That's what my son said to me! I was horrified!

He's seven, and NOT racist, so I knew it couldn't be THAT, but I also was thinking "WHERE THE EFF DID YOU HEAR THAT??"

Turns out it was the kid sitting next to him at an award assembly...I was thinking that it was some little racist, but no, the kid was black. He didn't win so he said "Man, black people never win anything!" and my son just repeated it back.

Actually, what my son said was "I'm so glad that we are white, because black people never win anything, isn't that right?"

IF your kid said that to you, what would you say?

I just went by instinct but it felt like a touchy subject and I'm not sure if I said the right thing or not.

If my kid said that he'd be getting one HELL of a long history lesson.

Supernova wrote:

If my kid said that he'd be getting one HELL of a long history lesson.

What would you tell him about?

I basically told him that in the past, black people were treated really unfairly in our country, but today we are supposed to be all treated equally. I told him that there were times when some misguided or even bad people still are racist, but that it's not right and NOT condoned by his school.

I told him that it was sad that his friend felt that way, but that it wasn't true, just look at Barrack Obama.

I was totally torn about saying something about the kid using his race as an excuse for why he didn't win, because I didn't know if that was racist or not to say? But the truth is, MY kids are the minority at their school, it's a sea of black and brown students and then a few token white kids, and kids of all races win awards at each award assembly.


On the other hand, being white, I obviously don't know what it's like to be a black person in America so I feel like I have to tread lightly...

Like I said, they'd be getting a history lesson, first in who won what, like:

S. Epatha Merkerson, Lt. Van Buren on Law and Order, been nominated for 20 awards for her acting and has won 10 more.

Hattie McDaniel, at a time when a lot of black women were earning 5 or 6 dollars a week as maids, she made $500 playing them in movies and won an Academy Award for her performance in Gone with the Wind.

Wilma Rudolph, winner of 3 Olympic gold medals, not bad for a girl who had to learn to walk again after being struck with polio.

Then there's Michael Johnson, fastet man in the world with 5 gold medals to his name.

Martin Luther King Jr., Nobel Peace Prize, also Ralph Bunche and Barak Obama


And it's not just about winning, or what we think of when we think about winning. You don't always get a prize for achieving something great, but it doesn't take any shine off of what people have accomplished either:

Jane Brolin, first black woman judge in the United States, also first black woman to get a law degree from Yale.

Alexa Canady, first black woman neurosurgeon in the United States.

Ben Caron, first neurosurgeon to successfully separate conjoined twins

Bessie Coleman, first black woman to get her pilot's license

the list just goes on. And I think a big problem is kids are not exposed to the full history of things, like when I was growing up, I wanted to be a boy because it seemed to me that girls and women were not allowed to accomplish much of anything, that all good things fell to the guys, if I knew then what I know now, and my daughters are definitely going to know what it took me years to find out.

If my kid said that to me, I'd definitely be seeing who he's been hanging with so I could knock some sense into 'em.

Supernova wrote:

Like I said, they'd be getting a history lesson, first in who won what, like:

S. Epatha Merkerson, Lt. Van Buren on Law and Order, been nominated for 20 awards for her acting and has won 10 more.

Hattie McDaniel, at a time when a lot of black women were earning 5 or 6 dollars a week as maids, she made $500 playing them in movies and won an Academy Award for her performance in Gone with the Wind.

Wilma Rudolph, winner of 3 Olympic gold medals, not bad for a girl who had to learn to walk again after being struck with polio.

Then there's Michael Johnson, fastet man in the world with 5 gold medals to his name.

Martin Luther King Jr., Nobel Peace Prize, also Ralph Bunche and Barak Obama


And it's not just about winning, or what we think of when we think about winning. You don't always get a prize for achieving something great, but it doesn't take any shine off of what people have accomplished either:

Jane Brolin, first black woman judge in the United States, also first black woman to get a law degree from Yale.

Alexa Canady, first black woman neurosurgeon in the United States.

Ben Caron, first neurosurgeon to successfully separate conjoined twins

Bessie Coleman, first black woman to get her pilot's license

the list just goes on. And I think a big problem is kids are not exposed to the full history of things, like when I was growing up, I wanted to be a boy because it seemed to me that girls and women were not allowed to accomplish much of anything, that all good things fell to the guys, if I knew then what I know now, and my daughters are definitely going to know what it took me years to find out.

That's a lot of good stuff! I wasn't sure what you meant, like if you meant I should tell him about slavery and racism, or what, kwim? Thanks for clarifying.

That is a tough one. At seven, I think I would tell him that his friend maybe felt that way but that didn't make it true.

RedBedroom wrote:

That is a tough one. At seven, I think I would tell him that his friend maybe felt that way but that didn't make it true.

I wish there was a "like" button on here, because sometimes I don't really have something to say but I want the person to know that I like what they said, like now.

Thanks so much!

thepossiblepolice wrote:

RedBedroom wrote:

That is a tough one. At seven, I think I would tell him that his friend maybe felt that way but that didn't make it true.

I wish there was a "like" button on here, because sometimes I don't really have something to say but I want the person to know that I like what they said, like now.

Look to the top right of the posts....there's a "+" and a "-". Whenever you like what somebody had to say, click the +.
(The - is for when somebody says something that pissed you off.)

Marc™ wrote:

thepossiblepolice wrote:

I wish there was a "like" button on here, because sometimes I don't really have something to say but I want the person to know that I like what they said, like now.

Look to the top right of the posts....there's a "+" and a "-". Whenever you like what somebody had to say, click the +.
(The - is for when somebody says something that pissed you off.)

ahhh, so that is where the reps come in, thank you!

thepossiblepolice wrote:

Supernova wrote:

If my kid said that he'd be getting one HELL of a long history lesson.

What would you tell him about?

I basically told him that in the past, black people were treated really unfairly in our country, but today we are supposed to be all treated equally. I told him that there were times when some misguided or even bad people still are racist, but that it's not right and NOT condoned by his school.

I told him that it was sad that his friend felt that way, but that it wasn't true, just look at Barrack Obama.

I was totally torn about saying something about the kid using his race as an excuse for why he didn't win, because I didn't know if that was racist or not to say? But the truth is, MY kids are the minority at their school, it's a sea of black and brown students and then a few token white kids, and kids of all races win awards at each award assembly.


On the other hand, being white, I obviously don't know what it's like to be a black person in America so I feel like I have to tread lightly...

Here is my perspective as a black person...

I think you handled the situation PERFECTLY! You said what needed to be said and no more. But I would probably go a step further and discuss the matter with the teacher in the class. Let him/her know what was said in class (try to find out who said it), then suggest that his parents be informed. It was actually the black kid who made the racist statement and he probably learned that from his parents. There is no excuse for little kids to be discussing or acknowledging race in such a way. What that kid said in class had a negative impact on your son and his perception of race. Who knows what kind of effect that might have on him as he goes through life. Some people grow up ignorant based on things that influenced them as a child. If you child grew up to think that black people were inferior in some way, people wouldn't care that he learned it from a black student, they would just assume he was a racist. That's not fair to him, to you or to anyone else in that class. Especially if the majority of the kids are in fact "minorities". My suspicion is that this kid probably heard someone in his family make a racist comment (perhaps even out of context) then repeated it as a way of making sense of losing.

captainbryce wrote:

thepossiblepolice wrote:

What would you tell him about?

I basically told him that in the past, black people were treated really unfairly in our country, but today we are supposed to be all treated equally. I told him that there were times when some misguided or even bad people still are racist, but that it's not right and NOT condoned by his school.

I told him that it was sad that his friend felt that way, but that it wasn't true, just look at Barrack Obama.

I was totally torn about saying something about the kid using his race as an excuse for why he didn't win, because I didn't know if that was racist or not to say? But the truth is, MY kids are the minority at their school, it's a sea of black and brown students and then a few token white kids, and kids of all races win awards at each award assembly.


On the other hand, being white, I obviously don't know what it's like to be a black person in America so I feel like I have to tread lightly...

Here is my perspective as a black person...

I think you handled the situation PERFECTLY! You said what needed to be said and no more. But I would probably go a step further and discuss the matter with the teacher in the class. Let him/her know what was said in class (try to find out who said it), then suggest that his parents be informed. It was actually the black kid who made the racist statement and he probably learned that from his parents. There is no excuse for little kids to be discussing or acknowledging race in such a way. What that kid said in class had a negative impact on your son and his perception of race. Who knows what kind of effect that might have on him as he goes through life. Some people grow up ignorant based on things that influenced them as a child. If you child grew up to think that black people were inferior in some way, people wouldn't care that he learned it from a black student, they would just assume he was a racist. That's not fair to him, to you or to anyone else in that class. Especially if the majority of the kids are in fact "minorities". My suspicion is that this kid probably heard someone in his family make a racist comment (perhaps even out of context) then repeated it as a way of making sense of losing.

Thank you. You know, I think you are right and I'm going to talk to the principal about it, because I don't know who's class the kid was in. They are doing a lot of black history stuff this month and I think that it wouldn't be an out of place time for them to talk about it, meaning it would fit right in with what the kids are discussing right now...

I think I will also talk to the guidance counselor, when I had a concern about bullying words she was the one who came to the classroom and taught the kids how to role play and stuff about it.

If one of my daughters said that, I would explain to them the meaning behind that sentiment and how it was born out of a system of unfair bias that black people have had to endure...but also that things aren't always this way, that while it can be true in some instances, it isn't true in ALL. That some people say things like that just to nurse their wounded ego. Finally I would tell her that saying "I'm so glad that we are white, because black people never win anything, isn't that right?" wasn't the most sympathetic way to empathize.

IA with Red here. Your son was mimicking what he heard and, not fully understanding the sentiment behind it, tried to process it in a way that made sense to him. If that were me, I'd use it as a learning moment (which I'm sure you've probably already done.)

Good thread TPP.

Impact wrote:

If one of my daughters said that, I would explain to them the meaning behind that sentiment and how it was born out of a system of unfair bias that black people have had to endure...but also that things aren't always this way, that while it can be true in some instances, it isn't true in ALL. That some people say things like that just to nurse their wounded ego. Finally I would tell her that saying "I'm so glad that we are white, because black people never win anything, isn't that right?" wasn't the most sympathetic way to empathize.

I didn't even think of that...Thanks. It's totally true, that's not sympathetic at all.

As others have said, I'd use it as a teaching moment and explain a bit about history but also about the statement and why this child might have felt the way he did.