In general, I am rather passive. However, I have a buddy who recently moved back to my state and he is knee deep in his alcoholism.(DUI and car crash on his way to pick his son up from school) All he has here are enablers, a loser ex wife, a minor son, and a daughter who is studying abroad this semester.

I am not sure what to do, but I have to do something. And I am not going to have any adult support.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me?

Is he at the point of acknowledging he has a problem and needs help? If not, it's going to be very hard.

Let him know that you're supportive and will be there for him. Let him know that you care about him and want to help him, that you're concerned about him. It doesn't have to be all at once, but you can mention it when there's a chance.

That hard part is, at some point, he's going to have to make a decision. Also, try not to judge him, hard as it might be. When he's sober, support him - basically, positively reinforce good behaviour.

You could also look into some Al-Annon meetings. They'd be able to help you and guide you in knowing what to do and you'd have others who are in the same situation as you. If he's interested in getting help, offer to go with him to meetings and support him but also let him know that you don't want to be around him when he's drinking.

A lot of what you do will depend on the stage that he's in - denying that there's a problem and not wanting helping, recognizing there's a problem, ready to work on a solution.

Good luck! It's not an easy place to be in.

Thank you very much for that advice. He is not ready for help. I saw that he even made light of his DUI on FB, so I don't think he is near wanting help. I hope to see him soon.

Thank you NyStyle. Much appreciated. It is just so sad and hard not to do something. I don't even know if he can hold a job right now. My husband has his own business and did give him some hours this week. And at about 4:30 yesterday morning, I was woken to them out back loading the work truck. (did not know it was him at the time) From my window, I could not make out in the dark who the really skinny guy with him was. I asked him last night, and he told me that it was Mark. He has lost a ton of weight. And he was not a heavy guy to begin with.

But I am going to try to heed the great advice given here and not worry about it and just continue to let him know that I am here if he should need to talk about something.

Just for the sake of getting the angst off your own chest, I would concisely say something to him about it. Don't bang your head against the wall trying to get him to see the light, because as TSJ and Nystyle said...no one is going to change their self-destructive tendencies if they aren't ready to move on from them, just let him know that someone else in his life see's that this is a problem. Then back away and take solace in the fact that you were honest.

Thank you so much, Chris.