Why its hard for me to feel bad for an addict

Any kind of addict. cigarettes, alcohol, crack, whatever. What makes me have a hard time feeling sorry for them is that they were SOBER when they took their first drink or hit. They also weren't yet addicted when they went back a 2nd and 3rd time. Don't choose the path to destruction in your right mind and then want sympathy once you become co-dependent.

Anybody else have a hard time feeling for people who deliberately screw themselves up?

Sometimes certain life circumstances can screw a person up and lead them down the path of self destruction. You can feel sorry for them once but after that, they are on their own and should not be pitied if they don't want to help themselves.

Not all sober people are in a good head space to recognize what's dangerous, or to resist the lure of it.

I admit some people are addicts of their own choosing but it's very possible to develop addictions through a series of events that one has at least compromised control over. So I don't write off all addicts as people who got themselves into a mess.

Dark Oblivion wrote:Anybody else have a hard time feeling for people who deliberately screw themselves up?

No, I don't.

People who eventually become addicts don't say to themselves "Gee, I think I'll take this so I'll be messed up". They start for different reasons, more logical reasons - peer pressure, curiosity, a way to self-medicate, a way to find an escape from a difficult situation that they're in, etc. Nobody messes up their life intentionally. Get off your high horse.

It depends on the circumstance. But most of the time, I don't feel sorry for an addict.

I come from a family where alcohol addiction is prevalent on both sides and I have little to no sympathy for those drunks. I can imagine that being in the grips of an addiction can be like being in the grips of the devil and can damn near be impossible to get out....so, ok....in THAT regard I can feign empathy. But yeah, like OP said....once upon a time, they had a clear(er) head and consciously decided to make a toxic choice. I don't wanna so much knock the addict they've become, but I do wanna curse out the sober person they were when they took their first drink or whatever.

Sorry, I know it's a serious subject but when you said that you can feign empathy, it sounded like a quote from George Burns. "You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made."

I guess it would depend on the circumstances. More often than not, it's the circumstances that lead a person to addiction that brings out my empathy, rather than the addiction itself. We have family friends who have a son who is a drug addict. It would be easy for me to dismiss him, but I also remember him as a kid. We were like family and grew up almost as cousins. I also know what made him the way he is today, and that's where my empathy is. His Dad has a lot of issues himself and while he never physically abused his kids, he was emotionally and verbally abusive. It was only as we all got older that our family realized how dysfunctional theirs was. I empathize with the circumstances that lead my friend to make the choices he did. It breaks my heart, because I know the potential that was there, but my uncle battered him down so often that he turned to drugs for comfort and to escape. He made poor choices, yes, but I can't forget that kid who ran around under the bleachers with my brother and I at basketball games, who laughed when I ran out of the room during horror movies, the broken young man who is still trying to reach out to a father who never has anything good to say about him and frequently tears him down. Like I said, it depends on the circumstances.

My friend has my sympathy and his situation breaks my heart, even though I'm sometimes angry, but ITA with Marc. I wish things could have been changed back when he was a kid and first made the choice to try escaping by turning to drugs. back when i was maybe 19 or 20, I remember asking my Dad if Michael would have turned out the way he did if he'd been a part of our family, instead of his, and my Dad looked at me sadly and said "probably not".

i was an addict, to a certain drug, for a period in my life, i did get myself into it. i never expected anyone to feel sorry for me. i was the one to decide when to take my first hit, i wasnt alone, but when offered, i did say yes. i've never put the blame on anyone for my decisions.

im now 5 1/2 yrs clean thx to family friends and God.

so to answer OP question, is it hard for me to feel bad? no, and i do understand/can relate.

MandyPerfumeGirl wrote:

No, I don't.

People who eventually become addicts don't say to themselves "Gee, I think I'll take this so I'll be messed up". They start for different reasons, more logical reasons - peer pressure, curiosity, a way to self-medicate, a way to find an escape from a difficult situation that they're in, etc. Nobody messes up their life intentionally. Get off your high horse.

Right.

Dark Oblivion wrote:Any kind of addict. cigarettes, alcohol, crack, whatever. What makes me have a hard time feeling sorry for them is that they were SOBER when they took their first drink or hit. They also weren't yet addicted when they went back a 2nd and 3rd time. Don't choose the path to destruction in your right mind and then want sympathy once you become co-dependent.

Anybody else have a hard time feeling for people who deliberately screw themselves up?

I actually feel sorry for them. I am not an addict but I volunteer at homeless shelters and I understand what it can do to you. I haven't met anyone that WANTS to be addicted and if it was hard to kick whatever habit they have then they wouldn't be an addict would they.

There but for the grace of God go I. And its easy to look down on people until you are in the situation they are in.

I can feel compassion for them if they acknowledge they have a problem and want help. No sympathy for the addict who's content with being an addict.

Yeah - that's a good point, Cateyes! If they're acknowledging they have a problem and seeking help, even if they backslide, I can cut them more slack than those who deny there's a problem. My friend has gone to rehab a few times - this last time being the most successful.

Ghost1P wrote:And its easy to look down on people until you are in the situation they are in.

Very well put, Ghost.

IA with Cateyes too. If even in their addicted mind state they can recognize that they have a problem and want to overcome their addiction, then I'll be sympathetic. What I can't be bothered feeling anything for are those stubborn codependents who deny, rationalize or downplay their addictions. No sympathy at all for them.

Yeah - theones who deny they have a problem or downplay their addictions are the ones that I have a harder time sympathizing with. When I want to get annoyed at my friend for slipping, all I have to do is remember the pain in his eyes when his Dad cut him down and belittled him and I know that if he had had the support of his Dad, he likely wouldn't have turned to drugs. It breaks my heart, because I still see that little kid I used to play with, that boy who was like a cousin to me.

What makes me have a hard time feeling sorry for them is that they were SOBER when they took their first drink or hit. They also weren't yet addicted when they went back a 2nd and 3rd time.

I don’t know your political persuasion but that’s the same thing Nancy Reagan was snickered at for. “Just say no.” Undeniably true. Unless someone held a gun to your head and made you get addicted to your particular vice, I don’t have all that much sympathy either. I just don’t think you should go to prison because you’re an addict (possession) unless you committed a different crime to get your drug. I'm all for giving an addict help if they want it but I don't call that sympathy.