My friend's brother is going through this. I am curious what you think.

Wife cheats on hubby with co-worker. Hubby finds out and loves her so much he is prepared to try counseling, with the stipulation that she quit her job. He feels that it is not right for her to see the guy she cheated with daily.

Wife's perspective is that she wants to work on marriage, has ended the affair, but won't quit job because she needs job to support her and the kids should hubby decide to leave when all is said and done.

In my opinion, I agree with her not quitting the job. In this economy, how can she be sure to find another job if he should walk?

Exactly, and this just opens a whole can of worms, what if she had an affair with a guy who works at the grocery store, or the bank, or the hospital?

If he can work with her on working out their marriage, then he needs to work with her on this. ITA, she does not need to quit her job.

Glad I wasn't in left field with this...I don't get why his family is so for her quitting and happy he left her since she wouldn't quit.

In the area they live in, there are a few major factories. Many have done layoffs, so they know the job market there.

Sounds like a vindictive bunch to me.

Super, I think you are right.

Supernova wrote:

Exactly, and this just opens a whole can of worms, what if she had an affair with a guy who works at the grocery store, or the bank, or the hospital?

so that makes it ok? in this economy to have an affair?

Cheaps, I don't think it is about the economy, but rather, if she's going to stray, she will find it anywhere. She happened to find it where she collects a check. Not a wise move to give that up if she is about to be a single mom. She is so wrong to have strayed, but right to realize (maybe?) her wrong, yet keep the pay check.

RedBedroom wrote:

Cheaps, I don't think it is about the economy, but rather, if she's going to stray, she will find it anywhere. She happened to find it where she collects a check. Not a wise move to give that up if she is about to be a single mom. She is so wrong to have strayed, but right to realize (maybe?) her wrong, yet keep the pay check.

ok i see, my bad

RedBedroom wrote:

He feels that it is not right for her to see the guy she cheated with daily.

I can't say I blame him and I don't think he's being vindictive. If your husbands cheated on you and you decided to take him back would you be comfortable with the idea of him still being in contact with "the other woman"? I'm not saying you should expect him to change jobs any more than this guy should expect his cheating wife to change hers but I understand his feelings. A marriage can’t last without trust and I can’t say I blame him for not trusting her if she’s still going to be in contact with the man she was being unfaithful to him with. And if there’s just as much chance that she could fuck someone at the bank or grocery store too then it's just as well they're splitting up. Finally, the husband must definitely pay child support but I wonder if he’ll have to pay alimony even though she kept her job?

Oh please...

If it were a man fucking his secretary, you would all want him to fire her.

Can we please keep it real for a moment? The woman is a cheating, lying bastard and she needs to suck it up (and stop sucking dick) and deal with the consequences. If her marriage is really that important, then she'd be willing to do anything to save it-- including quitting the job where she's forced to interact with the man she was having an affair with!

Compromise: Maybe she could transfer to a different office?

As a guy I can understand his wanting her to quit. Put the shoe on the other foot. If a woman's husband cheated with his female co-worker and she agreed to forgive him, would she like him going to work and seeing her every day? That would probably put her on edge. Maybe quitting is extreme but cheating was extreme too. Something has to give and she at all values his forgiveness, she'd be willing to sacrifice SOMETHING for it. What's more important your job or your marriage?

stonestatic wrote:

As a guy I can understand his wanting her to quit. Put the shoe on the other foot. If a woman's husband cheated with his female co-worker and she agreed to forgive him, would she like him going to work and seeing her every day? That would probably put her on edge. Maybe quitting is extreme but cheating was extreme too. Something has to give and she at all values his forgiveness, she'd be willing to sacrifice SOMETHING for it. What's more important your job or your marriage?

Understanding why he wants her to quit isn't the issue. We all can understand his feelings. Whether she should actually do it is the issue. I'm sorry, I'm all for the love shit and everything....but you also have to be realistic. This is not the time to be quitting your job, esp only because someone wants you to, even for something as extreme as cheating. If he truly forgave her then he has to be willing to trust her as well. You can't have one or the other. "I forgive you, but I don't trust you". Doesn't work that way. Might as well let it go. If it were my husband and I decided to forgive him, I wouldn't ask him to quit his job. Fuck up the money coming in? Nah. Of course I wouldn't like him seeing the other woman everyday but seeing her and actually going there with her are two different things.

Rockbird wrote:

Oh please...

If it were a man fucking his secretary, you would all want him to fire her.

Umm, no. Don't be making those assumptions because the secretary isn't the one who is married.


Can we please keep it real for a moment? The woman is a cheating, lying bastard and she needs to suck it up (and stop sucking dick) and deal with the consequences. If her marriage is really that important, then she'd be willing to do anything to save it-- including quitting the job where she's forced to interact with the man she was having an affair with!


And what if he decides to leave her anyway? She would be totally assed out. Nobody is worth being assed out for.


Compromise: Maybe she could transfer to a different office?

If she could, that would be an option. But if she couldn't, she still doesn't need to quit. If you forgive someone, then you need to TRUST them again as well. Seeing him and fucking him again are two different things.

If he decides to leave her anyway, then she fucking deserved it. I have no sympathy for this woman. Sucks when people betray you, doesn't it?

But I'm sorry. If the roles were reversed and it were a man cheating, I think this thread would look a LOT different.

Rockbird wrote:

If he decides to leave her anyway, then she fucking deserved it. I have no sympathy for this woman. Sucks when people betray you, doesn't it?

Who's feigning any sympathy for her? We're telling her not to quit her fucking job because that's EXACTLY what could happen. He could leave her anyway. So I don't know where you equate telling her not to quit her job as being sympathetic towards her cheating.

But I'm sorry. If the roles were reversed and it were a man cheating, I think this thread would look a LOT different.

No it wouldn't. Like I said, don't be assuming. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. NOBODY should be forced to quit their damn job solely because their significant other wants them to, for whatever reason. It's not realistic. THAT is the issue.

I can see where the husband is coming from. Why shouldn't he discourage his wife to keep from working with the man with whom she cheated? The wife can't have it both ways: she can't cheat on her husband and expect him to want her to keep her job. If it's to keep someone you love, no sacrifice is too big. The wife should quit her job, in my opinion. It's the least (and I mean the very least) she could do to try and save her marriage. It may be a terrible economy to quit a job in, but maybe she should've used her brains and thought of that before.

Sounds like an unrealistic demand IMO. It would be different if this were some hobby or activity. If she was talking a class in ballroom dancing and had an affair with her instructor or partner, then he'd be justified in demanding that she give it up, but someone's job is their livelihood. It's too big a sacrifice that she walk away from that income.

Rockbird wrote:

If he decides to leave her anyway, then she fucking deserved it. I have no sympathy for this woman. Sucks when people betray you, doesn't it?

But I'm sorry. If the roles were reversed and it were a man cheating, I think this thread would look a LOT different.

I have to disagree that if the roles were reversed that this thread would look different. I think that in a two working parent family, generally, the female's job is viewed as the more expendable.

This isn't a question of misogyny, though. He's not asking her to quit the job because she's a woman. It's because the man she was blowing works in her office. If he left, do you think he'd still want her to quit?

Rockbird wrote:

This isn't a question of misogyny, though. He's not asking her to quit the job because she's a woman. It's because the man she was blowing works in her office. If he left, do you think he'd still want her to quit?

I was just supporting the statement that I don't think this thread would be different if the roles were reversed. And, no, I am sure if this guy quit, hubby would have been fine with her staying.

I have respect for his feelings in this. My issue is that in a family where two incomes are needed, it is crazy for her to quit. She deserves to be run through the mill, but struggling financially while she finds another job isn't going to help shit.

He is already disenchanted with her...how will he feel if her ass sits at home for three months waiting to get hired? He will possibly grow more resentful.

Then I guess she should have thought of that beforehand. Wanting to keep her job just makes her seem selfish. I still side with the guy. I don't think he's even being a little unreasonable.

Rockbird wrote:

Then I guess she should have thought of that beforehand. Wanting to keep her job just makes her seem selfish. I still side with the guy. I don't think he's even being a little unreasonable.