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Tony's mentioning Gweneth Paltrow naming her child 'Apple' inspired me to create this thread.
The 20 Most Bizarre Celebrity Baby Names
http://www.cracked.com/article_15765_the-20-most-bizarre-celebrity-baby-names.html
#20.
Kal-El
Child Of: Nicolas Cage
Fun Fact No. 1: Nic Cage likes comics.
Fun Fact No. 2: Nic changed his last name from Coppola to Cage in honor of Marvel character Luke Cage.
Fun Fact No. 3: He named his kid Kal-El after Superman.
Fun Fact No. 4: Why didn't he name his kid Luke?
#19.
Pilot Inspektor
Child Of: Jason Lee
Jason Lee is a pretty funny dude. Maybe, you've seen a Kevin Smith movie or the first season of My Name Is Earl. Maybe, sometimes he should stop trying to be so funny, like when he named his kid "Pilot."
Why "Pilot?" Because he heard a song by the band Grandaddy (called "He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the Pilot"). If the man had just waited for eight more tracks on the same album he could have named him E. Knievel Interlude which is equally ridiculous, but in a far more awesome way.
#18.
Fifi Trixibelle
Child Of: Bob Geldof and Paula Yates
The Irish singer and songwriter Geldof named his daughter Fifi after his aunt, and his wife was fascinated with the lifestyles of southern belles, hence the last part. But Trixi?
God knows where that came from. Maybe, they just decided to throw in as many dog names as they could.
#17.
Apple
Child Of: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris "You Know How I Know You're Gay? You Like Coldplay" Martin
At first, we assumed the naming process went a little bit like that time Newton invented gravity. You know, he was eating an apple or something. We never paid attention in History. Anyway, Gwyneth explained the name on an episode of Oprah back in August of 2004. Her exact words were:
"Right, well, um, basically it was because when we were first pregnant, her daddy said, if it's, basically one day he just said if it's a girl I think her name should be Apple. And I just, it sounded so sweet, and it conjures such a lovely picture for me, you know apples are so sweet and they're wholesome, and it's biblical and it's just, they're so, and I just thought it sounded so lovely and ..."
Obviously, Gwyneth has no clue why she named her kid Apple, either.
#16.
Coco
Child Of: Courteney Cox and David Arquette
According to Wikipedia, the most trusted source on the Internet, they were originally going to name the baby Courteney Cox Arquette, but this went against David's Jewish traditions, so they named it Coco after a nickname Courteney used to have. Courteney decided this was a good name after she decided she didn't want her daughter to ever get a spot on the Supreme Court.
#15.
Kyd
Child Of: David Duchovny and Tea Leoni
We enjoy a whimsical play on words as much as the next website, and the Duchovnys apparently shared a hearty chuckle at the thought of being able to shout, "Hey, kid!" and secretly know it was spelled with a "Y." If you go that direction, why not take it all the way and go with "Phatboi" or "Rhettard?" Both will stay funnier a lot longer than "Kyd."
#14.
Sage Moonblood
Son Of: Sylvester Stallone
OK, we might let this one fly considering Moonblood is Sage's middle name. Plus, this is Sly Stallone, here. Let us take this opportunity to link to that John Rambo trailer yet again. What we're saying is the name probably had to have the word "blood" in it somewhere, and the kid's lucky he didn't wind up with Scream Stabblood.
#13.
Destry
Child Of: Steven Spielberg
Whenever we put this name into Google to find out why anyone would name their baby this, it just brought up the word "Destroy," which actually makes us feel a bit better about it.
Some old-school GI Joe fans have implied that Destry is merely the feminine version of Destro. We'll have to research that, but if true, it comes off here and goes right on the Most Awesome Baby Names list.
#12.
Maddox
Adopted child Of: Angelina Jolie (and Brad Pitt)
Without any research, it's fairly obvious that Jolie named their adopted son after the Internet celebrity Maddox, probably after dismissing Gabe, Tycho and Lowtax.
#11.
Memphis Eve
Child Of: Bono
A pretentious baby name coming from a smug, pretentious man like Bono shouldn't be much of a surprise. The man does call himself Bono, after all. This is also the same person that bought a first-class plane ticket to transport his favorite hat to a concert location.
But really, "Memphis Eve?" Does that even make sense? "One more day until Memphis, kids!"
#10.
Ocean
Child Of: Forest Whitaker
The last King of Scotland actually did explain why he named his son Ocean. His words:
"I want those names to be their destiny, for my daughter to be honest and my son to be expansive. I try to be like a forest, revitalizing and constantly growing."
That's very inspirational, and we do hope his daughter is inspired by the ocean to become expansive, rather than becoming huge, salty and smelling of fish.
#9.
Prince Michael II/Blanket
Child Of: Michael Jackson
You can really chart Michael Jackson's journey into Crazytown with the naming of his children. When his first kid was produced somehow in 1997, he gave him the pretentious but not-quite-insane name Prince Michael Jackson. In 2002, another boy comes along and Michael, completely out of name ideas, calls him Prince Michael II. You'd expect his nickname to be "The Revenge," but instead Michael started calling him "Blanket."
It's such a great example of how a completely innocent word, given the right set of circumstances, can be nightmarishly disturbing.
#8.
Rocket Rodriguez
Child Of: Robert Rodriguez
But you might say, "Cracked, Rocket is such an awesome name!" OK, but you've got to try to imagine this kid having a life outside of porn industry. After all, imagine you're about to be put under on the operating table, and the nurse leans over and tells you your heart surgery is going to be performed by Rocket Rodriguez. OK, that would actually be pretty awesome. But seriously, imagine if the kid ever wanted to run for President ... wait, no, still awesome. OK, we may have to reconsider this one.
Interesting Tidbit: Rocket has four younger siblings: Racer, Rebel, Rogue and Rhiannon. Yeah, Rob has a thing for alliteration.
#7.
Blue Angel
Child Of:The Edge (From U2)
Not one, but two children of U2 band members making the list! Coincidence? We think not!
It's telling that Edge could so easily have just left it at "Angel" and given the kid a perfectly normal name. Nope, he's The Edge and dammit, it's important the kid have a weird name that's difficult to explain, and reminds people of those stunt fighter pilots.
#6.
Audio Science
Child Of: Actress Shannyn Sossamon
It's true that Shannyn Sossamon just barely qualifies as a celebrity, but she forces her way onto this list with this exceptionally bizarre name.
We learn with this entry that the only thing sadder than a pretentious baby name is a failed attempt at a pretentious baby name that ends up sounding like the name of a class at a local community college.
#4 & 5.
Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin
Children Of: Frank Zappa
We've piled all of Frank Zappa's ridiculous kid names into one entry, rather than let him dominate half the list (He named his other kids Dweezil and Ahmet).
He was a funny guy, rest his soul, but as with Jason Lee earlier it's really not cool to saddle your kid with a goofy name just so you can chuckle when you see the birth certificate.
#3.
Moxie Crimefighter
Child Of: Penn Jillette
Apparently, Jillette's wife had no middle name, and their theory was that you never use the middle name anyway so why not have some fun with it. This does not explain the "Moxie" part.
#2.
Tu Morrow
Child Of: Rob Morrow (from the TV show Numb3rs)
Now, we've just about reached the lowest of the low. Below the wacky joke names, and the pretentious hippie names, we have the pun names. Tu Morrow.
We've heard tales of these people; the ones named "Mary Christmas" and "Candy Barr" and "Ruby Cox." It's not only the worst kind of name, it's the worst kind of humor. "Tu Morrow?" That's not one of those things that starts out funny and then wears out its welcome with time; that stops being funny before you say it. It doesn't get any worse than this.
#1.
Jermajesty
Child Of: Jermaine Jackson
We stand corrected.
The 20 Most Bizarre Celebrity Baby Names
http://www.cracked.com/article_15765_the-20-most-bizarre-celebrity-baby-names.html
#20.
Kal-El
Child Of: Nicolas Cage
Fun Fact No. 1: Nic Cage likes comics.
Fun Fact No. 2: Nic changed his last name from Coppola to Cage in honor of Marvel character Luke Cage.
Fun Fact No. 3: He named his kid Kal-El after Superman.
Fun Fact No. 4: Why didn't he name his kid Luke?
#19.
Pilot Inspektor
Child Of: Jason Lee
Jason Lee is a pretty funny dude. Maybe, you've seen a Kevin Smith movie or the first season of My Name Is Earl. Maybe, sometimes he should stop trying to be so funny, like when he named his kid "Pilot."
Why "Pilot?" Because he heard a song by the band Grandaddy (called "He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the Pilot"). If the man had just waited for eight more tracks on the same album he could have named him E. Knievel Interlude which is equally ridiculous, but in a far more awesome way.
#18.
Fifi Trixibelle
Child Of: Bob Geldof and Paula Yates
The Irish singer and songwriter Geldof named his daughter Fifi after his aunt, and his wife was fascinated with the lifestyles of southern belles, hence the last part. But Trixi?
God knows where that came from. Maybe, they just decided to throw in as many dog names as they could.
#17.
Apple
Child Of: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris "You Know How I Know You're Gay? You Like Coldplay" Martin
At first, we assumed the naming process went a little bit like that time Newton invented gravity. You know, he was eating an apple or something. We never paid attention in History. Anyway, Gwyneth explained the name on an episode of Oprah back in August of 2004. Her exact words were:
"Right, well, um, basically it was because when we were first pregnant, her daddy said, if it's, basically one day he just said if it's a girl I think her name should be Apple. And I just, it sounded so sweet, and it conjures such a lovely picture for me, you know apples are so sweet and they're wholesome, and it's biblical and it's just, they're so, and I just thought it sounded so lovely and ..."
Obviously, Gwyneth has no clue why she named her kid Apple, either.
#16.
Coco
Child Of: Courteney Cox and David Arquette
According to Wikipedia, the most trusted source on the Internet, they were originally going to name the baby Courteney Cox Arquette, but this went against David's Jewish traditions, so they named it Coco after a nickname Courteney used to have. Courteney decided this was a good name after she decided she didn't want her daughter to ever get a spot on the Supreme Court.
#15.
Kyd
Child Of: David Duchovny and Tea Leoni
We enjoy a whimsical play on words as much as the next website, and the Duchovnys apparently shared a hearty chuckle at the thought of being able to shout, "Hey, kid!" and secretly know it was spelled with a "Y." If you go that direction, why not take it all the way and go with "Phatboi" or "Rhettard?" Both will stay funnier a lot longer than "Kyd."
#14.
Sage Moonblood
Son Of: Sylvester Stallone
OK, we might let this one fly considering Moonblood is Sage's middle name. Plus, this is Sly Stallone, here. Let us take this opportunity to link to that John Rambo trailer yet again. What we're saying is the name probably had to have the word "blood" in it somewhere, and the kid's lucky he didn't wind up with Scream Stabblood.
#13.
Destry
Child Of: Steven Spielberg
Whenever we put this name into Google to find out why anyone would name their baby this, it just brought up the word "Destroy," which actually makes us feel a bit better about it.
Some old-school GI Joe fans have implied that Destry is merely the feminine version of Destro. We'll have to research that, but if true, it comes off here and goes right on the Most Awesome Baby Names list.
#12.
Maddox
Adopted child Of: Angelina Jolie (and Brad Pitt)
Without any research, it's fairly obvious that Jolie named their adopted son after the Internet celebrity Maddox, probably after dismissing Gabe, Tycho and Lowtax.
#11.
Memphis Eve
Child Of: Bono
A pretentious baby name coming from a smug, pretentious man like Bono shouldn't be much of a surprise. The man does call himself Bono, after all. This is also the same person that bought a first-class plane ticket to transport his favorite hat to a concert location.
But really, "Memphis Eve?" Does that even make sense? "One more day until Memphis, kids!"
#10.
Ocean
Child Of: Forest Whitaker
The last King of Scotland actually did explain why he named his son Ocean. His words:
"I want those names to be their destiny, for my daughter to be honest and my son to be expansive. I try to be like a forest, revitalizing and constantly growing."
That's very inspirational, and we do hope his daughter is inspired by the ocean to become expansive, rather than becoming huge, salty and smelling of fish.
#9.
Prince Michael II/Blanket
Child Of: Michael Jackson
You can really chart Michael Jackson's journey into Crazytown with the naming of his children. When his first kid was produced somehow in 1997, he gave him the pretentious but not-quite-insane name Prince Michael Jackson. In 2002, another boy comes along and Michael, completely out of name ideas, calls him Prince Michael II. You'd expect his nickname to be "The Revenge," but instead Michael started calling him "Blanket."
It's such a great example of how a completely innocent word, given the right set of circumstances, can be nightmarishly disturbing.
#8.
Rocket Rodriguez
Child Of: Robert Rodriguez
But you might say, "Cracked, Rocket is such an awesome name!" OK, but you've got to try to imagine this kid having a life outside of porn industry. After all, imagine you're about to be put under on the operating table, and the nurse leans over and tells you your heart surgery is going to be performed by Rocket Rodriguez. OK, that would actually be pretty awesome. But seriously, imagine if the kid ever wanted to run for President ... wait, no, still awesome. OK, we may have to reconsider this one.
Interesting Tidbit: Rocket has four younger siblings: Racer, Rebel, Rogue and Rhiannon. Yeah, Rob has a thing for alliteration.
#7.
Blue Angel
Child Of:The Edge (From U2)
Not one, but two children of U2 band members making the list! Coincidence? We think not!
It's telling that Edge could so easily have just left it at "Angel" and given the kid a perfectly normal name. Nope, he's The Edge and dammit, it's important the kid have a weird name that's difficult to explain, and reminds people of those stunt fighter pilots.
#6.
Audio Science
Child Of: Actress Shannyn Sossamon
It's true that Shannyn Sossamon just barely qualifies as a celebrity, but she forces her way onto this list with this exceptionally bizarre name.
We learn with this entry that the only thing sadder than a pretentious baby name is a failed attempt at a pretentious baby name that ends up sounding like the name of a class at a local community college.
#4 & 5.
Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin
Children Of: Frank Zappa
We've piled all of Frank Zappa's ridiculous kid names into one entry, rather than let him dominate half the list (He named his other kids Dweezil and Ahmet).
He was a funny guy, rest his soul, but as with Jason Lee earlier it's really not cool to saddle your kid with a goofy name just so you can chuckle when you see the birth certificate.
#3.
Moxie Crimefighter
Child Of: Penn Jillette
Apparently, Jillette's wife had no middle name, and their theory was that you never use the middle name anyway so why not have some fun with it. This does not explain the "Moxie" part.
#2.
Tu Morrow
Child Of: Rob Morrow (from the TV show Numb3rs)
Now, we've just about reached the lowest of the low. Below the wacky joke names, and the pretentious hippie names, we have the pun names. Tu Morrow.
We've heard tales of these people; the ones named "Mary Christmas" and "Candy Barr" and "Ruby Cox." It's not only the worst kind of name, it's the worst kind of humor. "Tu Morrow?" That's not one of those things that starts out funny and then wears out its welcome with time; that stops being funny before you say it. It doesn't get any worse than this.
#1.
Jermajesty
Child Of: Jermaine Jackson
We stand corrected.
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