Question, my friend's child's father asked her to itemize what she spends money on. Is that normal? Mandated?

If they have a court order outlining the details of the child support, she need only follow what is in that document, she doesn't have to tell him anything about how the money is being spent; if he suspects that his money is being wasted, and the child isn't being taken care of, he can have his attorney investigate. If he's paying outside the court, she really doesn't have to itemize shit for him then, because nothing about this is official.

If they do not have a child support agreement, signed, notarized and filed with the family court, they both need to do so to protect them each. It won't mandate that money be taken from his paycheck (which tends to be a man's biggest fear), but it will legalize their arrangement. I always, always recommend getting child support through the court system. The side business never works on the long term, but I don't know of any system that requires a mother itemize what the support payments go for.

The short answer is no, she does not have to do any such thing.

I don't know why some guys don't get that women don't shouldn't have to itemize and show receipts when it comes to them paying child support. To me that's just a stall tactic. It doesn't have to just be things like pampers and shoes. If she takes the money he gives her and pays the rent that month, then that's supporting the child. If she takes it and buys a new dryer, then that's supporting the child. So afraid that she's gonna spend his money on a manicure. :rme:

See this is one of the reasons I don't wanna have kids. I don't think it's unreasonable for a man (and let's face it, we're talking about men here) to have at least something of a list showing how his money is being spent to take care of his child. If you ask me, child support payments should be dispensed into a checking account, with a special credit card issued that can ONLY work for specific purchases related to the kid. Don't take the money I give you to feed my child and go get your weave reglued.

femme fatale wrote:

Question, my friend's child's father asked her to itemize what she spends money on. Is that normal? Mandated?

Does she have a problem with his request?

It should be interesting. It's sad how many men keep screwing themselves because they are too uneducated, or paranoid, or scared of the "system". So they just want to pay their child support by rolling through the baby mama's crib with a wad of cash on pay day...like an admission fee to see their child.

The sad part is, this usually gives the woman the upper hand, because someday down the line, if it's ever taken to court, HE is the one who has to prove that his has been providing support. I suspect that this is why the OP's child's father suddenly wants an "itemization". He and she have probably had a loosey-goosey hood arrangement up until now.

Each party should get a lawyer, come to a fair agreement and simply SIGN it, and file it at Family Court. You don't need to actually GO TO COURT.

But what you are doing is formalizing your agreement of support and custody and anything else you find important. Then if HE OR SHE fucks up, you can take them to court, and be BACKED by a formal CONTRACT

Exactly the reason why things should be formal. Those under the table arrangements rarely work out.

My cousin had one of those under the table arrangements her ex, who was only paying $200/per month. Daycare alone was over $400 over a month. Then there was health insurance, which was costing my cousin an extra $300 a month to add their daughter. Well this idiots new wife felt he was paying too much in child support, and so he decided take it to court. In the end the judge did not think that he was paying enough and awarded my cousin $380 a month in child support. So Mr. Greedy wound up screwing himself.

It's not at all unreasonable for a man to ask for a list of what his child support is being spent on. If he's so sure she's blowing it, or skimming off the top, then instead of giving her the money, he should ask her what the kid needs and buy it himself (keeping the receipts so that when it does go to court, he'll have proof that he's been responsible.)

Marc wrote:

It's not at all unreasonable for a man to ask for a list of what his child support is being spent on. If he's so sure she's blowing it, or skimming off the top, then instead of giving her the money, he should ask her what the kid needs and buy it himself (keeping the receipts so that when it does go to court, he'll have proof that he's been responsible.)

I would do it, as soon as he itemized his expenses (with bank statements.) It's only fair.

Makes sense. I actually know someone who does something similar. When he has his daughter over for the weekends and anytime he has court ordered visitation, any and EVERY thing that he buys her, stays at the house with him. The Wii game, Bratz dolls, DS game, clothes, Nike's everything. Nothing goes over to her mother's house. He will send her back home in the same clothes that he picked her up in. And I'm totally in agreeance with that.

If he's paying less than $500 a month, he should leave it alone. Because if she itemized all the expenses related to taking care of the kid a month, chances are it would come out to way more than that.

Nystyle709 wrote:

Makes sense. I actually know someone who does something similar. When he has his daughter over for the weekends and anytime he has court ordered visitation, any and EVERY thing that he buys her, stays at the house with him. The Wii game, Bratz dolls, DS game, clothes, Nike's everything. Nothing goes over to her mother's house. He will send her back home in the same clothes that he picked her up in. And I'm totally in agreeance with that.

Ny, that type of deal works to a point if it only has to do with toys and games. When it gets into shoes and clothes, that is pretty messed up. And I say that because I have a friend who is like that with her son's father to the point that they have shoes and winter coats house specific. That is so unfair to the child. The boy feels guilty if he wears his favorite jacket home to his mom, as it is not "her" jacket for him.

This is what happens when people who don't know or like each other have sex. I don't think it's necessary for a woman to itemize everything or mark every receipt, but she should be willing to give the dad a list of the childs general monthly expenses and keep him in the loop about how the money is generally being spent. That isn't unreasonable IMO. My impression is that guys just go up to their childs mothers, cash in hand and say "here! Now let me see my kid".