Ok... here's the story:

My bf, chris and I have met in 7th grade & went all thru school together. Apparently he had a crush on me, told his best friend who then asked me out, and he and I started dating---I knew nothing of the crush. After graduation, chris went into the army and i went off to work and eventually married someone I met later. After my divorce, Chris found me online and we were chatting, got along so well that he called me, and suggested that we continue writing and talking. He said he wanted to eventually meet up. I asked , "where are you?" He said, "Bosnia". On the other side of the planet! In a war zone! At this point I thought he was nuts and he thought I was being bitchy for not trying.

Another 8yrs later, he finds me online again and says, "I'm still in the army, but im in the states. Ive been thinking of you all this time, and i would really like for us to try to get together and see each other as much as possible." We were talking and laughing... I asked, "Where are you?" He responded, "We can fly back and forth, and soon I will be on the east coast too". Turns out he was in Alaska! He is still practically on the other side of the planet.

After 3mos of writing and calls we fly to see eachother and MAGIC! Then he tells me that he is going to Iraq but is only supposed to be about 6mos. That turned into 2.5 years, and I only got to see him 2 nights during that time. When he finally comes home, he texts me to tell me that he is home and I do not hear from him again for 8mos. I continued to write him thinking maybe he was wounded or had PTSD. I eventually wrote saying that I was going to start dating... and that I did infact meet someone, but the door was open for him.

Just last week, Chris writes that he misses me and that before he even got off the plane from Iraq he was given orders that he was being sent to afghanistan. He said that he did not know how to tell me, and did not have the strength nor heart to hear me end things with him over the phone. His wife left him for back to back deployments so he saw no reason for me to stick around. Then when I wrote saying that I was seeing someone he figured that he would let me be happy.

Well we worked things out and he asked me to marry him but I am hurt and mad that when he came home that he did not even call me. He says he knew he would have to disappoint me, and couldnt bear it. Would you be angry/hurt? or do i need to just let this go? now he wont be home from afgh. til christmas

You have every right to be upset that he didn't call you when he came home. Honestly if it were me I would just move on, sounds like he is making a career out of the Army so thats about 20 years or so. It also sounds to me that he wants to keep you on the back burner just in case. You didn't say if he was divorced or not. This is just my opinion from what you wrote. Move on, you deserve a lot better than what you are getting.

gotta do what you think is best, Personally I would write it off.

Tony Marino wrote:

You have every right to be upset that he didn't call you when he came home. Honestly if it were me I would just move on, sounds like he is making a career out of the Army so thats about 20 years or so. It also sounds to me that he wants to keep you on the back burner just in case. You didn't say if he was divorced or not. This is just my opinion from what you wrote. Move on, you deserve a lot better than what you are getting.

Pretty much what I was thinking too. He's going to have to light in one spot for a while before anyone can determine what they want. It doesn't sound like he has any plans to do that.

Quote :

He said that he did not know how to tell me, and did not have the strength nor heart to hear me end things with him over the phone. His wife left him for back to back deployments so he saw no reason for me to stick around. Then when I wrote saying that I was seeing someone he figured that he would let me be happy.

To answer the question, I don't think that I would be hurt or angry but that's not saying I wouldn't have serious doubts about going forward with a permanent relationship.

The two of you certainly share quite a background! It seems very romantic and I am sure the time you do spend together is wonderful. However, you can't fully know what he is like to live with so making any sort of commitment is silly until he gets some roots here in the U.S. And you could be missing out on some really great relationship by not dating while waiting.

I think I would maintain a friendship and then go from there when and if he gets settled in some spot. The fact he didn't call about such a serious matter is troubling. He could be pretending to care more than he does or be the type of person that avoids confrontation at all costs. That type of person is an acquired taste and is not always the best in a relationship.

I'd let it go.