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- Bragging about how “commitmentphobic” you are.
- Thinking that because you have a good and stable job, you can getaway with saying stuff on a first date like, “I smoke a LOT of pot!”And repeating that 10 times.
- Smoking a lot of pot.
- Pointing at a cute baby and slyly remarking, “Your biological clock is ticking.”
- Taking a packet of coke out of your windbreaker on a first date,just to show us how cool you are. Not cool. We’re not impressed.
- Discussing your innermost desire to be a “public intellectual.”
- Catcalling women on the street, or loudly judging them if they are carrying McDonald’s home for dinner.
- Taking women out to the theater, then escorting them outside the theater after the show to attend an “after-party” back inside.
- Ordering sardines at a tapas restaurant on the first date — and a pitcher of white sangria for one to wash it all down.
- Growing out your grizzly-man beard so it’s even bushier.
- Living at home with your parents.
- Pining after Zooey Deschanel, Natalie Portman and other varioushipster dreamgirls that are unattainable. You’re not Zach Braff, OK?
- Thinking about the One Who Got Away — and sending her text messagesat 3 a.m., even though you haven’t seen her in years and you areengaged.
- Playing mind games with women — no one has time for that.
- Spending most of your time playing videogames. You do not live in a videogame.
- Not holding the door open, or not giving up your seat on the bus for a pregnant woman holding a large box.
- Texting instead of calling a woman to ask her out.
- Blind-mass texting women and propositioning the first one who responds.
- Calling women bitches, hos, cougars and c—ts.
- Taking the side of Tiger Woods, Jesse James and other infamous cheaters.
- Boasting about not being close to your family, or not going home for your grandfather’s funeral because he “was 85 anyway.’
- Jumping from job to job.
- Negging us. It doesn’t work. Stop taking advice from Mystery.
- Growing creepy handlebar mustaches, a la Daniel Plainview and registered sex offenders.
- Talking about how much money you have.
- Talking about how much money you don’t have.
- Texting with someone else during a date — or taking a phone call. That’s just rude.
- Wearing clothes that don’t fit.
- Staying out all night at hookah bars with your random friends from Semester at Sea.
- Getting a sharehouse on the Jersey Shore with 20 other strangers,and leaving your girlfriend alone on the weekends so you can party atsaid sharehouse.
30 Things Every Man Should Quit Doing By 30
Marc™- …is a Chamber DEITY.
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