well... in my family everyone dies really old... so it was either expected, or even a blessing so the person was no longer suffering. So those deaths, even the funerals, never affected me. My sister however, was only 47. I truly was not prepared for it, and during the week of her services, I was fully together and concentrating on making her funeral exactly the way she wanted it. Even the months after her death really did not affect me as deeply and emotionally as did the holiday season. She died on new years day.... when thanksgiving, then her birthday (nov 30), then christmas, then the anniversary of her death seemed to come all on time of each other, I completely lost it. I became severely severely depressed, and felt so guilty, and cried every day all day. Weird things began happening, like things being moved, and I would find them in a box that I had not opened in a year or so... i had several copies of her death certificate--- used one for the county, one for the DMV... and had one in my file. Then one day I opened my mail and a copy was in my mailbox saying "found this in a copier at the PO" in a town i have never been to! It was nuts. I thought I was going crazy.