> What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
> Doughnuts?
>
> Why is air a lot like sex?
> Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
>
> What do you call a smart blonde?
> A golden retriever.
>
> What do attorneys use for birth control?
> Their personalities.
>
> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
> 45 lbs
>
> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
> 45 minutes
>
> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>
> Why do men want to marry virgins?
> They can't stand criticism.
>
> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-
looking?
> Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
>
> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
>
> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> Because they have cotton balls.
>
> What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
> A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
>
> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> "Are you sure it's mine?"
>
> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> Mace will do that to you.
>
> Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
> Everyone has the same DNA.
>
> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> Breasts don't have eyes.
>
> Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
> He walks around saying "Yo."
>
> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> A different bar.
>
> Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
> They named him "Sum Ting Wong
>
> What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
> A speech impediment.
>
> What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
> They're hiring.
>
> What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
> A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along
with... "a recipe".
>
> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
>
> Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
> No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
>
> and my favorite is..
>
> What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
> A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
>

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

It ain't offensive if it's true.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

BTW Tony, that true?

Something to Offend Everyone

What is The Loved One by Evelyn Waugh.

> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> Through his chest with a sharp knife.

That's what I've always believed.

Shale wrote:Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

It ain't offensive if it's true.

Most truthful one on the list.

When do I get to the offensive bits?

Alan Smithee wrote:When do I get to the offensive bits?

LOL I posted it as I found it

Heh.

Too funny!!

> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.