TPP's thread inspired me to ask:

How tolerant of teenage phases and rebellion do you think parents should be? I think, in some way or another, all teenagers go through it; however, it's not always to a noticeable extreme. At what point should parents lay off and what point should they intervene?

My daughter is thirteen, and while she lets the occasional back-talk comment fall out of her mouth, we haven't had any wardrobe issues or real power struggles with her yet (and I'm hoping it stays that way.)

Heck just lock them in their room and slip the food under the door!

Exactly. Or just take away their cellphone and they won't have any sense of time or direction.

Chris wrote:

Exactly. Or just take away their cellphone and they won't have any sense of time or direction.

Take away internet connection at home and you have created your own living Zombie!

Chris wrote:

TPP's thread inspired me to ask:

How tolerant of teenage phases and rebellion do you think parents should be? I think, in some way or another, all teenagers go through it; however, it's not always to a noticeable extreme. At what point should parents lay off and what point should they intervene?

My daughter is thirteen, and while she lets the occasional back-talk comment fall out of her mouth, we haven't had any wardrobe issues or real power struggles with her yet (and I'm hoping it stays that way.)

I don't know what it is but thirteen is an almost impossible age. Maybe you will be one of the lucky ones. I wish you the best.

For some reason it's fourteen that I'm not looking forward to with her. By then she will be a high school freshman and at a different school; that makes me wonder. It wasn't that long ago that I was that age myself, and can remember my shifting attitude back then.

Chris wrote:

For some reason it's fourteen that I'm not looking forward to with her. By then she will be a high school freshman and at a different school; that makes me wonder. It wasn't that long ago that I was that age myself, and can remember my shifting attitude back then.

Oh yeah, a new school is a trying experience no matter what age but right there in those early to mid teens is the most difficult.

For me it started at 10 or 11...but I never did anything grandscale, worst thing I did was talk back, express my honest opinion which got me countless guilt trips that start with 'never mind, I'll never ask you to do anything again, I won't bother you again, etc.'

Now I hope if I have kids that they're like me because I will know what they're going through and I'd be able to answer their questions that nobody could give me when I was that age, not in a mature manner anyway.

For me it started later, probably around sixteen or seventeen. I didn't much talk back, but I recall not wanting to be bothered a lot, and answering my parents inquiries very frustratedly and with a short tone. Then I my ex-girlfriend and I became more serious, and well I graduated high school with honors, and a baby on the way.

That's why I tend to not be so overly strict or critical with my daughter. My mom and dad pushed, were overprotective, while being a bit too frigid in temperament. I don't know if I rebelled, or just found it easy to get too comfortable outside their presence.

Chris wrote:

TPP's thread inspired me to ask:

How tolerant of teenage phases and rebellion do you think parents should be? I think, in some way or another, all teenagers go through it; however, it's not always to a noticeable extreme. At what point should parents lay off and what point should they intervene?

When it becomes disrespectful. In all honesty, teenagers only 'rebel' because of the parents. Either the parents let them get away with everything and thought them doing the little talking back and shit was cute or they're so damn strict and uncompromising that the teenager feels stifled and sees no other way to express him/herself. I'm all prepared for my teenager to not like what I tell them to do/wear, eat, etc even 'acting' out a little bit at school and we can talk about it, but they WILL NOT disrespect me. That shit will get nipped in the bud quick. You have to establish that relationship BEFORE any outside influences can ever intervene. You can try and act bad all you want in front of your friends.....you're going to know better when you're inside of my four walls.

We were lucky I guess. I don't think our daughter was any more rebellious then a typical teenager testing the boundaries of blossoming independence. She still had boundaries but they were expanded. I think a big mistake parents can make is trying to be more of a friend to their kid than a parent.

None of my kids are teenagers yet, I think it'll probably be pretty rough when we have two 11 yos, a 13 yo, a 16 yo and an 18 yo in the house. That's just a lot of hormones.

I'm just doing the best that I know how to do, asking for professional help when I DON'T know what to do, and trying to be consistent and I'm hoping that it will pay off in no one homeless, dead, addicted to drugs,a teenage parent, or a high school drop out. Or arrested.

As long as those things don't happen and everyone is healthy and happy at the end of the teen years then I think I won't have any complaints! I hope!

I'm a few years away from dealing with the terrible teens, but I would be tolerant to a point, while remaining on the defense. As soon as their rebellion started to become distracting, it's time to put your foot down and assume control.

I think that the biggest thing is to not freak out to news of something minor happening. I think that it is probably so easy for a kid to decide to stop confiding in/communicating to a parent at the first sign of a parent being uneasy at some sort of news.

So, if he were to do something rebellious, I wouldn't want to fly off the handle in fear that it would cause a stop to our good communication. And a big part of it is letting him know what the expectations are from a young age so that if and when he does something stupid that goes against set expectations, I can calmly tell him that he messed up and will suffer xyz consequences.

And that is idealistic probably, that it will always be a calm exchange. I just hope that he stays as good as he is now when he gets into his teens.

I still get the galloping shudders thinking about 3 teenagers at one time. Shoulda taken Times advise on the subject at the time, he said we ought to put them in a barrel and feed them through the bung hole until they were 21. Guess I should also say our baby turned 50 Feb 13th.

I don't have children, and so I can't offer any experience-based perspective. My general opinion is that by the time a child becomes a teenager, their parents should know them well enough to be able to know when to interfere and when to dismiss. The child has been going through phases all of their life by the time they reach that dreaded 13-16 year old stage.

Nhaiyel wrote:

I don't have children, and so I can't offer any experience-based perspective. My general opinion is that by the time a child becomes a teenager, their parents should know them well enough to be able to know when to interfere and when to dismiss. The child has been going through phases all of their life by the time they reach that dreaded 13-16 year old stage.

There in lays the problem, by the time they are teenagers the parents know them very well! Puberty does a job on them all in one way or another, and what ever little annoying habits are intensified.