A few years back I read an article that was titled "Things you should do by the time your thirty". One of the things on the list was drop friends that hold you back & bring you down. Well, I had one friend in my life that has brought me down many times and I feel I've always been a better friend to her than she has been to me. We had a disagreement a couple weeks ago and I haven't wanted to speak to her, so the other day she called me and we had a big blow out. I said things I've been holding in for a long time and she was clueless. Since the argument I can't stop thinking about it and I feel anxiety and really mad still, to the point I don't want to ever talk to her again. On the other hand we've been friends since we were kids and I wonder if it's right to just drop a friend after all this time?

Where did you sign your name in blood that you are forced to interact with this person?

Harshly said: grow a pair and cut this bitch from your life.

Being around people who aren't good for you is a sign of disrespect for your self-esteem and happiness. Life is too short to spend it worrying about people who don't positively effect your development.

Get on the steel-toe boots and show her what's for!

Femme, that is hard. It is probably best to just drop her and move on. I know it is hard when there has been so many years.

In December, I had a very similar issue with the friend I had the longest. (sixth grade and we are now 34). She isn't my best friend from school, but I have known her the longest. She came here and her behavior was so inappropriate that I did not think that I could maintain the friendship. (LONG story, but what it was is I found out she is using drugs and used while here) Since my best friend from school is friends with both of us, I decided to just let it go to a point so that there is no awkwardness in the future. But I am not going to call her anymore just to say hello or spend time alone with her. What it taught me is that even though we have been friends for so long, I am not going to compromise the way I live my life just because of our history. And maybe one day she will get herself straight and we will find our way back.

So, really at the very least you need to keep your friend at arm's length if not end it all together. I really believe that as we age it is just something that happens with old friends....the dynamic doesn't always stay the same.

To answer your first question, yes, I've had to drop several friends over the years. Mainly for not being true.

But about what you're going through, Femme, I know how hard it is. If you feel this mad at her and like you may never want to speak to her again, it's good to follow your gut. It's never easy to do, but don't let anyone hold you back. It may be hard because you've been friends since you were kids, but that doesn't mean your obligated to stay her friend for years to come. It sounds like she's unappreciative of your loyalty and friendship. Remember, she's just a person, not a Goddess - you don't owe her anything.

I have had to drop several, a few of them were longtime friends too, but I learned that friendship length doesn't always mean something.

I've had a couple of them over the years. One was a leach who went through groups of friends like most of us do underwear. She'd take one group for everything she could get and move on. She was selfish and would use friends to try and make herself look better to others. She always had to one-up everyone. She'd take things told to her in confidence and use them so she'd look better, which is how my group of friends learned the truth. We were chatting one night and they were upset that she was putting me down and they told me she'd been using something I'd told her, trusting her not to share it, to make herself look like she was something special. The whole group of us realized the truth and dropped her but she just moved on to a new group of victims. I wasn't all that upset that the other girls knew what I'd told Denise, but I was upset that she'd used the information top put me down and try and make herself look better.

There are a couple of friends I've had to drop. Another was extremely selfish, as well, and the friendship was totally one-sided. She was also pretty narrow-minded and a bit odd. She could be pretty rude, too.

Yes. I have had more than a few that I needed to cut loose because they were either a destructive presence, or because I found myself unmotivated by their presence in my life.

I've been lucky never to have befriended any anchors (that were holding me back). I've drifted apart from people due to time and distance but not that's about it.

Yup, a few.

Several.

My high school buddy and I eventually lost touch for a couple of decades. We got together after so many years and met up at the beach for a weekend. It was a disaster. She seemed radically changed, and I'm sure I seemed different to her, too. We didn't part on a very good note and I think we mutually dropped each other like a hot potato.

Four years later I had a tragedy in my life that brought her back again, and things were different. We found the inner children that we remembered while discovering the adult in each other, and so we've been buddies again. But, unfortunately, we live in separate states.

Yes, but mostly it was a situation where friends and I just kind of developed other interests or the things that held us together faded away and we drifted apart.

Hmmm.... Honestly, I don't think I've ever had to just drop a friend. I've had quite a few I've grown apart from but it was never just an automatic decision. I've had a few arguments with some of my friends, but we make up eventually.

I've been doing some spring cleaning myself. "Friends" included.

Don't feel bad. I've found it's normal to feel like a mistake was made and you need to fix it. However, if you have been disrespected or question yourself when you communicate with this person, then there really is an instinctive need for you to cut ties to preserve yourself.

Also, try to recognize if you have a habit of breaking up/making up with this friend. Is your life easier when you're keeping your distance? Does history tend to repeat itself? Again, you may be doing your nerves a favor by keeping your distance.

i had a friend from 5th grade... i was her maid of honor.. and she got in the middle of my divorce... i HAD to drop her for my own sanity. she has tried to get back into my life, but she hasnt changed. so screw her