First of all:

WHAT THE HELL

*ahem*

I went on a date today with a man I recently began chatting with. He seemed smart enough. And he is very active in his community. So props there. Shows that he cares, right?

The night before our first date, he picked a fight with me about a joke I made. He works as a youth counselor, and I joked about how I would be a terrible counselor because I can be quite insensitive. He apologized for snapping at me, whatever. But it definitely soured my desire to go on this date with him. But I figured I'd give him a chance.

Well, I get to the place we're meeting, a small cafe in the North End of Boston. I get a text message from him saying that he's bringing a friend along. Who in the WORLD brings a friend along to a first date? Awkward much? Not only do I have to worry about impressing him, but now I'm already meeting friends, who will probably judge me even more? Seriously?

When I got home tonight, I talked with him briefly before delving into the conversation of the first date-- which really, was just a hangout between two people and a third wheel. He told me that I'm handsome and intelligent, but also very "structured," and he's not sure if that's good/bad. "Probably good." And he said I was interesting.

I responded saying that I unfortunately didn't get to know him. I learned a LOT about his friend, who was engaging and funny, but that I learned nothing about him. He responded with the following and IMMEDIATELY signed offline:

Spoiler:

This got my blood boiling-- he was really going to try to guilt me because he fucked up? So I sent him a message (via text) saying that I thought that his last message was very childish, and I don't have the time to play high school. And that's that.

I've never been on such a terrible date in my life.

that sux, im sorry

Oh Rob, I'm sorry you didn't have a good time but if that's your worst date ever, you ain't doing that badly. I acknowledge that bring a third person on a date is unconventional and if there was no other reason than, "Hey I'm meeting someone for the first time, want to tag along?", he shouldn't have done it.

I don't think what he wrote that made your blood boil was that bad. I thought what you concealed under the spoiler was him ripping you a new asshole. He admitted the fault could lie with him ("tired and whiney") and he obviously listened to what you had to say during your encounter. I know from experience that meanings can be lost through written communication so it's possible you took it the wrong way or he didn't express what he was trying to.


PS- Good luck on your interview.

It's the fact that he sent that and immediately signed offline. He was right, though. It was tired and whiney, and I didn't find it cute. Saying something like that, which puts blame onto me, and then signing off so he can have the last word? The only reason he signed off so fast was because he knew that I would say something to shoot that shit down REAL fast.

Edit: Oh, and he also (stupidly) admitted that he had forgotten it was Wednesday. So, as far as I'm concerned, he was just really inconsiderate. His friend was a doll. But seriously... why would you ever bring a friend on a first date. That shows a real lack of regard for the person you're meeting.

(Oh!) Rob Petrie wrote:

Edit: Oh, and he also (stupidly) admitted that he had forgotten it was Wednesday. So, as far as I'm concerned, he was just really inconsiderate. His friend was a doll. But seriously... why would you ever bring a friend on a first date. That shows a real lack of regard for the person you're meeting.

And there's your red-flag warning for how the entire relationship would go, should it have progressed past the first date. Drop him and move on--there are people out there who will treat you better; you just have to find them.

Exactly! Just how long would this have lasted if I had gone on the second date. He's all excuses.

Too bad you can't try for his friend. Too much baggage?

Too self-absorbed. And I bet his swanger is small.

So how did the interview go Rob?

*Goes back to bed.*

You never said what actually happened on the date itself. I guess he must be a tad insecure if he had to bring a friend along but he should have forewarned you the day before not while he was on his way. There are a lot of holes here, did you know what he looked like before you met him? Did you talk to him on the phone before the date to get an idea of what type of personality he has? Evidently there must have been some kind of attraction if he messaged you and you got upset by what he said. (I really don't think what he said was that tacky, he did wish you good luck on your Interview)

Why not give him a second chance, another date minus the friend for distraction. You might find out that you both have more in common than you suspect.

Well, on the date, I found myself talking more with his friend.

His personality.. well, I think he takes himself very seriously. Everything I say seemed to annoy him. Or he seemed a bit disinterested. He wasn't asking me any questions or anything-- that was all his friend. She asked where I went to school, what I studied, how my job interview went, what it is for, where I was from, etc. I made a great impression. It was my best date with a woman to date...

I gave him a chance to go on a second date, but when I got that message (and he just... disappeared), I was really turned off by that. I was exactly, and I found that what he said, how he said it and the manner in which it was presented was rude and uncalled for. He was trying to shove the blame onto me. It was MY fault I couldn't find anything to say about him? Well, maybe if he had actually talked to me (alone) I would be able to say something about him. That's when I cancelled the date in a way that I hope he won't try to contact me again.

(Oh!) Rob Petrie wrote:

Well, on the date, I found myself talking more with his friend.

His personality.. well, I think he takes himself very seriously. Everything I say seemed to annoy him. Or he seemed a bit disinterested. He wasn't asking me any questions or anything-- that was all his friend. She asked where I went to school, what I studied, how my job interview went, what it is for, where I was from, etc. I made a great impression. It was my best date with a woman to date...

I gave him a chance to go on a second date, but when I got that message (and he just... disappeared), I was really turned off by that. I was exactly, and I found that what he said, how he said it and the manner in which it was presented was rude and uncalled for. He was trying to shove the blame onto me. It was MY fault I couldn't find anything to say about him? Well, maybe if he had actually talked to me (alone) I would be able to say something about him. That's when I cancelled the date in a way that I hope he won't try to contact me again.

His mistake was bringing his friend along, who does that unless they are so insecure that they need someone else as a crutch. If he had come alone then he would have had to concentrate on just you and maybe things would have went better. His loss.

Thanks. He texted me when he was outside saying he brought a friend. He had to go to a meeting after the date with this person... He had forgotten about the date until an hour and a half before. Real class act.

(Oh!) Rob Petrie wrote:

Thanks. He texted me when he was outside saying he brought a friend. He had to go to a meeting after the date with this person... He had forgotten about the date until an hour and a half before. Real class act.

That sounds to me like an excuse of a person going on a blind date that is leaving himself an out... just in case.... Just move on baby.

lol

It didn't go well, unfortunately. It's been a rough couple of days.

Sorry to hear that. What position did you interview for?