By BarnMaven for BlogHer.com
Until we had monumental changes in life leading us away from group daycare, my daughter attended an aftercare program that had housing in a portable at her school. Every day after class she would go there, play with other kids, do arts and crafts, and generally have fun. Every once in a while, she would get herself in a little trouble and get a write-up that her dad or I had to sign when we picked her up.
One day when I arrived to pick her up after work, there was a report for me to sign. It stated that my daughter had punched a boy in the privates.
Wow. Apparently we teach them early, here.
Before I signed the report, I wanted to understand what had happened. I asked the young lady in charge if she knew why my daughter had done this. "No, I didn't ask her," she shrugged. I asked my daughter to come over to talk with us.
"A, this report says you punched ____— in the privates. Did you do that?"
She looked me straight in the eye. "Yes, I did, Mommy."
"Ok. Can you tell me WHY you punched him in the privates?"
"Well, I was sitting over there," she pointed at one of the long tables, "drawing, and he came over to me and put his hips in my face and wiggled them," she demonstrated, "and said to me, 'TALK TO MR. WIENER!!!' So I punched him."

I looked at the now-pale face of the young lady in charge as I ripped up the report. "I'm not signing this, and unless you want me to start a stink about why you let my daughter be the recipient of sexual harassment on your premises, you will not only write up that boy but you will make sure that his family understands that if it ever happens again and he is allowed back here, I will report you."

My daughter seems to know, instinctively, that her body is hers and not to be messed with. We talk about the uncomfortable subjects -- unwanted touching, what is an "Ok" touch and a "not ok" touch. She and my son have my unwavering promise that if anyone ever does something to them that they are not comfortable with, if they tell me about it, I will take care of it. If someone tells them that if they tell me then that person will hurt me, I assure them that I am bigger and stronger and meaner than ANYONE and NO ONE is going to kill me if they tell me about unwanted touching.

Tonight I look at my privates-punching daughter, and I think, "Don't change. Don't ever EVER change. Punch that guy in the d--- for all it's worth, sweetie."

I think this woman is totally wrong. They are just kids and her best course of action would have been to tell an adult, not hit the boy. The fact than her adult mother is praising her for it is wrong. It was a freakin' daycare that the boy did this, not a back alley.

I totally agree with the Mom, the boy should have been written up instead of the girl, how stupid of the woman in charge not to find out all of the details.

Yes, it was stupid for the person in charge not to find out the full story. But he should have been written up in addition to her and not instead of.

Well the teachers clearly can't be bothered to find out anything, so it's their fault, and I'm siding with the mother. If the teacher can't even be bothered to find out WHY she hit him, do you REALLY think she could've been inconvenienced to hear a 4 year old girl tell her about what one of the other kids did?

Besides, now the other boys will know what she's going to do incase any of them try to be stupid too.

RedBedroom wrote:

Yes, it was stupid for the person in charge not to find out the full story. But he should have been written up in addition to her and not instead of.

Do you think the little girl was reacting to what the boy did since she was minding her own business it seems? Where did he learn to do something like that anyways, he must have gotten the idea from someone at home I bet.

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Do you think the little girl was reacting to what the boy did since she was minding her own business it seems?

Sure, it may have been a reaction, but I think it is best to teach girls to remove themselves from a situation like that and to seek out adult help. I don't think that either sex should hit when sexually harassed. I wouldn't cheer on my son if he hit a girl in the chest who made a like comment about saying hello to her chest.

I don't think it is wise to ingrain in her that her method of dealing with it was good. Because she is going to get older and the situations are going to be possibly more dire than the sexual harassment she experienced with that young boy.

And I realize the adult in charge seems inept. But I have always told my son that if something bad enough happens that he feels he has to tell a teacher, then he needs to tell me to and not just assume I will find out from the teacher.

RedBedroom wrote:

I don't think that either sex should hit when sexually harassed. I wouldn't cheer on my son if he hit a girl in the chest who made a like comment about saying hello to her chest.

Because so many poor boys are pinned down by a group of girls and forced against their will and told they want it, right?

If this boy's already doing that in preschool, just what the HELL is he going to be like in high school? High school, when most complaints about other students are met with 'you're too sensitive, just ignore them and they'll go away' by the teachers, the adults they are supposed to trust.

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Because so many poor boys are pinned down by a group of girls and forced against their will and told they want it, right?

I said nothing about him being pinned down by a bunch of girls. I said that I wouldn't cheer him on if he hit a girl in the chest who made a like comment about saying hello to her chest.

And who is to assume that he would welcome it? Yeah, he probably would if it was a popular, well-liked girl. But if it was a nasty, vile girl that nobody liked, even as a friend, what then? If her doing such a thing is intended to embarrass him, then by this mother's logic, my son should be able to hit such a girl for the harassment leading to his embarrassment.

RedBedroom wrote:

Sure, it may have been a reaction, but I think it is best to teach girls to remove themselves from a situation like that and to seek out adult help. I don't think that either sex should hit when sexually harassed. I wouldn't cheer on my son if he hit a girl in the chest who made a like comment about saying hello to her chest.

I don't think it is wise to ingrain in her that her method of dealing with it was good. Because she is going to get older and the situations are going to be possibly more dire than the sexual harassment she experienced with that young boy.

And I realize the adult in charge seems inept. But I have always told my son that if something bad enough happens that he feels he has to tell a teacher, then he needs to tell me to and not just assume I will find out from the teacher.

Your right Red cause as an adult it could be a lot worse. By the way that is very good advice you have your son.

The whole situation seems to have been handled poorly. The little boy shouldn't have done that. The little girl shouldn't have hit him. Mom shouldn't be proud of it & everyone needed to have a sit down over the whole thing.

Nystyle709 wrote:

Pretty much. You all hyped about teaching your daughter what is an 'ok touch' and what is not an ok touch......the little boy didn't even touch her! Was he being juvenile? Yes. Was it inappropiate? Yes. But you should teach your daughter not to hit people for doing something you don't like. You only strike someone to defend yourself. The little girl should've told the teacher. I wish that were MY son. This 'proud mother' and her trick of a daughter would've really had a problem.

CeCe wrote:

The whole situation seems to have been handled poorly. The little boy shouldn't have done that. The little girl shouldn't have hit him. Mom shouldn't be proud of it & everyone needed to have a sit down over the whole thing.

I agree with this. Both children behaved in a way that was inappropriate. The teacher should have found out what happened. The parent had a right to be upset, but she didn't need to be proud of the fact that her daughter assaulted a little boy.

ITA redbedroom - Violence is not the answer. If this Mom is raising her daughter to think that assaulting someone is the right thing, she's asking for trouble because, like you said, there are far worse situations this girl could find herself in than a situation in which she is being sexually harassed.

TSJFan4Ever wrote:

ITA redbedroom - Violence is not the answer. If this Mom is raising her daughter to think that assaulting someone is the right thing, she's asking for trouble because, like you said, there are far worse situations this girl could find herself in than a situation in which she is being sexually harassed.

Rather it should be a last resort if everybody fails her first. Yes there are far worse situations she can wind up in, and if she DOES tell people and nobody does anything, the answer is NOT for her to suffer in silence and 'just ignore them and they'll go away' because everybody with a brain knows they don't. If somebody actually tries to ATTACK her, should she just wait until it's over and THEN tell somebody or should she try to fight them off?

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If somebody actually tries to ATTACK her, should she just wait until it's over and THEN tell somebody or should she try to fight them off?

No. I don't think anyone is implying that.

[quote="Supernova"]

Rather it should be a last resort if everybody fails her first. Yes there are far worse situations she can wind up in, and if she DOES tell people and nobody does anything, the answer is NOT for her to suffer in silence and 'just ignore them and they'll go away' because everybody with a brain knows they don't. If somebody actually tries to ATTACK her, should she just wait until it's over and THEN tell somebody or should she try to fight them off?[/quote]
. You slay me. Who the hell was implying that? How do you justify hitting someone who hasn't even touched you yet? Or hasn't even tried. First of all, these are KIDS. For her to develop this attitude that she can strike someone who does something that she doesn't like means she's going to end up in a lot of trouble if she keeps it up. And her sorry mother is encouraging it on top of that. Wait till she gets to high school. Not even high school, junior high. She's going to wish she learned to keep her hands to herself.

I think both kids should have been written up, but the boy was more at fault for instigating the whole thing. When the girl punched him, she was basically defending herself. It's not hard to believe that at that age she wouldn't have the sound mind to calmly react. She was put in an ambushing situation and just reacted to it.