What do you think the role of a stepparent is in a blended household? If the custodial parent has custody and the non custodial parent is out of the picture (dead or estranged), should it be expected that the kids call their stepparents "mom" and "dad?"

Marc, great question.

I think that if a child is an infant/toddler and they have only ever known that one step parent as dad or mom, then it is fine. But it is not o.k. if they are older and have known their birth mom/dad.

My step daughter was taught to call her step dad "dad" and my guy was 100% in her life and it cut him like a knife to know his, then nine year old, call step daddy, "dad". It was a case of her mom wanting to keep up appearances, and have them both addressed as mom and dad. Not cool at all.

And I am sad to say that it made my guy be strange with her for longer than it needed to be.

well like i said in the other tread bout estranged parents, i hardly knew/seen my dad. my ma had remarried in 91, but was wit him since 87. anyway i had never called him dad, introduced him as my stepdad, called him by his first name.

I have a step mom and dad. I have no communication with my stepmom (dads wife) but I live with my mom and her 2nd husband my stepdad. I call him by his name because I didn't meet him until I was 14. He's a really really good guy and I get along with him fine. I think the "ROLE" of a stepparent in the house where stepkids are concerned is to backup the bio parents. Stepparents should always take their cues from the bio parent where those kids are concerned. In other words, the stepparent shouldn't be setting the curfew, but if the bio parent says be home by 10, then the stepparent should back up that rule.

I think it really depends on what the family is comfortable with and how old the child is when the step parent enters the picture. If both biological parents are still in the picture, their feelings need to be taken into account. I have friends who had their child refer to the step parent as "mama" or "papa", while referring to their biological parents as Mom and Dad. Others use first names. It really depends on the situation but no child should be forced to call the step parent "mom" or "dad" if he or she doesn't want to.

A friend of mine married her childhood sweetheart a few years ago. She had three children but this guy was the only father any of them had really known and he'd been in their lives as a father figure from the time the little one was barely more than a baby. The children's fathers are big jerks and she has a restraining order against both them. They haven't been in the kids lives at all. She takes full responsibility and said she made stupid decisions being with both of these guys. On the day she married, he had special necklaces for the girls and a bracelet for the boy. He gave each of them a hug and said that while he'd always thought of them as his daughters, after today, it would be official. The little one was already clamouring to have her named changed to match her new Dad's.

I think it all depends on when the step parent comes into the childs life. If the mother of a two year old marries a man who isn't his or her natural father but assumes that role, then I see no problem with them calling him "dad." If a child's natural parents is still in their lives or if they're old enough to remember a time before that stepparent was around, then it should be up to them to decide how they wanna view or refer to them.