(It was doublespaced....) It sucks but hey, it's 30 minutes of basically freewriting.
“You’d think they’d have better things to do than look at me all day.” He kept his voice whispered.
The crowd did soon return their focus to the front. He’d expected to hear muttering and had prepared himself for that. He didn’t expect to hear what he heard, silence. Nobody was talking about him or what he did to that eleven-year-old in the casket. All he heard were piercing wails. He wanted to sink into his seat and disappear, but he owed it to his friend to stay here.
“May I sit here?” An old woman stood in the aisle. She had a sad smile on her face.
“Um? I guess so.” Josh scooted over to make room for her. “There are a few seats closer to him.”
“Back here is good for me.” She rested her cane against the pew. “Plus, you are back here. Clearly it’s good enough for you too.”
“I’m back here because I don’t want to be seen.” He looked down to hide a tear.
“How did you know Cody?” She looked at him with compassion.
Josh rubbed his face. “I don’t think I really she be using his funeral to talk about stuff like this.”
“I’m just asking how you knew him.” She smiled.
He sniffled and wiped aside a tear. “I took on a big brother program at school. Cody was the kid I was assigned. He was so spirited and full of life. I found myself wanting to hang out with him after school. I actually cared enough to help him with his homework. The last time I saw him, he said he wished I was his real big brother so I could be with him all the time.” A tear streamed down his face.
The woman sighed as she stared ahead. “He did feel that way Josh. He talked about you all the time. He even asked his parents if you could live with him once.”
Josh leaned back. “And how do you know that?”
“I’m Cody’s grandmother. I was there when he talked about you. Heck, just from what he told me about you, I knew who you were the moment I saw you.” She put her arm around him.
Josh pulled away. “Wait, if you know who I am, then you know what I did.”
She placed her hand under his face. “Josh, it was an accident. You didn’t see him coming. You didn’t want to hurt him.”
“I didn’t see him cause I wasn’t paying attention.” He felt his voice grew louder but, to his surprise, nobody turned around. “I was checking my stupid messages that I didn’t even like reading and in just one second, I killed the only real friend I ever had.” He looked up at the casket. “I can’t get the image of his body hitting the windshield out of my mind. He was so scared as he bled to death and even as he was dying, all he wanted was for me to hold his hand. He was a good person, unlike me.” He clenched a fist and tried to hold in his tears.
“He was a good person; he was forgiving. He knew you didn’t mean to hurt him. I know you didn’t mean it, and so does everyone here. You made a mistake and you’re paying for it. There’s no need to hate you and make it worse.” She took his hand. “Come with me. Sit up front. You were his best friend and you shouldn’t be hiding back here.”
He shook his head. “I can’t look at him.” He began to breathe heavily.
She patted his back. “You have to, or you’ll never be able to let go.”
He looked at her a moment before taking her hand and together, they stood up. The center aisle seemed so long. Josh gulped.
“It’s okay Josh. It’s okay.” She took his hand tighter.
“I can’t do this.”
“You can.”
Slowly, they took the steps towards the casket. Cody’s suited body came into clearer view. With his face cleaned up of blood, he looked so much more at peace than he had in the street that horrible afternoon.
Josh felt his limbs giving out. He sank to the kneeler in front of the casket and cried. “I’m sorry.”
The woman put her hand on Josh’s shoulder. “He knows, and he forgives you.”
Regret
Josh felt the eyes peering on him as he took a seat in the church. He sat in the back pew, but still felt even more the center of attention than the body suited up in the casket at the foot of the altar.“You’d think they’d have better things to do than look at me all day.” He kept his voice whispered.
The crowd did soon return their focus to the front. He’d expected to hear muttering and had prepared himself for that. He didn’t expect to hear what he heard, silence. Nobody was talking about him or what he did to that eleven-year-old in the casket. All he heard were piercing wails. He wanted to sink into his seat and disappear, but he owed it to his friend to stay here.
“May I sit here?” An old woman stood in the aisle. She had a sad smile on her face.
“Um? I guess so.” Josh scooted over to make room for her. “There are a few seats closer to him.”
“Back here is good for me.” She rested her cane against the pew. “Plus, you are back here. Clearly it’s good enough for you too.”
“I’m back here because I don’t want to be seen.” He looked down to hide a tear.
“How did you know Cody?” She looked at him with compassion.
Josh rubbed his face. “I don’t think I really she be using his funeral to talk about stuff like this.”
“I’m just asking how you knew him.” She smiled.
He sniffled and wiped aside a tear. “I took on a big brother program at school. Cody was the kid I was assigned. He was so spirited and full of life. I found myself wanting to hang out with him after school. I actually cared enough to help him with his homework. The last time I saw him, he said he wished I was his real big brother so I could be with him all the time.” A tear streamed down his face.
The woman sighed as she stared ahead. “He did feel that way Josh. He talked about you all the time. He even asked his parents if you could live with him once.”
Josh leaned back. “And how do you know that?”
“I’m Cody’s grandmother. I was there when he talked about you. Heck, just from what he told me about you, I knew who you were the moment I saw you.” She put her arm around him.
Josh pulled away. “Wait, if you know who I am, then you know what I did.”
She placed her hand under his face. “Josh, it was an accident. You didn’t see him coming. You didn’t want to hurt him.”
“I didn’t see him cause I wasn’t paying attention.” He felt his voice grew louder but, to his surprise, nobody turned around. “I was checking my stupid messages that I didn’t even like reading and in just one second, I killed the only real friend I ever had.” He looked up at the casket. “I can’t get the image of his body hitting the windshield out of my mind. He was so scared as he bled to death and even as he was dying, all he wanted was for me to hold his hand. He was a good person, unlike me.” He clenched a fist and tried to hold in his tears.
“He was a good person; he was forgiving. He knew you didn’t mean to hurt him. I know you didn’t mean it, and so does everyone here. You made a mistake and you’re paying for it. There’s no need to hate you and make it worse.” She took his hand. “Come with me. Sit up front. You were his best friend and you shouldn’t be hiding back here.”
He shook his head. “I can’t look at him.” He began to breathe heavily.
She patted his back. “You have to, or you’ll never be able to let go.”
He looked at her a moment before taking her hand and together, they stood up. The center aisle seemed so long. Josh gulped.
“It’s okay Josh. It’s okay.” She took his hand tighter.
“I can’t do this.”
“You can.”
Slowly, they took the steps towards the casket. Cody’s suited body came into clearer view. With his face cleaned up of blood, he looked so much more at peace than he had in the street that horrible afternoon.
Josh felt his limbs giving out. He sank to the kneeler in front of the casket and cried. “I’m sorry.”
The woman put her hand on Josh’s shoulder. “He knows, and he forgives you.”
Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:17 am by Chris
» NEW ADDRESS: http://conversationchamber.ipbhost.com/
Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:16 am by Chris
» New project
Sun Mar 17, 2013 2:17 am by wants2laugh
» st pattys day
Sun Mar 17, 2013 12:21 am by Bluesmama
» White smoke signals cardinals have selected a new pope
Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:11 pm by wants2laugh
» Red?
Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:05 pm by Alan Smithee
» Do You Look Like a Celebrity?
Sat Mar 16, 2013 7:57 pm by wants2laugh
» Canned Foods
Sat Mar 16, 2013 2:57 pm by CeCe
» English Muffins or Toast?
Sat Mar 16, 2013 12:45 pm by Nystyle709